


Just Keep Moving, Baby

by one_proud_hufflepuff



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Gore, But mild for a zombie au, But not in the flashbacks, Child Abandonment, Established Relationship, F/M, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, I STRESS THE HAPPY ENDING, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Minor Character Death, No NSFW material, Pregnant Allura (Voltron), Separation, Sheith Big Bang 2019, Sheith are together in the present, Team as Family, The M rating is purely for violent material, background allurance, slowburn? kinda?, some violence/gore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:21:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 56,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21984340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/one_proud_hufflepuff/pseuds/one_proud_hufflepuff
Summary: It's been years since the fall of the government after the zomb takeover. Months since the fall of the Sanctuary, the only safe place they've ever known. Now they must search for a new home while dodging zombs and unfriendlies alike.A trip through a mall in search of supplies ends in disaster when Shiro gets separated from them. Now Keith must learn to live with the loss if he is going to do as Shiro would have wanted and lead his friends to a new life and home, all before Allura has her baby.A Sheith Big Bang fic. (Happy ending guaranteed!)
Relationships: Allura/Lance (Voltron), Keith & Pidge | Katie Holt, Keith & Shiro (Voltron), Keith/Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 60
Collections: Sheith Big Bang 2019





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> After months of writing, here it is.
> 
> This fic is a labor of love and has been planned for many, many months now - even before I decided to sign up for the bang. It is simultaneously both the longest thing I've ever written and the longest thing I've ever posted. I am so, SO excited to share it with you guys! It means a lot and is very personal to me 
> 
> Much love to the awesome Cookie who did the art for this project! You can find that [here!](https://twitter.com/fantasywalking/status/1210757570035453957?s=20) I'm beyond happy with how it turned out! Thank you so much for choosing to partner with me - your encouragement from the beginning has kept me going :)
> 
> I would like to stress that this fic HAS A HAPPY ENDING. I physically can not read an unhappy ending with these two. If you're concerned about any of the tags, think it should have additional tags, or have questions about tags, please feel free to reach out to me [here!](https://twitter.com/MidnightWatch11)
> 
> One last thing I would also like to point out is that despite the rating this fic does not have explicit NSFW material. I'm still new to writing and not comfortable in my NSFW content so sorry to all of you out there who want it! I would just like to tell you ahead of time so you don't get to the end and wonder where it is. 
> 
> I may or may not be adding 'missing scenes' if enough people like this world I've built. I have some ideas and have left some things (such as ages) open ended on purpose.
> 
> This fic was supposed to be 25k. Oops?

Shopping at the end of the world is not an easy task.

If given the choice, Keith wouldn’t have been there at all. Even before the world fell to shit, he hated shopping. Maybe it’s some ingrained habit of his to keep his personal belongings to a minimum or maybe it’s the fact that he never had much money to buy stuff with in the first place, but Keith never took the same joy in scavenging that other people seemed to have.

Shuffling through the picked over bottles of medicine in front of him, he finally finds the one he is looking for and plucks it from the shelf. They are lucky to have found it at all and a flush of relief spreads through him as he shakes the container to find it full.

“Hey Keith, did you find Allura’s vitamins yet?” Keith hears from the next aisle over and he can feel the reflexive smile that grows on his face at the sound of the voice.

In response, Keith tosses the bottle over the shelves in front of him and listens as the person on the other side fumbles to catch it with a curse.

“Reflexes slowing down in your age, old timer?”

“Ha ha, very funny _baby,_ ” comes the sarcastic reply. Footsteps sound and then Shiro’s head pops around the corner of the aisle. He grins when he sees the blush that has bloomed across Keith’s face at the pet name, a recent discovery that happened entirely by accident and of which Shiro takes advantage of at every possible opportunity.

“You know, if I had known I’d get this reaction out of you I would have started calling you baby a long time ago,” he adds as he sidles down the aisle and wraps his arms around him. Keith sinks into the embrace with an ease he never expected before he met Shiro.

Leaning over to kiss him is second nature at this point. Shiro accepts it easily but doesn’t move to deepen it, just allows it to wash over them slowly. Time is a luxury they can’t afford these days; if they have to carve out stolen moments in the drug aisle of a shopping center then so be it.

“You say that but just you wait. One of these days I’m going to find something that gets under your skin just as much.” Keith responds. Shiro just chuckles before he moves to start pressing playful kisses to every inch of Keith’s face he can reach.

“What,” _smack,_ left cheek, “makes you think,” _smack,_ right cheek, “that there is nothing you do,” _smack,_ forehead, “that I don’t find ridiculously endearing, just like you do when I call you baby?” _smack,_ tip of the nose. Shiro smirks and just like he said, Keith finds the look _ridiculously endearing._ “Maybe I’m just better at hiding it then you are. Then again, if you don’t know how much I adore you I must be doing something wrong.”

Keith snorts and rolls his eyes before leaning forward to kiss him again, if only to wipe the smug look off his face. Shiro is only too happy to oblige him but he pulls back way too soon in Keith’s opinion. He accepts it, though, when Shiro pulls him into his chest and buries his face in Keith’s hair.

They sway like that, breathing each other in. Keith loves the feeling of Shiro’s arms around him, how safe and secure he feels when he’s surrounded by him. They remind him of a time before this disaster happened, before they had to learn to live life on the run. Simpler times in a not-so-simple world. But Keith knows they really do have to get out of there and back to the others.

“We need to get going. I don’t have enough room in my pack for the vitamins, can you see if you can fit it in yours?”

Shiro sighs out before he pulls back and swings his bag down to the ground next to Keith’s. He drops to his knees next to the packs and starts rearranging things, first in his own and then in Keith’s.

“You know, if you were careful when packing it the first time we wouldn’t have to switch stuff around.”

“But that’s what I have you for, isn’t it?”

“And here I thought you were only keeping me around for my roguish good looks and natural charm.”

“Hmmm,” Keith hums as he runs his fingers through Shiro’s hair. He arches into it like a cat at the contact. “No but it does make up for that sense of humor of yours.”

“You love my jokes! They’re absolutely punny!”

“You did not just use ‘punny’ as an adjective.”

“So what if I did,” Shiro huffs as he tips his head back to rest on Keith’s stomach. Their gazes meet and lock with ease. Shiro has such fondness shining through his eyes that Keith could melt. Keith wishes he could capture this moment and keep it forever.

It’s not like they aren’t usually affectionate because that would be a downright lie. Shiro loves to touch and be touched, to have some form of contact at all times and Keith loves it too. It’s hard to deny that someone is alive and breathing when their warm skin is touching yours and it’s an assurance they constantly and desperately need.

But there is something about it being just the two of them that allows that extra layer of comfort. Even if they’re out like they are now and the possibility of running into a zomb or unfriendly increases, they still get a moment to themselves. And it’s not like they’re completely exposed here, inside a shopping center with Lance and Pidge guarding the only entrance. Nor are they not being careful - you learn to keep an eye open and voices down unconsciously after traveling in the open for awhile.

That still doesn’t mean they should linger.

Keith is ready to get them back on track again when something unreadable passes over Shiro’s face, some internal debate that scrunches his eyebrows in contemplation. He searches Keith’s face as though it holds all the answers - a crazy idea to Keith because he has no idea what Shiro is looking for. Whatever it is, he seems to find it and come to a decision. His face smooths out and a handsome grin takes its place full of hope and something like nervousness.

“Keith, there’s something I -”

He’s interrupted by a low snarling that reverberates around the area. Immediately they’re both tense, all good humor gone in an instant. Keith unsheathes his knife from where it rests on his hip.

They hear shuffling coming from the direction of the entryway and Keith slowly inches his way down the aisle to peak around the end of it. A zomb is stumbling through the door, rotting face half torn off and a dislocated shoulder making its arm hang awkwardly. It makes a weirdly pitched humming sound but it stumbles around with no direction so it hasn’t seen or smelled them yet.

Keith calmly reaches out the hand not holding his knife and gestures to Shiro standing behind him. _One zomb._

He means to take the zomb out quick. It’s something they’ve all done a million times since the Sanctuary went down. He steps out into the open with the intent to finish it when the zomb catches sight of him, opens its mouth, and emits the most high pitched and unnatural shriek he has ever heard in his entire life.

One swing of his blade and it’s over but the damage has been done. If there’s one sure fire way to attract any zomb in a mile radius, it’s noise. The sound is still reverberating off the walls and Keith meets Shiro’s eyes in alarm and more than a little horror before they are both springing into action.

“What the _hell_ was that?” Keith hisses as he grabs his bag and swings it onto his shoulder. It feels heavier than normal but he thinks there are more pressing issues at the moment.

“I don’t know but we can worry about it later. We have to get out of here before any more show up.” Shiro responds as he lifts his ax and leads the way to the front of the store.

The shopping center they are in is similar to a small mall in that there are many shops inside a larger building. They were lucky to find the drugstore with the supplies they needed near the front, though they had to go up a floor to do it. To get out, they have to make their way back to the stairs without drawing attention to themselves.

Shiro peers out of the front of the store and looks both ways but freezes when he catches sight of something. He slowly moves back to avoid drawing attention to himself before he gestures to Keith. _Zombs. Too many. Away from stairs._

Cold dread washes over Keith when he realizes what this means. Either something happened to Lance and Pidge at the exit or the information they had was wrong. Both could spell disaster for their group but he knows which one he’d rather have happened.

He can hear them now and it surely _sounds_ like a lot of them. Zombs aren’t quiet creatures - they grunt and groan, bump into things, knock over displays, and apparently scream too. That’s not something they’ve ever seen before and they need to get back to the others so that they know about it. They’re lucky the noise only brought the zombs to the general area instead of into the store with them, though Keith shudders to think of where they were hiding.

 _Can we get past?_ Keith gestures back in response.

Shiro hesitates a second and seems to think it over before he responds. _Move fast. Stay low. Get to the stairs._

Outside of the store is a wide hallway with a giant hole-like balcony that overlooks the first floor below them. Stores line the passageway on either side but not all of them are open to hide in. A few have their windows smashed and contents rifled through or missing but Keith would rather avoid them at all cost now that he knows what could hide in there. Midafternoon sunlight streams in through the large glass windows that line the roof and illuminates the debris and knocked over display stands that litter the ground. A pile of furniture and what looks like book cases block the top of the escalator as if a group of people barricaded themselves in. To their right and down a ways is the staircase that will lead them down to the first floor and freedom.

Looking to their left he sees the group of zombs and has to bite down on a gasp of surprise.

The thing about zombs is the more recently turned, the less decay has had time to sit in and the faster they are. Unless something has happened to one of their legs, they can move almost as fast as they did when they were alive. Now, after so many years of zombs roaming free, you don’t see many freshly turned ones and it’s even less likely to find a group of them. They were lucky to have run into mostly older zombs while traveling.

Keith guesses their luck has officially run out because to their left, about four storefronts down, stands a group of what looks like roughly three dozen newborn zombs.

There’s no way they are getting out of there without being seen. Their best option is to do what Shiro said, move fast and low until they are detected and then make a run for it. Shiro and Keith are two of the fastest in their group and there’s a certain motivation that comes with running for your life that you can’t imitate anywhere else. They creep out and start moving, getting a few stores down before Keith hears a confused scuffling behind them and an uptick of excited groaning.

He glances back long enough to see that the first few zombs have taken note of them and are breaking free of their group to give chase.

 _“Go!”_ he hisses and they’re off. He can hear the rest of the zombs rousing now that they have a target and they stumble into each other as they try to orient themselves. It gives them a few extra precious moments as they run full pelt towards the stairs and shove their way through.

They slam the door behind them and it echoes in the stairwell, mixing with their panting breaths. Keith is drenched in the cold sweat of a prey animal being hunted down and he doubts Shiro is faring much better.

The first few zombs hit the door.

Keith taps the earpiece sitting in his ear once and it beeps to show that it’s on. He’s immediately assaulted by the lighthearted rambling of someone he can only take on a good day, let alone when he’s being chased by a zomb mob.

_“This is your favorite and best zomb-killing Sharpshooter speaking. How’s it going in there? I was just about to check in, did you find Allura’s vitamins? You know she needs those if -”_

“Lance, I thought you were supposed to be keeping watch! What the hell is going on out there?” Keith interrupts with no remorse.

 _“What do you mean?”_ The tone instantly hardens to one of alertness, all lightness gone. _“Nothing has come in or out since you guys got in there!”_

They don’t have time to ponder that statement as more bodies start slamming against the door behind them. He can see dirty nails scratching at the window, snarling and snapping and banging filtering in over the sound of his heart racing and their panting breaths. Keith and Shiro ram into the door to hold it closed but it bumps against them. They won’t be able to let go of it without the hoard breaking through immediately after them. Shiro seems to think the same thing as he takes his ax and uses it to wedge the door shut. It holds when they let go of the door but they don’t have much time.

“Just be ready!” Keith snarls over Lance’s increasingly frantic demands as they turn together and begin vaulting down the stairs. “We’re coming in hot with a group of them on us.”

He taps the earpiece again to silence Lance’s questioning as they hit the bottom of the stairs.

When they get to the bottom Keith wrenches the door open without checking and it proves to be a nearly fatal mistake as three zombs come tumbling in. The first two go after Keith but the third heads for Shiro who curses when he reaches for a weapon that is still jammed in the door above them. He retreats to the stairs to try and gain the advantage of height while swinging his backpack to use as a shield.

Keith makes quick work of the two in front of him as he lops off the head of the first but his knife gets stuck in the head of the second. It goes down but Keith struggles to pull it out and Shiro is backed into a corner, zomb snarling and snapping in his face -

He plants his foot on the shoulder of the zomb in front of him and _wrenches,_ pulling his knife free in a spray of gore.

“Shiro!” Keith shouts and it takes nothing to fluidly turn and throw his knife directly at him. It’s blade glints purple in the light and he watches as Shiro’s hand shoots out to catch it with the infallible accuracy of someone who has done something a million times before. He plunges it into the temple of the zomb and it collapses in on itself.

“How many times do I have to tell you to keep your spare weapons on your belt! Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Keith demands as he latches on to Shiro’s wrist and draws the machete at his waist, all but dragging him through the door of the stairwell. It swings in and he can only hope that it will stall the group behind them for even a few more moments. He can hear the breaking of glass above them.

“No, no I’m fine! Keep moving, go!” Shiro gasps before they both take off towards the exit, door slamming behind them.

A few zombs come from the depths of the first floor but they dispose of them as quickly as possible, not once faltering in their running. Keith can see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel in the form of the large bay doors, open and waiting for them.

The slap of their feet echoes in the space around them, bouncing off the walls. There’s snarling behind them that gets closer and closer before a whistling noise cuts through the air and the zomb is cut down. He sees Lance standing at the entrance, crossbow in hand, and watches as he turns away from them and takes aim. He shoots at a hidden control panel before he turns back to open fire at the figures behind them.

A grinding screech sounds and the gate over the entrance starts to shut. Metal shrieks as it is forced to move after years of staying put, clanking loudly as it descends.

“Come on, hurry! The gates gonna close!”

They put on a burst of speed, Keith slightly ahead of Shiro, as they run with their hands clasped tight. Lance is shifting with nervous energy and Keith assumes that means there’s no more zombs directly behind them. Pidge sits in the driver’s seat of the truck idling behind him and he can see her pistol aimed out of the window even from here.

It’s when they’re about ten feet away that Keith realizes they aren’t going to make it.

The gate is closing too quickly and they aren’t fast enough, they’re going to be locked in here with those _things_ and they are never going to get out. They are going to die here, eaten alive or turned into something inhuman and grotesque. Something that would hurt their friends without a second thought. Something that would hurt _each other_ without a second thought.

At least they are going out together.

Without warning Shiro’s hand slips from his and before Keith has the chance to turn his head and look there is a great shove to his back. The momentum sends him forward and down and he automatically turns it into a roll without thought, sliding under the gate to land sprawled on the other side. The gate closes with a resounding _clang_ behind him.

He takes a second to just breathe. That was way too close for comfort. Maybe they were closer to the exit than he thought? He blows the bangs out of his face with an annoyed huff as he stares at the sky above him.

“Okay, I know we were cutting it close but did you really have to push so hard? Pretty sure my knees - Shiro?”

He sees Lance’s horrified face first. It’s as white as a sheet and there are tears gathering in the corners of his eyes as he stands with a hand clasped over his mouth in shock. Pidge has a similar look of panic growing as she slowly lowers her pistol and gets out of the truck.

It causes Keith to whip around and - no, no. There’s a ringing noise and his breath stutters in his chest. All at once his world collapses in on itself, a gaping black hole opening in his chest that sucks in all the color around it to turn the world dull and grey.

Because there, staring at him sadly from the other side of the gate, is Shiro.

“Shiro? W-what?” Keith stares and something deep in him is breaking breaking _breaking_ the longer he stands there in complete and utter shock.

It’s Shiro’s face that snaps him out of it, the deep sadness and touch of fear but not regret, never regret when it comes to protecting Keith even at the cost of himself. He can recognize it because he’s the same way.

Keith rushes to the gate and starts trying to lift it but it’s heavy and rusted. His fingers scrape along the bottom, dirt and grime smearing all along his hands, metal digging into his palms. He can’t do it on his own.

“Lance! Pidge! Come help me, we’ve got to get him out of there! The hoard will catch up any minute now!”

Even with the three of them pulling from the outside and Shiro pulling from his end they can’t get the gate to lift. One by one they step back until it’s just Keith struggling on his own, straining as he pulls with everything he has because everything he _is_ is on the other side. He has to get this gate open, even if it tears every nail from his fingers and scrapes his palms raw, even if -

With a snarl he lets go of the gate and stands, banging both fists on it so hard that the metal shakes and rattles. His breathing is heavy and uneven but he can’t afford to lose it now. He takes a deep breath before continuing.

“Shiro, go check the control panel. There has to be a way to get it back open.”

There’s thudding coming from behind Shiro that signals that the zombs have finally broken through the second floor door of the stairwell and have hit the door at the bottom of the stairs.

“Keith, the panel is broken. There’s a crossbow bolt straight through it.” Shiro says as he gestures to the panel on the wall across from him. Keith can see the bolt sticking out from his side of the grate.

“Then we’ll find another exit! This mall is fucking huge, you can’t tell me there’s not another exit!”

“Keith, all the other exits are blocked. It’s why we went through this one, remember?” Pidge says quietly.

“Well we have to do something! We can’t just _leave_ him there! You’re the one who shot the panel, help me think of something!” He shouts as he rounds on Lance, face flushed.

“You said you were coming in hot, I didn’t know how many there were going to be! I tried to ask but you turned the comms off!” Lance argues back and Keith knows that if he were more calm and less desperate he wouldn’t be accusing Lance at all. He certainly wouldn’t have said what he did next.

“What would you do if it was Allura? Would you be okay with leaving her too? Or are we just disposable as long as you get what you need for her.”

Lance rears back and a look of pure pain crosses his face. He doesn’t have time to feel bad, too focused on the task at hand. Pidge steps forward to intervene and Keith thinks he may finally have an ally, albeit reluctant. Then Shiro starts to open his big mouth.

“Keith -“

“No,” Keith snarls as he rounds on Shiro. He points at him with a dirt crusted finger. It’s trembling. “If you think you’re going to convince me to leave you behind you’ve got another thing coming. We promised -“

“We promised to keep each other safe. And you did. You _did_ keep me safe Keith.”

“Well excuse me if I don’t count being locked in with a hoard of zombs safe!” Keith says, more than slightly hysterical.

“And that’s not on you.” Shiro says firmly. Keith doesn’t agree but now is not the time for that argument. Right now he has to get Shiro out of there, zombs and locked gates be damned.

“What about the roof? Just find a way there! Get there and we can help you find a way down. It’s not over yet, you can still get out of there! You can’t just give up!”

“Who said I was giving up?” At the look on Keith’s face, Shiro moves to press his forehead to the gate and Keith is is helpless to doing the same. Palm to palm, forehead to forehead, they stand there, worlds apart and yet the only two in his world. A moment in time that Keith wishes he could freeze for eternity. “I would never give up on you Keith. And that means never giving up on coming back to you. I will find you again, one way or another.”

It sounds too much like a goodbye.

“Do you trust me?” Shiro asks when Keith still hesitates. There’s a burning intensity there, a fire in his eyes that draws Keith in and holds him, consumes him from the inside out. It’s a question that Shiro knows the answer to but if saying it out loud will help him Keith will do it in a heartbeat. He’d find a way to capture the stars in the night sky and give them to Shiro if asked.

“With everything I have,” Keith replies quietly.

“Then trust that I will come back to you.” Shiro whispers.

He meets both Lance and Pidge’s eyes over Keith’s shoulder and something passes between them but Keith only has eyes for him, drinking in every detail he can.

“Go back with the others,” Shiro continues just as softly as before. “Go back and wait with them and let me come to you. Stay safe and keep moving. We’ll see each other again, baby.”

From somewhere behind Shiro he hears the door finally give way.

Shiro doesn’t glance behind him once as he takes a step back. He only has eyes for Keith as he says, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Keith chokes out.

Then Shiro turns and runs into the depths of the mall just as the first few zombs round the corner.

“Hey!” Keith screeches. If he can’t go with Shiro he can damn well distract the things he’s trapped with long enough for him to get away. “You big ugly fuckers! Over this way! Yeah that’s right, come over here!”

The zombs take note of him and instantly rush the gate, pushing against it until it starts to groan. He sees a few stumble off in the direction Shiro went in but he can’t think about that now. Shiro will be okay. Keith stands his ground, silent tears streaming down his face.

“You shitheads just have to ruin _everything,_ don’t you? You can’t just let us have even the smallest thing! _You have to take and take and take until there’s nothing left to give!”_

His only answer is the snarling of the zombs and the whine of the gate as it starts to bend in on itself. A hand lands on his arm and he whips around with such a fierce look that Lance removes it instantly.

“Keith,” he says quietly. “We have to go now. Come on.”

He fights it, at first. He would continue to fight it until he realizes the longer they stay here the more danger he is putting both Lance and Pidge in. He has half a thought to tell them to leave him behind, that he will sit here all day and all night until Shiro makes it out, but then the gates shudder again and he realizes that if he waits here he won’t ever see Shiro again and it won’t be because Shiro is the one that is gone.

At that thought the fight drains out of him and he allows Lance and Pidge to drag him to the back seat of the truck. They don’t say anything but Keith can see the tears falling down both of their faces.

It’s not until he’s staring blankly ahead in the back of the pickup, speeding away from the scene, that he realizes that Shiro still has his knife.  
\------------

_He hears them whispering one night not long after this whole thing started._

Not enough resources, _they say. Too many mouths to feed._ It’s dangerous traveling with so many people. So many things could go wrong. We have to protect our kids first. We should just go, he can make it on his own.

_It takes him a long time to realize they mean to leave him behind._

_The first thing he feels is fear, harsh and all consuming. He’s seen what happens to people out there alone. There’s safety in numbers but not big ones - it was the largest cities that were overrun first after all and Keith doesn’t want to experience that for himself._

_Maybe… maybe if he just follows them from a distance he won’t be so alone. And they can lead him to supplies, a safe place to stay. He actually really likes this foster family and he thinks that maybe if there weren’t literal zombies out to eat them he could’ve been happy being adopted by them. They don’t have to know he’s there. It’ll be enough, he tells himself._

_It’ll be enough._

_They leave quietly one night without fanfare, waking his older foster sibling near silently and scooping up the younger as she slumbers on. Keith feigns sleep as they move quietly around the room and gather their things. Tears prick behind his closed eyelids and he struggles to keep his breathing deep and even._

_Even though he knew it was coming, it still hurts._

_“What about Keith?” the oldest whispers tiredly._

_“We’ll come back for him,” his foster father promises. “We want to get you two settled first and it’s easier to go in pairs.”_

_He gives them a short head start before he gets up himself. They’ve left him some supplies, his backpack and water bottle, some food that he hastily shoves into his bag. He tucks the map that he’s labeled with where they’re heading next into a side pocket and hopes it’ll be enough. They’ve taken all of the weapons with them except one: the knife that’s belonged to him for as long as he can remember._

_He doesn’t have long before they get too far ahead and he’s under no delusion that they’re actually coming back for him but he takes a moment to cradle it close to his chest. He breathes in the leather of the sheath with eyes closed tight, centering himself and pushing away the betrayal that still burns deep. When he opens his eyes, they’ve hardened with a determination to survive. Then he swings his backpack onto his shoulders and sets out into the night._

_He keeps his distance for the most part. He relearns how to follow without raising suspicion and it works. Years of sneaking around foster homes and staying unnoticed in school hallways has finally paid off even if he was starting to think he’d never need the skills again. They lead him to food and shelter and he doesn’t let them know he’s there. He manages to kill a few zombies along the way and he likes to think he’s repaying them even if they don’t know about it. It feels good._

_It’s okay that he loses sleep trying to make sure they don’t leave without him and it’s okay that most of the food and supplies are picked over or gone by the time he gets a chance to look. Even if he can’t talk to them, just seeing other people who are alive shows Keith that he isn’t completely alone._

_Sometimes it’s the only thing that keeps him going._

_He tries not to let it hurt when he sees them huddled together at night, the children squished in the middle, as safe and warm as they can be in this world. He wraps his arms around himself in a parody of a hug and shivers in the cold as he convinces himself that he’s okay, it’s okay, everything will be okay._

_One thing Keith learns very quickly is that being quiet in a world like this is a lifesaver. If there’s one advantage he has it’s that he’s a naturally quiet person - he always has been. His pop had been like that too he recalls. They used to sit together outside of their shack of a home in the desert and look up at the stars, nothing but the wind and the creatures of the night to be heard of. He’d sit Keith in his lap and hug him close as they watched the night sky dancing above their heads, his pop humming a little tune under his breath. He’d point out constellations and make up funny stories that would make Keith laugh and laugh and laugh._

_He thinks that if his pop were here he would be very good at surviving this nightmare. But that leads to thoughts on how he wishes his pop was still there with him which leads to guilt for wishing he was living in this hellhole in the first place._

_It’s not something he likes to dwell on._

_The whole thing works well enough until a trip through a destroyed grocery store goes wrong. He doesn’t see the can on the ground until it goes rolling forward to clang loudly into a metal shelf. They had been so careful not to make any noise and Keith winces at the echo. Something comes alive in the back, moaning as it shuffles through the store._

_The zombie appears at the end of the aisle. When it spots him, it’s movements start to have more intent behind them as it shuffles between the shelves towards him. It’s faster than he expects, even as it drags a half torn off leg behind itself._

_It doesn’t surprise him when his foster father appears, come to see what caused the noise. Keith doesn’t move fast enough to hide. His foster father dispatches the zombie swiftly before turning to him with enough anger that Keith shrinks back into the shelf behind him. He’s never seen such fury on the normally kind man’s face._

_“What,” he begins through gritted teeth. His hands are clenched into fists and for one wild moment Keith thinks he might actually hit him. “Do you think you’re doing? You’re going to get someone killed! How did you get here?”_

_“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. I was just -”_

_The man’s eyes narrow as he asks, “Have you been following us?”_

_Keith is frozen, staring with wide eyes. There’s nothing he can do, no excuse he can give. He didn’t think he’d ever speak to them again, let alone be confronted by them. This was never supposed to happen._

_The man growls before he grabs Keith around the wrist, dragging him through the store with intent. Keith tries to dig his heels in - he has a bad feeling about this - but he just gets jerked forward roughly. He’s still slightly in shock and his foster father is both bigger and stronger than him._

_He takes Keith to the front of the store where he stops to rifle in the pockets of a dead security guard and grab something that clinks in the silence surrounding them before he’s being dragged to a near empty aisle of picked over snacks._

_His foster father holds up the thing he took from the dead guard and Keith’s breath freezes in his lungs when he recognizes a pair of handcuffs dangling from one finger. His struggles immediately resume but his foster father’s hand just tightens around his wrist and Keith is sure there will be bruises later._

_Somehow he thinks this is the least of his concerns at the moment._

_A large part of him knew that if his foster family found out he was following them, they’d be determined to leave him behind again. They wouldn’t have left him in the first place if they didn’t truly believe that the best thing was to move on without him. It’s not even like he wasn’t used to being left behind - he was. He just thought this time was different._

_There was also a part of him, however small it may be, that still hoped that if he could prove to them that he was very low maintenance and could take care of things on his own, they would accept him back into their family like they had when he first met them._

_And it wasn’t like he hadn’t picked up on things while traveling like they had been. He had learned that the best way to kill those stupid things was up through the jaw and into the head because most of the time he was smaller than them and could pack all the power he had into it, had learned that fires were an absolute no unless you wanted to draw them to you no matter how cold you were, and you had to be careful around bodies of water because zombies don’t need to breathe and can surprise you when you think you’re safe. He was small and light and didn’t eat much if he was really trying to be careful._

_The cuffs click with a finality that sends a shiver down Keith’s spine. Then he realizes that no, it’s not just that, he’s trembling._

_“W-wait! Where are you going? I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to make any noise, just let me go!”_

_“And how do I know you won’t follow us again? How do I know you won’t get us caught or killed by those things?” There are no emotions on his face, an absolute blank mask that promises no mercy._

_“No! No don’t leave me here!” The tears are coming, he can feel them. If they leave him here like this he’s as good as gone - easy bait for zombies if he doesn’t die from starvation or dehydration first. “Please don’t leave me. P-please, I’m sorry! I won’t follow you anymore, I promise!”_

_“Dad? What’s going - is that Keith?” Keith’s foster brother rounds the corner of the aisle and they make direct eye contact. Everything freezes, suspended in that one moment._

_There’s a split second where Keith thinks that maybe he’s still got a chance to get out of here. That his foster brother will say something to convince his father to take Keith with them or at least let him go. Then his foster father opens his mouth and all of Keith’s hope goes up in flames._

_“Lotor, go wait at the front of the store. I’ll be there in just a second. I have to take care of this first.”_

_“But Dad, you told us he was dead! How are we supposed to just leave him here like this? He needs food and water, shelter, people to travel with! Why can’t he come with us?”_

_“You wouldn’t understand. Now go wait at the front of the store like I asked.”_

_“But -”_

_“Lotor either you go wait at the front of the store or I will leave you here with him.”_

_Lotor rears back as though slapped and Keith can see the pain on his face as his foster father forces him to choose. He meets Keith’s eyes and they’re filled with such indecision. They hadn’t known each other long before all of this but Keith knows his foster brother is a good person. He can’t have him throwing his life away to stay here with Keith._

_“Just do what he says,” Keith says quietly and Lotor looks almost as shocked as he did when his father threatened to leave him behind. “I’m not worth it. You have to go and take care of yourself and Acxa. She needs you to be there for her. I’ll be okay.”_

_Lotor looks like he wants to protest until Keith mentions his sister. He can see tears at the corners of his eyes before his face hardens. He nods at Keith, who shakily returns it, before he turns and disappears down the aisle. He doesn’t look back._

_After Lotor leaves, his foster father watching him walk away, he sighs before he kneels down to reach into his pack. He pulls out two water bottles and a couple of granola bars, placing them on the ground next to Keith. He won’t meet his eyes as he does it._

_“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry kid. I just have to protect my family.”_

_And then he’s alone._  
\------------

Rolling up to the place they made camp at is particularly terrible because he gets to watch in real time as Allura and Hunk’s face turn pale with shock when they do a quick headcount upon their arrival and come up one short.

“What happened?” Allura demands. “Where’s Shiro?”

Keith pushes past her without stopping. He can’t be here when the others explain what a massive fuck up he is and how Shiro is missing because of it.

Not gone. Just missing. Shiro will find his way back to them tonight and they’ll hit the road again tomorrow like nothing ever happened in the first place. Except... perhaps a scolding for sacrificing himself so Keith could slip under the gate, he thinks. Yeah, that sounds good to him. He’ll eat Shiro’s can of peaches and leave him with the tomato soup Keith knows he doesn’t like. He’ll make him ride scrunched in the back and let Pidge take the front seat. He’ll withhold sex.

Well. Maybe not that last one.

Regardless, Shiro’s more than capable of making it back and he told Keith he’d find him again. Shiro asked Keith to trust him and Shiro has never done anything to prove that he shouldn’t be trusted. Keith has to have faith in him.

He has to.

So he ignores Lance and Pidge explaining to Hunk and Allura what happened. He ignores the shocked gasps and concerned looks he’s sure are shot his way. He ignores the ache deep in his gut that twists his insides into knots. He ignores everything as he climbs to the roof of the van and takes up guard duty so the others can rest. He won’t be going anywhere until Shiro is back with him like he said he would be.

And so, Keith settles down and prepares himself to keep watch through the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it begins! Please let me know what you think and buckle up - it's going to be a wild ride ;)


	2. Chapter 2

The next day finds Keith blearily staring at the treeline in obstinate dedication, refusing to glance away for even a moment for fear of missing something. The sun glares brightly through the branches that rustle overhead and warms the air even as the weather begins to turn cold. The place they’ve set up camp is in a small clearing surrounded by forest, a secluded place to rest in the hopes that they’ll stay undetected until it’s time to move on. The wind howls as it carries leaves through the air. 

It sounds like mourning. 

The others have been up for awhile, moving about the camp cautiously as though too much noise would draw unwanted attention. He can feel their gazes on him like a hot brand but none have approached after he snapped at Hunk and sent him scurrying when he tried to relieve Keith of guard duty. 

He felt bad almost immediately after because Hunk is honestly the nicest person in existence and Keith knows he only wanted him to rest but Keith can’t do that until Shiro is back safely. Still doesn’t mean he should have snapped at him - he’ll have to apologize for that later. 

Around midafternoon there’s a clanging that announces someone making the attempt again. He doesn’t look to see who it is but can tell it’s Pidge almost immediately after she curses before finally pulling herself up and over the edge one-handed, the other holding a can of something. She settles down and curls her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms around her knees and giving him a once over.

“Hey,” Pidge says warily. Her eyes are rimmed in red but her gaze is clear as she looks at him. Keith ignores her.

“I brought you some food. I know it’s not much but…” She holds the can out in offering. They’re peaches. Shiro’s favorite.

Keith feels like he’s going to be sick.

Pidge sighs, retracting the can and setting it on the roof. “You need to eat something Keith. You need sleep, too. And,” she takes a deep breath and seems to brace herself, “Keith -”

“No.”

“It’s been twenty-four hours. We all promised that if we got separated for longer than that we would keep moving. We have to consider -"

_“No.”_

“Look,” she says. Her voice is shaky. “I know. _I know._ When we had to - had to leave Matt -” 

She stops abruptly and Keith feels his heart wrench even more. He’s not the only one who knows the pain of this decision. How could he have forgotten that?

Pidge sniffs once before turning to rest her chin on her knees and stare out into the trees. She doesn’t seem to be really seeing them, off in some distant corner of her mind.

“I wanted nothing more than to wait until he found us. But they wouldn’t want us to stay and get hurt because of it. You told me that, remember?”

He does. God, does he remember that. Losing Matt had been one of the hardest things for her, especially after losing both her parents. He remembers her those first few weeks, struggling with guilt and grief, drowning in it.

He also remembers how worried about her he had been in the immediate aftermath. How he and Shiro and the others tried so hard to ease her pain while they too grieved. It hadn’t been easy.

But this isn’t the same. Shiro isn’t gone, he knows he’s out there somewhere. And any minute he’ll break through that line of trees, cocky smirk in place, asking, _“Did you really think anything could keep me away baby? I told you I’d be back.”_

Pidge’s next words are like a bucket of ice water over his head. “If those zombs break out of there we won’t be able to fight them. We have to leave.”

The worst part is she isn’t wrong. Keith was in there, he saw how many zombs there were and it isn’t even in the realm of possibility to fight them off. If they stayed and those zombs got out and found them there’d be no question of the outcome. Not only that but if they did stay the chances of another zomb group, or even worse a group of unfriendly humans, stumbling across them raises. It’s why they agreed to the twenty-four hour rule in the first place.

But even the thought of leaving Shiro is a vice around his heart, constricting so tight he can’t breath. Like the mall he wants to tell the others to go on without him, that he’ll stay behind and wait. But he knows with a sinking heart that Shiro and him are the ones with the most experience and without them the others don’t stand much of a chance. If he let them travel on their own and they didn’t make it, would Shiro forgive him?

Would he be able to forgive himself?

Pidge can see Keith’s hesitation and runs with it. “Shiro’s strong. He knows we’re going to the Garrison. He’ll meet us there when he can. We have to believe that.”

Keith appreciates that she doesn’t say ‘if’.

Going against everything in him screaming not to go, to stay until either Shiro comes back or he grows roots like a tree and stays there for the rest of eternity, he nods. He feels numb inside, like the decision stole all feeling from his body. If it means that he won’t feel anything, if it allows him to not think, he might actually survive.

He’s silent as he climbs down and into the back of the van to help finish gathering their supplies, silent as he rifles through his bag to take stock, silent as he pauses in confusion when he doesn’t immediately recognize the belongings in the bag as his. The confusion briefly brings him back to himself, allows him a moment of clarity just before he realizes _‘Oh. This is Shiro’s bag.’_

He would exchange the clarity for dulling numbness any day if it keeps him from feeling the pain that realization brings.

Tears spring to his eyes but he doesn’t let them fall, instead pushing those emotions off a cliff to freefall deep into the cavern that is his chest. He struggles for a moment to get himself under control, wrestling control of his breathing with his eyes clenched tightly shut. 

Once his breathing is calmer, he starts to shuffle through the contents with great care. Most of their supplies stays in the truck or van so they can move faster if the need arises but that doesn’t mean they don’t keep personal stuff in their packs. If they have to leave the cars behind they can’t rely on their ability to grab everything on their way out. Likewise, they can’t keep everything in their bags in case they have to drop those to get away.

They’ve learned to not carry much in terms of personal items. Keith understands that and is fine with it - he could never afford it growing up anyway. The only thing he’s really ever held onto is his knife. He learned a long, long time ago that traveling light is the best way to travel and he’s accepted that.

Shiro has not.

If there is one thing Keith knows about Shiro, it’s that he’s a sentimental man. Where Keith would rather be surrounded physically by the people and things he loves, Shiro likes mementos, things to remind him of better times. There’s a reason Shiro’s so good at packing and organizing their stuff and it has everything to do with his tendency to hoard.

Most of the stuff in there is food and other things found in the shopping center. Allura’s vitamins are resting near the top, he sets those to the side to give to her. He’s lucky they ended up in the bag he took - if they didn’t even get the one thing they went in there specifically to look for...

Tucked into the front pocket is a photograph that has been folded and unfolded so many times that the creases are starting to wear down the laughing faces that are visible. When he unfolds it and sees Shiro’s smiling face staring up at him he almost breaks down again and has to take a moment to compose himself. In it they’re laughing, arms slung around each other’s shoulders as they lean into each other. 

Keith still remembers when Lance found the polaroid on a supply run and insisted on taking everyone’s picture. It had been a whole production that included taking pictures by themselves, then in pairs, then in groups, and ‘Oh, the lighting is better over there guys!’ until Keith finally got fed up enough to snap at Lance that enough was enough.

He hated the one they were forced into together but this one is different - a candid of him and Shiro. He doesn’t remember seeing it and he can only imagine how Shiro managed to get it from Lance. He stares at the beaming faces and gently runs his fingers over Shiro’s glowing back up at him. Keith knew he carried a picture of them but he’s still more than slightly touched at the clear use it’s gone through, at how many times Shiro must have pulled it out to look at it.

Carefully, he folds the photo and puts it back where he found it before moving on to the last pocket. Stuffed in it are survival supplies mostly - a length of rope, a portable first aid kit, matches and hand warmers - most of which he has in his own bag. He’s about to move on when he notices something white and paperlike shoved deep under everything else as though Shiro didn’t want someone to find it unless they were really digging through his stuff. And the only one who would do that would be -

Keith reaches in and cautiously extracts it to see it’s an envelope, dirty and folded in half. He hasn’t seen actual paper in so long - it’s not often that they have need of it now or even the supplies to use it. There’s a lump in the corner but Keith ignores it to turn it over in hand, freezing at what is written on the outside.

It’s addressed to him. 

The panic that raises in him when he sees his name on that envelope is true and deep. Shiro isn’t one to write letters, even to him, and to find one now feels ruinous, like he’ll fall apart if he even glances inside. He is fully terrified at what he might find were he to look. 

It takes him all of ten seconds to process this before he shoves it as deep in the backpack as he can. He won’t read it because reading it feels like he’s accepting something and he can’t do that. Not now, not ever.

Besides, Shiro can tell him all about it when he sees him again.

The last thing he spies folded neatly at the bottom is Shiro’s favorite jacket, the one that has survived through every winter since Keith’s known him. It’s dirt stained and worn out but Keith holds it reverently, pulling it out and hugging it close to his chest. It’s way bigger than him but he doesn’t care as he pulls it on over his head and curls up in the backseat of the van, tucking his nose into the collar and breathing deeply. It smells like Shiro.

The front door opens and Pidge poked her head in. The others must have elected her again after her success the first time.

“We’re about set to head out. You ready Keith?”

Keith could glare at her - would he ever really be ready to leave? - but she seems to think this too because she winces. He doesn’t deem the question with a response and instead turns his face into the hoodie and breathes and breathes and breathes. Just because he’s agreeing to keep moving doesn’t mean he has to be an active participant in facilitating it. He would literally rather be eaten by a hoard of zombs.

Pidge sighs. “For what it’s worth Keith… I’m sorry. I really am.”

_Yeah,_ Keith thinks to himself as the van starts up. _I’m sorry too._

\------------

_Time passes._

_He doesn’t know how long he’s there for but the sun has long since gone down before Keith stops trying to pull himself free. His struggling has rubbed his wrist raw before he finally determines that he’s not going to be able to slip the cuffs. Though he can’t pull it far from the shelf he cradles his wrist as close to his chest as he can manage. There are few things worse than getting an infection with things as they are now and he knows he doesn’t have much in terms of first aid in his backpack._

_He’s nervous to go to sleep, especially out in the open like this, but he’s so exhausted and emotionally drained that he finds himself falling asleep sitting up. He convinces himself that it’ll only be for a little bit and that rest will help him figure out how to get out of there before he finally falls asleep slumped over on the ground._

_It’s a mistake that almost costs him everything._

_Not long into his second day he jerks awake to the low snarling that announces one of the undead, awaking from his uneasy sleep so fast he almost smacks his head on the shelf behind him. He’s confused and disoriented, doesn’t know what’s happening beyond echoing noises and he’s not ashamed to admit he panics. He tries to lurch to his feet, to get up and move escape run but all he succeeds in doing is rattling the cuffs against the shelf and sending a bolt of pain up his arm so sharp that he lets out an involuntary shout._

_If anything it brings clarity to Keith’s head. Unfortunately he can now hear the zombie’s moaning increase in excitability like a bloodhound with a new scent._

_He frantically searches for a weapon or place to hide but his options are limited. He has his knife but he’s cuffed low to the ground - a blessing he’s sure his foster father thought he was granting so he could at least sit down but a curse when it comes to self defence._

_But Keith is nothing if not resourceful. If he can’t fight he can hide and he’s been using his small size to do just that for years now. He quickly figures out that if he scrunches himself down far enough, he can just manage to wedge himself under the shelf. His wrist sits too close to the edge for his liking but pulling on it too much digs into the cuts the cuffs left. He doesn’t think it’ll hide him too much from human eyes but it’s better than nothing._

_He’s not a moment too soon. He hears it before he sees it, the shuffle klump of a zombie with a broken leg. Bone peaks out from a wound in it’s shin but it pays it no mind as it takes it’s time moving down the aisle. It doesn’t seem to have spotted him._

_It limps past the place he’s hiding and the smell of rot makes Keith want to gag. He expects it to move down the aisle and deeper into the store but it slows to a stop after only a few paces past him and stands there. Keith’s seen it before, the rest states they go into when there is nothing to draw their attention but the sudden silence sends a flood of fear through him more intensely than the noise did._

_His breathing picks up and he shoves a hand over his mouth to stifle it. The whole point of hiding was for the zombie to keep moving and not see him, to not have to fight it. But if it doesn’t leave Keith doesn’t know what he’ll do._

_The longer it stays unmoving the more panicked he gets. He has to eat at some point, has to drink, has to sleep. But he can’t fall asleep because if he falls asleep he’ll dream and if he dreams he’ll move and if he moves… if he moves he’ll…_

_Somewhere in the distance a dog barks._

_The zombie comes to life again at the noise and starts making its way back from where it came. He squeezes his eyes shut as it passes and breathes in through his nose and out through his mouth. It’s shaky but he doesn’t cry. The zombie leaves, nothing but a lingering stench in the air to prove it was ever there in the first place._

_He stays in hiding as much as possible after that._

_What little sleep he managed to get doesn’t help his chances to escape. He tries desperately to get the cuffs off, everything from pulling and tugging to trying to break the shelf it’s attached to. He doesn’t have anything to pick the lock with or he’d be out of there in an instant. He even contemplates dislocating his thumb at one point - it’s not like he hasn’t done it before - but realizes that even if he did that he still wouldn’t be able to slip them._

_He runs out of food on the fourth day. Runs out of water on the fifth. He shivers through the nights and sweats through the days. It’s dirty and all around miserable. After the run in with the zombie on the second day he doesn’t see anybody alive or dead._

_When he’s awake his mind drifts as though struggling to stay in the present. This starts happening more when he runs out of food and water, as his mind strays from his body. He swears he hears the soft twang of his pop’s voice, a gentle hand through his hair the only remnants of a mother he’s long forgotten. It should scare him but he finds the silence even more frightening._

_He’s settled into one of these fugue states when he hears a noise at the front of the store followed by footsteps. There’s voices speaking in hushed tones but Keith is still shaking off his disorientation and can’t even begin to try and figure out how many. As they travel closer, he strains to hear and can just catch one above the rest._

_“- don’t know if we’re going to find much, it looks pretty picked over. Why don’t you two head over that way and I’ll start over here? Stay close, we want to be in and out quick.”_

_It’s deep but young. Masculine. There’s two murmurs of assent before footsteps lead away._

_He tries to keep track of them, he really does, but his head is just so full of static. He can barely hear them moving up and down the aisles they’re so quiet. He tries to settle his breathing, keep his heart slow and steady, but it’s hard to do with unknown people wandering around. It unsettles him, makes him nervous - one wrong move and it’s well and truly over._

_Eventually one set of those steps ends up down his aisle. A part of him, a very large part if he’s being completely honest, wants to reach out for help. He’s not getting out of here by himself, he knows that. But there’s another, an animalistic instinct, that says he should just stay where he is and that it would be worse for him if someone unfriendly finds him._

_Which is all well and good until the feet stop right in front of him and he notices his mistake - his backpack, which he had pulled under the shelf as best he could, was half way into the aisle where any looter worth their salt would absolutely zero in on it. Whoever it is bends down to pull it back and in the process exposes Keith. The boy - because he is rather young - lets out a stifled squawk of surprise and tumbles backwards, the knife in his hand coming up to point directly at Keith._

_It takes the boy only a split second to realize that Keith isn’t about to eat his face off and lower the knife but it doesn’t stop Keith from reacting. He shrinks back as far as he can manage, wedging himself until the metal of the shelf digs into his back. His wrist catches and pulls causing him to let loose a small, pained cry. The boy’s face instantly melts in concern and he puts the knife down and holds up his hands in front of him as though to show they are empty._

_“Hey it’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you. My name is Shiro, what’s yours?”_

_Keith just stares back at him like he’s stupid. Not going to hurt him? A likely story. If anything he - Shiro - wants his supplies or to use him as bait. He’s seen it happen before. He won’t let it happen to himself._

_“Are you hurt?” he continues, paying no heed to the look on Keith’s face. Or perhaps he’s choosing to ignore it. “We have supplies with us. If you just come out, I can take a look and see what’s going on. It looks like your wrist is -”_

_Shiro moves his hand just a fraction towards him - less than an inch really - and Keith honest to god_ hisses _at him like some deranged, half-feral cat. Shiro snatches his hand back so fast he’d feel bad about it if he wasn’t literally backed into a corner right then._

_The moment seems to stretch on forever, Keith with his teeth bared and Shiro with his hands up. It stretches thin as though the smallest breeze could snap it apart and for a brief moment, Keith thinks he has overstepped and will be forced out from his hiding place anyway. He feels like he’s being analyzed, like he’s being sized up, and Keith has dealt with enough schoolyard bullies to not back down from a challenge. Nothing good has ever come from a look like that._

_But then - surprise of all surprises - Shiro breaks their staring contest and flops over to settle on his back. His hands come up to cradle his head and he stretches out with ankles crossed and an air of total ease. Like he’s not sitting in a deserted grocery store next to a kid handcuffed to a shelf at the end of the world. It’s the last thing Keith expected to happen._

_“Before all this started, I wanted to be an astronaut.”_

_The non-sequitur, along with everything else, throws Keith so badly he can only blink helplessly at him. Shiro is too busy staring at the ceiling but Keith can see him wince, as though he knows he’s not off to the best start. He barrels on regardless._

_“Well, I would have settled for being a pilot. I like to go fast. But the stars? I’ve always loved the stars. My grandfather -” here his voice cuts off and Keith can see his throat working from where he’s hiding. He clears his throat though, and when he speaks his voice is clear and smooth. “My grandfather used to take me out with an old telescope and we’d look at the stars together for hours. I miss it.”_

_Something buried down in him starts to loosen, a deep and angry knot that has gone ignored for things like food and water and survival. He sounds so forlorn when he says it that Keith just knows Shiro doesn’t only miss stargazing. It reminds him of a simpler time and the ache it brings to Keith’s chest is sudden and visceral. He knows Shiro feels the same, he can see it on his face._

_It’s been a long time since Keith has allowed himself to think about the stars._

_“It seems kind of funny now. You know, that we actually had goals outside of not getting eaten alive,” he huffs a breath that sends his bangs fluttering. He’s so quiet he’s almost whispering when he continues. “Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I was already up there when they came.”_

_Shiro doesn’t attempt to come closer again but he talks, his voice a gentle murmur that washes over Keith like waves on a beach. The longer he speaks the more relaxed Keith becomes. He knows he shouldn’t be letting his guard down on principle alone but there’s something about him that lets Keith think he’s safe for the moment. It feels like they’re the last two people alive._

_The moment is shattered by the arrival of footsteps._

_“Hey Shiro, are you going to be ready soon? We don’t have long before - um, Shiro? Why are you on the ground?”_

_‘We’ Shiro had said. ‘We have supplies with us.’ And Keith was too preoccupied with the boy in front of him he forgot that there was more of them._

_Before Shiro has a chance to reply there’s another boy’s face swooping down to peer under the shelves. He freezes in surprise when his eyes meet Keith before they’re sweeping over his tattered clothes and dirty face, finally landing on the cuffs. His eyes widen in surprise before narrowing._

_“What is it Matt? What’s going on?”_

_Suddenly there’s a second, nearly identical face staring at him though her hair is longer than the boy’s. She gasps when she sees him but she doesn’t try to come closer and Keith is abruptly overwhelmed again. This is more people than he has interacted with in weeks, not including his short encounter with -_

_Shiro’s voice interrupts and Keith is all at once more grateful than he’s ever been. He can see the questions in their eyes and he knows he doesn’t want to answer them. “Guys, can you see if you can find something to get these cuffs off? I don’t have anything to pick the lock with.”_

_Keith doesn’t even really think about it before he’s rasping, “Guard.”_

_He doesn’t know why he says it, why he decides to trust these people. They’re young, not much older than he is except the girl who reminds him of his foster sister. But he doesn’t think he’s trusting all of them, not necessarily. There’s something about Shiro specifically - his soothing voice, his kind eyes, his respect of Keith’s space - that draws him in and keeps him there, mesmerized._

_He doesn’t know if he makes the right decision to trust the boy with the gentle smile and gunmetal eyes. Maybe he wants to hope that despite the pain and fear, despite it all, there’s one good thing left at the end of the world. That there_ can _be something good left and that the zombies haven’t completely stolen what separates the living from the dead._

_So he commits. It’s the first time he’s spoken since he was left there. His voice crackles with disuse and dehydration, a rasp of what it was. Shiro whips around to look at him and Keith fights against the urge to shrink back again._

_“What?”_

_“The keys. Guard at the front.”_

_Shiro and Matt exchange a look that Keith doesn’t even try to figure out. Whatever conversation they have takes place very quickly before Matt is standing and gesturing for the girl to follow._

_“Pidge, why don’t you come with me? I’d feel a lot better if you were there."_

_Pidge scoffs as she takes his offered hand and allows him to haul her up off the floor. He can hear her response as they set off down the aisle, “Don’t worry, I’ll be there to protect you from the big, scary monsters.”_

_“They’re good people.” Shiro says when they’re gone. “I was friends with them in school and we’re traveling together now. We’ll get you out of here and somewhere safe. I promise.”_

_Keith wants to scoff in response - whether at the idea of somewhere being safe or someone making a promise and following through on it he doesn’t know. Shiro sees the look on his face and seems to take it for the former, as though he doesn’t know that a promise made and unkept is as normal as the sun rising in the morning._

_“Well, I say safe. We have a beat up old minivan we found but it’s better than traveling by foot. There’s enough room if you want to come with us.”_

_Their eyes meet, lock, catch and Keith only sees honesty there. Slowly he nods his head and Shiro’s face breaks out in the widest smile he’s seen yet. He holds out a hand and Keith tentatively reaches out to clasp it with his free hand. It’s warm and rough but Keith doesn’t care. He’s forgotten what it feels like to touch._

_Shiro helps him wriggle out from underneath the shelf and sit up. He sways slightly and Shiro reaches out to lay one hand on his shoulder. He’s suddenly more exhausted than he thinks he’s ever been, as though the effort of making the decision to go along with Shiro cost him what little energy he had left._

_“Are you okay with telling me your name now? I can’t keep calling you catboy in my head.” At Keith’s deadpan look he just grins and says, “Hey, what am I supposed to think? You were hiding under a shelf, you looked like you were going to take a swipe at me if I came near, and you actually hissed! You hissed!”_

_“Sorry,” he croaks out but he’s really not. Though Shiro doesn’t actually look mad, just amused. “It’s Keith.”_

_Shiro bursts into laughter and it surprises Keith so much he almost topples over. Shiro’s hand hasn’t left his shoulder._

_“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s just,” he takes a deep breath and actually wipes a fake tear from his eye. “You’re a Keithy cat.”_

_He has just enough time to think_ Is he being serious _when Matt and Pidge round the corner. They’re moving fast and the look on their faces immediately send alarm bells ringing._

_“We’ve got to go, there’s a hoard catching up! We could see them coming down the road from the windows, if we don’t go now we won’t be able to at all!”_

_Matt tosses the keys to Shiro when he’s still halfway down the aisle and Shiro scrambles to unlock the cuffs. Keith almost cries in relief when they come off, a pain he didn’t even know was dulled come roaring to life. The scabs crack and blood trickles down his hand but he doesn’t care because he’s_ free.

_Shiro helps him rise to his feet as Matt scoops up Keith’s backpack and Pidge grabs Shiro’s knife but the moment he lets go Keith’s knees buckle under him, too weak to hold his weight. The other boy catches him and wastes no time in swinging him up into his arms bridal style. Keith squeaks in surprise but wraps his arms around Shiro’s neck._

_“Sorry,” he says. “But we really don’t have the time. Just hold on!”_

_His vision wavers as they take off towards the front of the store. He can feel himself shaking when he spots the number of zombies down the street and closing in fast but it doesn’t feel real. He’s just barely hanging on to consciousness when they pile into the minivan Shiro mentioned, Matt and Pidge in the front, Keith still clinging to Shiro as they slide in the back._

_The engine roars to life under Matt’s hand and they’re off._

_He finally passes out to the gentle rise and fall of Shiro’s chest under his ear as zombies raid the store behind them._


	3. Chapter 3

The leaves shift to red and golden yellow as they travel, weather turning brisk with the turn of the season. It gets darker earlier, days shortening and shadows growing long. They travel on back roads, staying far away from highways and big cities to ensure they don’t get caught somewhere they can’t get away from. It’s a system that’s worked for them so far and so they stick to it.

Keith’s mood drops with the weather and it leaves him feeling all around shitty. Winter months have always been hard for him but he’s gotten used to having a solid home during them - which is more than he can say about his life before the zombs. He hasn’t felt this cold and hungry and just plain  _ lonely _ in years. 

God, he’s surrounded by people he considers family but he’s never felt more alone.

All the cold really serves to do is make him wish for the times where he would curl up in front of their tiny fireplace crackling away with Shiro at his side nuzzling into him, warming him better than anything else ever could. They’d heat up small mugs of water and put in the smallest amount of cocoa powder that Keith found on their last supply run in an attempt to make it stretch. Shiro would proclaim that water in hot cocoa was no way to drink it but he’d happily steal Keith’s mug when he finished his own in record time.

It hurts to remember them together. It hurts to think about what could have been. It hurts thinking of where Shiro may be now, what might be happening to him. Everything hurts and though pain is old hat to Keith this is a new type of pain - one that he has no defense against. He has no old armor to dust off and shine up, no walls he can put up that can block out this particular brand of agony. 

Frankly, he doesn’t know how to handle it. And it shows.

He gets snappy with the others and though he knows they’re only trying to help it does the exact opposite. He doesn’t know what he wants other than having Shiro back but it’s not to be treated like glass that may shatter with the smallest tap. It just reminds him that they have reason to tread lightly around him and he hates it. 

He doesn’t mean to treat them that way and he knows they don’t deserve it. He just already feels helpless enough and he can’t take it if they treat him like he’s damaged goods. 

Pidge self appoints herself as the bridge between Keith and the others but there’s only so much she can do. He hates putting her in the middle of it but so far she’s the only one that has been able to withstand his irritability. Keith wants to be able to talk to them but just the thought of telling them about how he feels causes his throat to close up so tight he can hardly breath. 

How do you talk about something you can’t even bring yourself to think about?

That doesn’t mean his brain allows him to avoid it. Every time his best friend crosses his mind Keith’s resolve only hardens. His one and only goal is to get to the Garrison so he can see Shiro again and it causes him to push the group to their limits and beyond. He knows it’s not easy, insisting they travel the way they are, but he can’t help it. The need to get to the Garrison as swiftly and safely as possible burns deep in him.

The fact that he doesn’t know what happened to Shiro makes everything worse. It almost hurts more not knowing because it leaves him in this half suspended state of dread and anticipation. 

He constantly feels restless, like ants are squirming under his skin and eels are writhing in his gut. He hates it, hates that he can’t eat or sleep without waking up in a cold sweat. The nightmares follow him even in the day and he catches himself zoning out more than once.

It leaves him in a state of suspended anxiety. The only thing that makes it even semi-bearable is staying on the move. They had already determined where they were going before getting separated and Keith can only hope that Shiro is making his way to the Garrison as they speak.

Then, three weeks into their journey, they’re preparing to set off early one morning when the van lets out a dying sputter and doesn’t start. 

Hunk tries one more time but all they hear is a grinding, cranking sound in protest. He groans before thumping his head against the seat behind him. 

“What’s wrong?” Keith asks. “Why isn’t the car starting?”

“Sounds like the battery is dead,” Pidge comments from the front seat. Hunk nods miserably.

“That’s usually what that sound means, yes.”

“Well how long will it take to fix?” Keith asks, already dreading the answer. 

“The process itself doesn’t take long,” Pidge tells him. “But that’s only if we can find a working battery.”

“So what, we just look for a car and hope the battery still works after years of sitting outside?”

“Well,” Hunk says hesitantly as though afraid of Keith’s reaction. Keith would feel worse if he wasn’t so focused on getting to the heart of the matter. “We can’t go anywhere until we get the van working again. I don’t think it’s safe to only have the truck.”

He’s right though Keith hates to admit it. They’ll just have to find the parts as quickly as they can and get back on the road. He doesn’t want to spend any more time here than they need to. 

“There was a town a few miles back. Maybe they’ll have an autobody shop or cars that have a working battery.”

Keith sighs heavily and stares at the roof of the van above him. Maybe this won’t take forever. 

Haha. Very funny, Keith thinks bitterly. When is anything ever that simple?

Pidge and Keith are elected to make the walk back to the town as they’re the smallest and fastest. Pidge knows what they need because, as she loudly proclaims, she built her first engine at nine years old. Keith hopes if he goes with her he can hurry her along. If he has to wait here while someone else went back for it he might actually combust. 

Hunk decides to stay behind and check over the van for any other problems, telling them that he would contact them if he needs any other parts. Allura and Lance don’t want him to stay alone so they hang back, promising to guard their belongings from any scavengers. 

Keith thinks Lance is avoiding him after he snapped at the other man for delaying their departure that morning because he didn’t like the car assignments for the day. If it means a quiet journey he really doesn’t care. 

They’re forced to walk a couple miles but they’re lucky in that they don’t run across anybody - zomb or human. It makes for a surprisingly swift trip and they arrive by lunchtime, tired but ready to find what they need and get back to the others. 

The town is small and quaint with one dirt road leading through the center and a single stoplight. Storefronts line the road but they look like they were standing on their last leg even before the zombs came. Glass litters the street in some areas but all around it seems like a ghost town. It doesn’t look like much and Keith is skeptical that they’ll find what they need. 

He’s proven wrong when they stumble across an old junkyard on the outskirts. Barbed wire fence surrounds it, rusted and old but intact. It’s attached to a small auto repair shop and Keith can imagine it made its money by catching stragglers who were stranded on the surrounding country roads. 

There’s a suspicious lack of zombs when they enter the shop, in the whole town really - they have yet to run into anything - but not thirty seconds after he thinks it he hears the sound of something dragging across the floor. Pidge catches his eye and nods before taking a defensive position with her weapon raised. 

Around the corner a zomb rests but one look tells Keith it’s not going to be much of a problem. It drags itself across the floor towards them, clawing its way towards them with fingers that are broken and useless. The second half of its body is missing, gore leaving a streak behind it. The smell is one of the worst things he’s ever breathed in; and that’s saying something.

Ankle biters are easy enough to deal with as long as you know they’re there. If you don’t keep an eye out on your feet when entering a new place you’re almost surely up for a rude awakening. He’s seen it happen before and it’s not pretty. 

Keith relaxes just a bit before he steps forward to thrust his machete through its head.

“Come on, hurry up,” Keith tells her. 

Keith generally knows what he’s looking for but he didn’t have much more than a crash course from Hunk before they left. None of his foster families ever taught him about cars before the zombs came and his dad died too young for him to be able to teach Keith. There wasn’t much point when they lived in the Sanctuary.   


Which is why he is entirely lost as he searches the shop, pointing things out to Pidge when he thinks he has it. After half an hour of searching, when Keith is about to give up and call it a lost cause, he finally hears her let out a surprised yet pleased noise from the other end of the store.

“Ah ha!” Pidge crows with delight. “Found it! This should have enough juice to get us back on the road again. Now let’s just hope that the battery was the issue otherwise this trip was for nothing.”

It’s when they’re preparing to leave, parts scrounged away in their bags, that they hear it. A sound Keith has only heard once before - an unnaturally eerie, wailing cry. It comes and goes, washing over them like the push and pull of the tide, and every hair raises on Keith’s body as a cold chill washes over him. 

He knows that sound. He has nightmares about that sound.

In the ensuing flight, the zomb from the mall had completely slipped his mind.

“What the hell was that?” Pidge asks as it fades off, fear evident in her voice. 

Keith doesn’t respond,  _ can’t  _ respond. He’s stuck somewhere fifty miles back running with a hand clasped tight in his own and he’s realizing that they’re not going to make it, there’s too many of them, they’re going to  _ die - _

“Something tells me that wasn’t human,” Pidge whispers. “We should hurry back. It could be a trap or something.”

She turns to leave and Keith feels like he’s in a trance when he holds out a hand to stop her. 

“Wait. I… I think I know what that is.”

“You’ve heard that before?” There’s surprise in both Pidge’s voice and on her face. 

“In - in the mall. We heard a zomb make that sound. It’s what tipped us off to the fact that there were more zombs than we originally thought.”

“You didn’t think that was important for us to know? Keith if the zombs are adapting -“

“Well excuse me if I’ve been a little distracted lately,” Keith says irritatedly. He really had forgotten about that zomb in an attempt to block out the whole event. 

Too bad that was the only thing he managed to forget.

Pidge just gives him one of her patent ‘I know you didn’t just snap at me’ looks.

And all at once he’s at his melting point, angry and ready to fight. His emotions have already been at the surface, ready to explode on anyone who adds just a bit too much pressure. Turns out that was just enough. 

“Whatever. Let’s just go.”

“Wait, you just want to leave? What about the zomb?

“What do you want to do about it?” Keith growls, whirling on her. “It’s not like we can pack one up and take it with us.”

“Keith, don’t you think that knowing if the zombs are evolving is slightly more important than getting to the Garrison immediately? We have to know more about them!”

_“Nothing_ is more important than getting to the Garrison,” Keith snarls, slashing a hand through the air in front of him. “Don’t you get it? Shiro is _gone._ He’s out there somewhere alone, possibly hurt, probably hungry and he has no one to watch his back. He doesn’t deserve that! We have to get to the Garrison.”

“And we  _ will _ ,” Pidge argues, fists planted firmly on her hips. “We’ve been moving non-stop since the mall on your insistence and we haven’t put up a single fight about it. The least you can do is help me out with this one thing.”

Keith doesn’t want to stop. He  _ really  _ does not want to stop. It’s not worth it and it will put all of them in danger. What he does want is to pack all their stuff into the truck, leave the van behind, and find a new car to take them to the Garrison.

But… Pidge does make valid points. They have been moving constantly without any detours or pauses. Maybe if he tells her to wait back while he does whatever she wants it will take less time and be less of a risk for them. He’ll never hear the end of it otherwise. 

His anger goes back down to a simmer. 

“What do you need?” Keith sighs. She smirks in triumph.

“A recording.”

“A recording,” Keith says while blinking at her incredulously. “And how do you propose we do that? We don’t even have anything to take a recording with.”

Despite his frustration, Keith raises his eyebrow at her when she whips out a battery powered tape recorder. She smiles sheepishly. 

“I got it when we raided that electronics store for the stuff to make the communicators. I like to take things apart when I can’t sleep.”

Keith could say many things, mostly about how they don’t really have room for random electronics but he supposes he can let this one slide. He heaves a great sigh and reaches for the recorder.

“Stay here, I’ll be right back.”

Pidge makes a noise of disapproval and whips it behind her back, holding it out at arms length and planting her free hand on his chest as though to keep him away. Keith could get past her if he really wanted to and he knows she knows that, but he’s not going to physically fight her for it. It does not stop the annoyed scowl he can feel forming on his face.

“I’m going with you,” Pidge says simply.

“No,” Keith responds slowly. “You’re not. I can handle it myself. Stay back with the others.”

Keith holds out his hand but Pidge ignores it to snort. “You’ve been reckless recently. I’m not letting you go out there by yourself so you can end up dead.”

Keith snorts. “I’m not going to end up dead. I can handle myself.”

“Doesn’t mean you should. Would you let either of us go by ourselves? Would Shiro let you go off alone?”

Keith freezes over at the mention of Shiro. His heart squeezes something awful in his chest. Everybody has stopped bringing him up after Keith kept blowing up at them over simply mentioning his name. He sees the calculating look in Pidge’s eyes and knows she’s taking a gamble. 

Because the short answer is no, he wouldn’t. Keith wouldn’t let any of them go alone and Shiro would insist on coming with him. 

But the fact of the matter is to get the recording they want, the zomb is going to have to see them which means that it and any other zombs in the area will be ready to give chase as soon as they’re spotted. He’s not going to put any of them in danger just because they don’t want him to go alone.

He’s lost so many people to these things, so many people he’s grown to love more than anything. He’s not going to lose her or anyone else. 

Pidge has known him long enough that she can see it plain as day on his face. She gives him her typical stubborn look and says, “Keith either you let me go with you or I’ll just follow you.”

Keith sighs - the problem is he knows she’ll do it too. Pidge is grinning smugly like she knows she’s already won. 

“Let’s call Hunk to bring the truck,” Pidge suggests. “Lance and Allura can stay with the van until we get back.”

They contact the others on their communicators, giving a brief explanation and asking Hunk to come meet them. They don’t have long before the zomb disappears and Keith doesn’t want to do anything without a getaway car.

Worried that the sound of the engine will attract unwanted visitors, Keith tells Hunk to wait outside the town. He’s still concerned that it’s not close enough but there’s nothing to be done for it. He just has to trust in Pidge’s ability to move fast and stay ahead. 

Hunk too doesn’t seem to like the situation. He doesn’t really understand what’s happening as he has yet to hear the zomb but he trusts in their judgement. Well. He trusts in Pidge’s judgement. Keith doesn’t think anyone is trusting his opinion of things at the moment. 

_ “I’ll wait for you guys out here,” _ Hunk’s voice crackles in his ear.  _ “Just be careful. If you need it I can come pick you up.” _

“Don't worry Hunk, we’ve got this. We’ll keep you posted,” Pidge replies before clicking off the earpiece. 

Hunting for a specific zomb in a maze of old, rusted cars doesn’t seem like a very smart idea. He has a bad feeling that this won’t end well but they push forward regardless. Cars lay stacked one on top of the other, most rusted and old and of no use to them. Spare parts lay scattered everywhere and Keith steps around them carefully to avoid making too much noise.

They’re not very far into the lot when something catches his attention, a weird humming noise that he has to take a moment to place but when he does his eyes widen in alarm. It’s coming from the other side of a stack of tires and he stops Pidge with a hand on her shoulder. He holds a finger to his lips before gesturing towards the pile. 

Pidge pulls out the recorder with her free hand and he sees her hit the record button, gesturing for him to take the lead. Keith’s grip clenches on the handle of his machete before he whips around the corner to confront it. 

There isn’t anything particularly special about this zomb apart from the humming - it’s just as ugly as every other zomb they’ve seen. Keith doesn’t quite know what makes a zomb special enough to make this much noise but he doesn’t care to find out - that’s Pidge and Hunk’s job. He just wants to get rid of every last one of them. 

It catches sight of him and every hair on his body stands on end as it’s mouth stretches open and it lets out a ghoulish shriek. 

The cry is warbling and high as the zomb shuffles towards them. It’s jaw snaps, saliva hanging from rotting teeth as it stumbles. He can hear the stirrings of more of the undead from all around them and it causes a spike of anxiety to zip through him. 

Keith hopes Pidge has the recording she needs because if they don’t get out now they won’t get out at all. He moves forward fluidly to sink his machete into the head of the zomb and the wailing cuts off abruptly. 

“Go, go go,” Keith hisses as he grabs Pidge’s arm and pulls her along.

They twist through the maze, aiming for the shop - to get back to the main road they have to cut through it unless they want to tackle the barbed wire fence. A zomb raises up in front of them and Keith doesn’t hesitate to strike it down. This is starting to feel all too familiar and it lights a fire in Keith that he didn’t know was possible before, spurring him on to greater and greater speeds.

They vault through the back door of the shop and skid to a stop when they catch sight of the front.

It’s completely blocked by zombs from the outside. 

When they catch sight of Keith and Pidge they get more excited, whipping themselves up into a frenzy. The front door is still intact but it won’t be for long - already Keith can see the cracks expanding in the glass. Beside him Pidge gasps.

Keith grabs Pidge’s wrist and drags her back. It’s too many to fight and their only option will be to find a different route. 

“There,” Pidge gasps, pointing to a door off to the side.

They tumble into the office just in time to hear the front door shatter. The office is small and cramped. A desk is shoved into one corner and filing cabinets line the opposite wall. Papers sit on every available surface and flow over onto the floor. A window sits high in the wall behind the desk and Keith wonders whose bright idea it was to put a window that far up.

“Through the window,” Keith says through panting breaths. He gestures towards it. “We’ll have to use the desk. I’ll cover you.”

“Nu-uh, you first.”

“Pidge, we don’t have  _ time _ for this. Hunk can’t get close with the truck unless he wants to be swarmed.” A thud sounds from the other side of the door and they give each other alarmed looks. They can see arms against the tiny pane of glass set in the door.

“Go,” Keith urges her. “I’m right behind you. Just trust me.”

The door rattles on its hinges as Pidge climbs on the desk. Keith puts his back to it in an attempt to give it some stability but they really don’t have long. She goes to pry open the window but it doesn’t budge, shifting half an inch up and then staying put no matter how much she pulls.

“It’s stuck! I can’t get it open,” says Pidge, sounding halfway to panicking.

The door bumps behind him, sweat dripping down his back. He doesn’t want to let it go but he knows he has to get up there and help her get the window open. If they don’t get it open they’re done for and not only will he be torn apart but Pidge will as well. 

It’s too much. He can’t do this. Not alone, not without -

Shiro. What would Shiro do?

_ Patience yields focus. _

Keith closes his eyes and takes a deep breath to center himself. If Shiro isn’t here to believe in him then Keith is just going to have to believe for the both of them. Keith has to make sure the others make it to the Garrison, alive and well.

His resolve hardens. If he’s going to do this then he has to be quick.

“Trade places with me.”

Pidge jumps off the desk without hesitation, moving to brace herself against the door. Her smaller stature doesn’t allow for as much pressure on the door but every little bit helps. Keith will just have to be quick about it.

He scrambles onto the desk and digs his fingers into the bottom edge, straining to pull it up. It squeaks up another half inch, enough to get the palms of his hands under it and heave. Hard metal digs into his palms and leaves little divots as he pulls and pulls and  _ pulls. _

“Just a little more, come on -”

The window wrenches open and cool air wafts over him. He turns to give Pidge a triumphant look when the glass pane on the door bursts inward. Pidge shrieks as hands reach through and one manages to latch onto her shoulder in a terrifyingly strong grip. A face appears in the door, ghastly and awful.

His world narrows to a point. His heartbeat rings in his ears as his breathing stutters, eyes going wide. For a moment everything is suspended.

_ He can’t lose her too,  _ Keith thinks. It’s the only thought in his head.

Keith launches himself off the desk and forward with his machete raised. It sinks into the head of the zomb with ease but gets stuck when he tries to pull it out. Keith gasps in surprise when his arm is jerked forward and he plants his foot on the door and yanks, stumbling backwards when it jerks free. The zomb disappears into the pile as more push forward.

“Go!” Keith yells at Pidge who stands stunned next to him. “Get out of here!”

She doesn’t hesitate, vaulting onto the desk and reaching for the window. She can get her arms through but isn’t tall enough to climb the rest of the way, her feet kicking wildly in the air behind her. It’s to no avail - she won’t be able to do it without a boost.

Keith glances at the door, hinges coming off now, but the decision is nothing. 

He jumps onto the desk behind her and helps her claw her way through. She wriggles through the window and disappears. 

“Come on Keith, hurry!” he hears called to him from the other side just as the door finally loses its fight and busts open.

Keith reaches up to pull himself through and is almost there when a hand closes around his ankle. He growls angrily; he has not come this far to be dragged back in now. Keith can see Pidge’s terrified face when he loses ground but he clings to the window and kicks out with all the strength he has. 

His foot connects with something solidly and he’s able to wrench it away, slithering through the window and tumbling to the ground below, hard. He gasps as the wind is knocked out of him, trying to breath through the feeling of his lungs collapsing on themselves.

Pidge doesn’t give him time to catch his breath, grabbing his wrist in a death grip and pulling him along behind her. The road is blessedly free of zombs and it almost seems too easy after what they’ve endured. They pick up the pace until they’re running, flying down towards where Hunk should be waiting for them. 

Keith can see the truck idling in the distance but they’re in the home stretch now, panting heavily but never losing speed. His breath leaves him in heaves and his lungs burn with the effort. 

“Are you guys okay,” Hunk asks when they swing the door open and tumble in, alarmed at their disheveled appearance. 

“Just get us out of here,” Pidge gasps. Hunk is quick to comply, throwing the truck in drive and taking off. 

Once they’re on the road she turns and whacks Keith across the chest. 

“Ow!” he exclaims, rubbing his chest. Pidge may be small but she can hit hard when she wants to. “What was that for?”

“Don’t you ever.  _ Ever.  _ Do that to me again,” Pidge says. Angry tears are running down her face and the sight of them sends a bolt of trepidation through him. The feeling only serves to make him squirm, frustrated not at her but at himself. That line blurs together in his chest until he’s just as angry.

“What was I supposed to do, leave you?” Keith snaps back. Shiro is already lost to them because of Keith - he won’t let her be lost as well. 

“Yes! You leave me behind and you keep going!” She exclaims back. Hunk stays silent in the front seat, not wanting to intervene in whatever is happening in the seats behind him.

“Yeah, that’s not happening,” Keith scoffs. “If you think I’d leave you behind you’ve got another thing coming.”

“ _ Ugh,” _ Pidge yells, burying her hands in her hair and yanking. “Why are you like this?”

Then she surprises Keith by hugging him so tight it hurts. Pidge doesn’t hug that often but when she does it’s with her whole being, like she has too many emotions packed in too small a body. Keith is shocked but he lays his arms gently around her and hugs her back.

It’s been weeks since he last hugged someone. 

“You can’t leave me like that. I can’t lose you too,” she sniffs. “I can’t lose you too.”

Keith meets Hunk’s eyes in the rearview mirror but glances away. He doesn’t want to confront this thing growing inside him, these emotions festering and burning him from the inside out. Maybe if he doesn’t think about it, if he pushes it down far enough, he won’t have to face it. 

He just wants to get the van working again so they can get on the road. He has someone waiting for him. 

\--------------

_ For the first few weeks after he starts traveling with the trio, he’s quiet.  _

_ His voice sounds too loud, too foreign to his own ears. It feels like something changed in him during those days spent locked up and he doesn’t know how to handle it. It’s as if something big, something fundamental has been wrenched to the side - a gear just enough off track that it won’t start ticking again on it’s own. _

_ Because of this he spends much of his time observing his new traveling companions. It doesn’t take long to figure out that Pidge and Matt are siblings, something he suspected from the start by how much they looked like each other. Between their sandy hair and mischievous eyes they could be twins if not for the fact that Matt is obviously a few years older and Pidge’s hair a few inches longer.  _

_ The two of them act as your typical siblings - or what Keith thinks of as your typical siblings. He doesn’t actually have a lot of positive things to base his observations off of. One thing he does recognize though, is the true affection that shines off of them when they interact with each other.  _

_ They pester and banter, taunt and ruffle. They treat Shiro like a brother and Shiro wears that with pride. On multiple occasions he has seen Matt and Pidge team up to tease him and he laughs, smile sunbright, and ribs them back. They love each other, that much is apparent.  _

_ All it serves to do is make him feel more lonely.  _

_ He does contemplate leaving - just picking up his supplies and disappearing into the night before they realize what a screw up he is and ditch him themselves. He’s pretty sure he could survive too, at least for a little while. But there’s something about Pidge’s humor, Matt’s smirk, Shiro’s smile that keeps him trailing after the group day after day. And soon enough, it’s less like trailing and more like walking beside. _

_ He is surprised though. Despite everything they seem rather animated and much less anxious than Keith would have guessed for people as young as them traveling on their own. He gets the feeling that they haven’t run into many zombies or have dealt with the less than savory crowd of humans left over. But he knows different. He’s seen some shit and this semi-peace won’t last. Especially not while Keith’s around - he has a way of attracting problems. _

_ It doesn’t take long to realize that just because he doesn’t talk much to them doesn’t mean they don’t do the same. Or try to at least. After he entered the system, not many people wanted to get to know him and he doesn’t particularly want to answer many questions about his past or how he ended up in that grocery store.  _

_ Which is why it’s so shocking that they try so hard to break the ice without making him overly uncomfortable. _

_ They all have a different way of going about it too. Pidge is a chatterbox, filling the silence with her rambling. After days, weeks, months of nothing but the sounds of himself it’s a shocking adjustment. Most of the time he just lets her talk and stands in awkward silence as she rambles on. Keith hasn’t asked where they’re going but Pidge answers anyway as they pack up supplies one morning. _

_ “We’re on our way to the Sanctuary,” Pidge tells him conspiratorially. At his questioning look she elaborates, “We got separated from our parents before this even started, Matt and I. We go to a boarding school a couple states over, ever heard of the Galaxy Garrison?” _

_ Keith gives her a blank stare but she ignores it to continue, “Mom and Dad work for them but were out on a scouting project when the brain eaters came. The Sanctuary is the closest camp to where they were when the government started rounding up civilians. They’ll be there.”  _

_ She says all of this very decisively as if there is no other alternative. Keith wishes he had such confidence.  _

_ Matt is a bit of an enigma. Like his sister, he can spend all day happily chatting about whatever is on his mind - from quantum physics to the pranks he pulled in school to stories of his and Pidge’s childhood - but unlike his sister he gets quiet at times, contemplative. Keith can see that Matt is studying him and it would cause him more anxiety if Matt didn’t give him a genuine smile every time he’s caught staring. _

_ He gets the feeling he’s being evaluated, like he has to pass some test to get Matt’s full approval. Though Matt isn’t visibly thrown off by his standoffish nature, he’s seen that look on too many people’s faces to completely write it off. _

_ Then there’s Shiro who perhaps confuses him the most. As the oldest he is the de facto leader, calm and cool and collected. He has the final say in almost everything they do but he never takes advantage of it - always opting to hear their opinions before going through with something.  _

_ Keith has never met someone that exudes such calm authority that didn’t take advantage of it. _

_ He seems to have a knack for knowing what Keith needs too, when to push and when to back off. When the silence gets to be too much and Keith is taken back to metal shelves and wrists rubbed raw, Shiro fills the silence with quiet stories and soft words. When his people limit is at maximum and he gets overwhelmed Shiro will draw attention off of him and give him time to come back to himself. _

_ Shiro isn’t thrown off by his sullen silences either. He gives Keith his space when he wants it even when it’s less because Keith is at his limit and more because he is used to doing things on his own. Though, he also tries to talk to Keith one on one a lot more often than Keith expected when he first started traveling with them. _

_ Sometimes he gasps awake from nightmares of running and running and running and never finding anyone and he doesn’t know where he is or who he’s with. Sometimes he jerks awake to zombies tearing them apart or people doing unspeakable things to them to survive. Sometimes he sees himself doing those things and it’s enough to make him sick. _

_ These nights are some of the hardest but it’s always easier when Shiro’s the one on watch. He never presses Keith with questions but he lets Keith sit next to him so he’s not alone. Keith’s favorite nights are when it’s cold and Shiro will hold up the edge of his blanket and allow Keith to share it with him. _

_ After that first day though, he doesn’t bring up stories from his childhood again. On some nights Keith catches him staring up into the vastness of space as though it holds all the answers. _

_ “Why did you share all that stuff with me when we first met?” Keith gets the courage to ask Shiro on one of these nights. It’s gotten easier to talk to them, Shiro especially, and it sometimes surprises him to see how far he’s come. Shiro looks confused for a moment before his expression clears and something unreadable crosses his face. _

_ “Honestly? You looked like you needed to hear something other than your own voice. I didn’t know how long you’d been there for or what happened. Sometimes we all just need a little connection Keith. Something to remember we’re real. I’m just glad I said the right thing,” his smile is sad as he ruffles Keith’s hair. _

_ On one of their routine food stops, a house deep in the countryside this time, Pidge elects to pair up with Keith and though Matt looks uneasy he repents under Pidge’s fierce look. They’ll still be in the same building, it’ll be fine she tells him. She’s taken down just as many zombies as he has, would it kill him to trust her? _

_ Matt and Shiro elect to take the second story which leaves Pidge and him to clear out and raid the ground floor. The living room is fairly well kept if not dirty - the dust that coats the ground like a blanket shows that nobody has been in or out recently. _

_ The kitchen is empty and it looks like whoever lived there left in a hurry. Appliances are knocked over and something dark and sticky coats the cabinets and floor. A god-awful smell is coming from the fridge and after a glance at each other they both steer well away from it.  _

_ A quick look through the cabinets (Keith is near certain that the dried substance on the handle is blood and he takes great caution in avoiding it) shows that they’re empty. And not even picked over but completely empty as though someone very thoroughly cleared it. _

_ “Hey Keith, come look over here!” _

_ They thought it was a pantry, is all he can tell Shiro and Matt later. They thought it was a pantry and that’s the only reason they opened it in the first place. What he doesn’t tell them is that Pidge is the one that insisted they go down the steps to check out the cellar by themselves instead of calling Shiro and Matt down like Keith wanted. _

_ “There could be canned food down there, this house is literally on a farm. We need to eat Keith. Besides, we can handle anything down there just fine,” she says dismissively. “If it was full of zombies we’d have heard them by now.” _

_ He hesitates but follows when she starts down the steps - despite his reluctance, he won’t let her go alone. He does draw his knife though, ready to go at the first sign of trouble. _

_ The cellar is dark and dank, smelling of earth and the inside of a porta potty. He gags a little at the smell and clamps a hand over his nose in an attempt to block it out. _

_ “Oh, that is rank. What crawled down here and died?” Pidge exclaims with disgust. “Actually, I’m hoping we don’t find out the answer to that.”  _

_ She’s pulled out a flashlight and it’s beam causes dust mites to dance as it sweeps over the room. Keith spots a cord hanging from the ceiling and tugs it but no lights turn on - he didn’t really expect them to but it was worth a shot. _

_ “How are you okay with this?” _

_ “Sometimes our experiments didn’t go as planned. We always had weird smells floating around our house.” _

_ “I think you need to work on your definition of weird,” he says, more than slightly incredulously. _

_ Shelves with grime covered jars take up most of the space that leads to a set of stairs across from them. Cobwebs hang from the beams that make up the ceiling and he can hear tiny scuffling noises that signal something small and furry. A stack of crates sit in the far corner, their wood falling apart. Other than that there’s not much else. There are no zombies as far as he can see. _

_ Yet everything in him is screaming to leave, to get out, something is wrong and they should not be here. Pidge leads the way over to the shelves, her light shining on the glass as she reaches up to pluck one down. He is helpless to follow her. _

_ “Hmmm. Doesn’t look like it’s any good. What do you think?” _

_ “Pidge, I really don’t think we should be here. We need to go back.” _

_ She sighs as she turns to face him and holds out the jar in her hand. “There’s nothing here Keith. Now can you open this for me? I wanna know what’s in it.” _

_ Keith is just reaching out to take it from her when a hand shoots out of nowhere, grabs Pidge by the hair, and  _ pulls. _ She shrieks and drops the jar where it explodes with a shattering crash that sends a goopy mess everywhere. Her flashlight clatters and rolls, sending beams of haunting light shining across the floor. _

_ He jumps back to avoid the glass in the same motion that he holds up his knife. Pidge is struggling, both hands clawing at the arm wrapped around her neck in a stranglehold, and all Keith can think is  _ oh god _. _

_ But it isn’t a zombie like Keith thinks it is initially - it’s a  _ human _. Wild eyed and grime covered with yellow teeth that grin out from a crooked smile. He tightens his arm around Pidge who squeaks and attempts to sink her nails into it but he doesn’t even seem to notice. He’s still got a hand fisted in her hair, the same that’s wrapped around her throat, and it pulls her head back uncomfortably. Her wide eyes find Keith’s, begging for help.  _

_ He’s never seen her scared before.  _

_ He decides very quickly he never wants to see it again. _

_ “You know, I was just thinking about how it was time to go hunting. Guess I don’t need to do that anymore,” he says, voice oily and thick like tar. He’s holding a revolver in his free hand pointed directly at Keith. _

_ He can hear pounding above them followed shortly by Matt frantically calling for Pidge. The man looks up, momentarily distracted, and Keith doesn’t hesitate. He’s always been fast and he uses that to his advantage, ducking out of the way and moving to put the full weight of his body into stomping on the man’s instep. _

_ A shot rings out at the same time the man cries out in pain and anger, bullet ricocheting somewhere in the cellar. Pidge is able to squirm free and hits the floor, scrambling to move out of the way and losing her footing in the process. The man lunges for her but Keith puts himself in between them and sideswipes his knee. He trips and the gun clatters out of his hand and across the ground. _

_ Keith has been in his fair share of fights and he knows what it looks like when someone is in fight or flight mode. The apocalypse has not been kind to the parts of the brain that say ask questions first or don’t eat people. They were just the unfortunate souls that invaded this man’s territory and like any starving, cornered animal he decided to fight back.  _

_ But Keith will not allow him to hurt Pidge or any of the others. Though the man is taller than him, he’s emaciated and clearly weak - Keith has fought bullies stronger than him. It only takes a few well placed blows to the head to lay him out. Pidge stares at him in shock from her place on the ground. _

_ It’s about then that Matt and Shiro come bursting down the stairs with weapons raised. Shiro stops to take stock but Matt sees Pidge still on the floor and he only has eyes for her. His weapon clatters to the ground as he falls to his knees and scoops her up. Pidge’s arms go around him instantly. _

_ “Pidge! Pidge are you okay? What happened?” _

_ Which is about the time that Pidge bursts into tears. _

_ She’s never looked smaller. Pidge is the youngest of them all but she is full of such life and self-assuredness that Keith has never seen her as her actual age. Right now she looks every bit her twelve years.  _

_ He watches Shiro and Matt take in the scene before them, their eyes moving from Pidge to Keith to the man on the floor and back and he braces himself. He knew it was coming - it was just a matter of time before they realized that having Keith travel with them is a mistake. Keith almost got Pidge killed, he allowed her to go down there and she could have died because of it. He’s always attracted the worst sort of trouble and it’s all his fault. _

_ But the executioner’s ax he’s bracing himself for never comes. From his place on the floor with his arms wrapped tight around Pidge, Matt looks up and meets Keith’s eyes.  _ Thank you, _ he mouths. His eyes shine with gratitude but it’s more than that, a kind of primal relief that glows from somewhere deep.  _

_ Shiro wraps an arm around his shoulders and pulls him into his side. “You did good buddy,” he whispers into Keith’s hair. “Come on, let’s get out of here before he wakes up.” _

_ Something deep in Keith seems to mend. Not completely, but enough to start healing. _

_ The next time they stop and set up camp Keith quietly holds up his knife in question and Pidge nods in silent acceptance. Matt and Shiro watch as he leads her to sit down in front of him - neither have taken their eyes off of her since the incident - and kneels behind her. _

_ She’s quiet as he slices through her hair but when he’s done she turns around and hugs him like she’ll fall apart if she doesn’t. It’s one part thanks two parts desperation but nothing surprises him more than when he hugs her back. _

_ After that he seems to pass whatever unspoken test Matt has set him to. When they travel he ruffles Keith’s hair and teases him like he would Pidge and it’s oddly soothing in its own way. Keith doesn’t feel like he did anything anyone else wouldn’t do but he accepts the thanks nonetheless. _

_ When they finally get to the Sanctuary, they are met by a man and woman that could only be the Holt’s parents. They run to the gates as the four of them are let through and their mom promptly bursts into tears as she scoops up Pidge with one arm and reaches around to pull Matt to her with the other. They all sink to the ground as their father joins them and there is tears and laughter and love. Keith’s happy for them. They deserve it. _

_ But as much as he tries to ignore it, as much as he tries to block it from his mind and be happy for his new friends, he can't help but notice there’s no one to meet Shiro.  _


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T/W: Minor but unintentional self-harm. Please see chapter end notes for more details!

The Garrison is a U shaped collection of buildings that seem to have no order to them, slate grey and covered in dirt from the surrounding desert. It’s concrete on the lower floors, sturdy and impenetrable, while smooth glass takes over the upper levels. What appears to be a greenhouse sits to the left, completely separate from the main group of buildings. The place looks abandoned from the outside, dark and foreboding. ****

The wind blows dust through the air and Keith squints to avoid getting it in his eyes as he stares at the compound. Below is the answer to the question he’s been dreading since they left the mall. ****

This whole time his only goal was to get to the Garrison and find Shiro. Now that they’re here he doesn’t know what he’ll do if Shiro isn’t there - he hasn’t allowed himself to think about it, too worried it would cause his thoughts to snowball even more than they already have. ****

The others are lined up next to him debating quietly but Keith tuned them out miles ago. Their voices have been increasingly grating on his nerves to the point that he’s had to learn to block them out or risk losing what little grasp he still has on his emotions. ****

“You would think that there would be more people with it being a military base. Where is everybody?” Keith hears Hunk question from his place beside him and it’s important enough for Keith to tune back in to the conversation at hand. 

Because he’s not wrong. With the way Pidge talked about the Garrison they expected it to be teeming with life. They expected people and guards manning the gates, maybe even cars or other smaller vehicles moving supplies. 

They didn’t expect this.  
  
“I don’t understand,” Pidge says, shock evident in her voice. She frowns, worry lines appearing on her brow. “When we left this place was locked down tight. It was one of the safest places I’ve ever seen. What happened?”  
  
“We can’t worry about that now,” Keith tells them, folding his arms in front of him. “Let’s just keep moving. We’re too exposed up here.”  
  
“Keith don’t you think we should scout this place out a bit more? We literally just got caught in a nest full of zombs because we trusted someone else’s information instead of looking for ourselves.”

Keith grits his teeth so hard that for a moment he fears they may shatter. “You can do whatever you want - I’m going down there. Shiro could by himself waiting for us.”

“But Keith -”

Keith ignores them to walk to the truck. He doesn’t have time to wait around when he could be _doing_ something.

They slowly follow as Keith starts the truck, not wanting to be left behind. Keith wouldn’t have done it but if it means they come along quicker he’s all for it. He wasn’t lying when he said they were too exposed - the sandy dunes allow for little cover and though they’ve seen next to no zombs in the desert heat it doesn’t mean they shouldn’t find shelter soon. 

They drive down to the front gate and park the cars, jumping out to see that it’s padlocked shut with heavy chains. Hunk pulls out a pair of bolt cutters from the trunk of the van and cuts through the lock like butter, allowing it to fall away. 

The gate groans loudly as they push it open but nothing approaches them. The stretch of land that reaches from the gate to the front entrance is made of sand and hard packed dirt. Driving the cars through is easy; locking the gates behind them is a bit harder. Keith would just tell them to leave it be but they can’t afford to let unwanted creatures in and it would be easier to force their way out if they need to make a quick exit.

From there Pidge directs them to a side door in the right wing claiming that this was where the dormitories were and if anyone else was hiding out here that’s where they’d be. The door creaks open on rusty hinges and emergency lights flash on, illuminating the hallway beyond in a red glow. They can’t see very far down the hall but they creep inside anyway with weapons raised and ready. 

He doesn’t know how this place has enough power for them to turn on and Hunk must be thinking something similar when he says, voice low, “I can’t tell if the red glowly lights are a good thing or a bad thing.”

“The Garrison runs on solar panels,” Pidge whispers back. “I’m more surprised that there aren’t more lights on. That just means…” She trails off with a side look at Keith that he ignores.

“Allura, maybe you should stay here until we’ve cleared the floor. We can set you up in one of the rooms?”

“Lance,” Allura says, patient. “I’m pregnant not an invalid. Give me the revolver and I’ll cover us from behind.”

Lance looks like he’s about to protest but Allura only has to give him a single look before he meekly hands over the spare gun strapped to his leg. 

The first floor is unnervingly bare. The hallways twist and turn like a labyrinth but Pidge leads them systematically through every part without getting lost once. They don’t run into anything, zombs or people, and it sets them all on edge. If there had once been an entire base here and it’s now this empty, where did all the people go? 

They decide to start checking the dorm rooms as well and like the hallways they’re all empty. It’s as if everybody has just up and left without a trace. Most of the rooms are still full of personal belongings though that doesn’t surprise Keith as much as the absence of people does. He doesn’t know how to feel about the lack of clues as to what happened here either. 

Pidge grows increasingly anxious the further they move until finally she hesitates outside one door in particular.

“This was Shiro and Matt’s room,” she explains quietly. The tension in the air grows thick. “They liked the first floor because it was easier to sneak in and out after curfew. If - If you guys want to check it out you can but I think I’ll stay here.”

She looks like someone who is trying to stay strong but is drowning in memories. Keith wants to hug her, help make her feel better, but he’s struggling to get a handle on the sudden emotion that rises up at her words. 

This… wasn’t something Keith was expecting. He knew objectively that Shiro and Matt were best friends in school and that was how they ended up traveling together. He also knew that they had lived together during their time here. 

He just hadn’t expected to actually run across their shared living space.

Keith shouldn’t. He knows he shouldn’t, that it will only hurt him. But if Shiro is going to be hiding out anywhere in this place it’ll be his own room, right? 

The door slides open just like all the others have. It’s pitch black on the other side and Keith flicks on his flashlight, dust dancing in its beam. A short hallway leads to a small living room, the furniture inside dirty and pushed out of place. Two doors are set into opposite walls and if this setup is like all the other rooms they’ve come across, these are the bedrooms. 

Keith chooses the door on the left first and doesn’t look to see who is following him in. Frankly, he doesn’t care. He has a sudden, burning need to see what’s in here for himself, to know if Shiro is waiting for him. The door slides open with the slightest whine and an overwhelming smell of rotting meat and decay assaults him. 

There’s hardly any warning before a snarling has him flinching back and he swings his flashlight around to find the source. A figure rises up from the other side of the room but Keith’s instinctive step forward to get rid of it ends in him stumbling when he gets a good look at the thing. 

In a heart wrenching moment, Keith sees Shiro.

The thing is tall and broad though falling apart with age. It’s right arm is missing at the elbow but it’s a passing thought to the blaring alarms that sound in Keith’s head when he spots the white hair on its head. It rumbles, jaws snapping as it stumbles towards him and Keith suddenly can’t move, his whole body freezing over in complete shock and horror. 

“Keith, move!” 

But he can’t. He’s locked onto that white hair and that build and all he can see is his best friend, his lover, his everything shambling towards him with the intent to kill. 

A gunshot rings out in the small space. The sound is enough to snap him out of it and he stumbles backwards, tripping over his own feet as the zomb goes down in front of him with a bullet in its forehead. 

To his right Allura stands steady and tall with her feet planted shoulder width apart, revolver held firmly in front of her. 

“Are you alright?” she asks him. 

He is not. He is not alright and he doesn’t think he ever will be again. Keith doesn’t respond, staring blankly at the wall in front of him. 

“What happened?” Lance has arrived from the second bedroom followed quickly by Hunk and Pidge. 

“Keith?” Allura asks again, ignoring them. A hand gently lands on his shoulder. The touch burns. 

His mouth opens and closes but he can’t force any words out. What do they do now? Do they - do they bury the body? Cremate it? Did Shiro even want to be cremated? Is - what -

He doesn’t realize he’s managed to say anything out loud until Allura squeezes his shoulders from her place in front of him. When did she get there?

“Keith, look.” She says. “It’s not him. It’s not Shiro.”

It takes everything in him to look down at the zomb below. 

He immediately sees that she’s right - it’s not Shiro. Though the zomb is badly decayed and quite literally falling apart, he can tell that it’s not Shiro. It’s too old to be him, likely sitting here for months on end until they came along to disturb it.

It should make him feel better. It does not. 

When Keith was a kid, his first reaction to things he had trouble processing was to run. He ran when his dad died and the police came to tell him. He ran when his foster families treated him like dirt. He ran when the zombs came and the only other option was getting torn apart. He’s always had running to fall back on - it wasn’t until he met Shiro that he learned that there were better, healthier ways to process your emotions. 

But Shiro isn’t here. And he has a sudden, blinding urge to get as far away from here as possible. 

Keith turns on his heel and in three steps he’s gone from walking to sprinting out the door. He runs into something on his way out and a cry of surprise follows him. Keith is blind to it all - all he can focus on is getting out and far, far away.

He bursts out of the room and doesn’t know where to go even though he knows he will never be able to go far enough. He blindly picks a direction and doesn’t think, just moves. His breath heaves in and out but he can’t get enough in, can’t breathe. 

He finally stumbles into a wall and stops running to lean against it, trying to catch his breath. Before his eyes he sees Shiro laughing, Shiro teasing, Shiro calling him baby with such fondness. He sees all the time spent loving each other. Then it turns, churning in his mind until he sees a zomb with Shiro’s face and none of Shiro’s warmth. 

It’s something that will haunt his dreams for the rest of his life. 

He’s still panting like he ran miles as he slides down to the floor. He’s numb. Completely and utterly numb. The breakdown will come when he can finally feel something again, he knows it will. It’s been bubbling for weeks now, a simmering just under the surface. Until then only one thought chases itself in his mind, one certainty that he doesn’t want to believe but is forced to anyway. 

The Garrison is completely devoid of life. Shiro isn’t there.

\------------

_Guards take the three of them to get a full physical and go through a decontamination process. The Holt parents - who are quickly introduced to him as “Call us Sam and Colleen” - refuse to leave their kid’s side even as the four of them are separated to make the process faster. Keith doesn’t fight it, if only because Shiro gives him a reassuring pat on the shoulder as he’s led away with the promise to find him after._

_From what he can see, the facilities are fairly large and advanced given the circumstances. Keith doesn’t like that he can’t tell where Shiro and the others are as they lead him by himself through sterile hallways. He has no doubt that the Holt’s will be okay with their parents there to oversee everything, but what about Shiro? He didn’t have anyone to keep an eye on him, to make sure they aren’t prying too much. Was he going to be okay by himself?_

_The nurse that rushes in to see him is harried but nice as she takes his vital signs and draws some blood for testing. Keith is extremely hesitant to let her anywhere near him - especially with any sharp objects - and she seems to sense his skittishness, keeping her motions slow and talking him through everything. It helps when she tells him that the sooner he’s done with this the sooner he can meet back up with the others._

_After he’s done talking to the nurse he sits there by himself for what seems like ages, kicking his legs in agitation from his place on the exam table. A knock comes at the door and it opens before Keith can answer, letting a man with a clipboard through. Like the nurse he looks rushed but he is not nearly as friendly, the glasses sitting perched on his nose sliding down constantly as he takes one look at Keith and starts jotting stuff down._

_It’s all, unfortunately, very familiar to Keith._

_“Okay. To start off, my name is Ian Montgomery and I’m going to be getting you settled in here at the Sanctuary. I’ll start by reading you our welcome spiel then I’ll ask you some questions,” he says as he uses his foot to pull a chair forward and sit. He flips through the papers on his clipboard before he settles on one and starts to talk, sounding bored and rehearsed._

_“Welcome to the Sanctuary, one of the largest government run post-apocalyptic facilities in place. We commend you on finding your way to us and we are ready to work with you to provide a stable and happy future. Life here at the Sanctuary is as calm and peaceful as can be but it only works if the rules set in place are followed.”_

_He goes on to explain the jobs, the way food allocation works, the curfew. Nobody is allowed outside of the gates without reason and most reasons are only for the scouting crews. There’s no school system but children are expected to do their part to keep the Sanctuary up and running. Breaking any rules can endanger the lives of the people who live there and will not be tolerated._

_Essentially, if they want the protection of the Sanctuary they need to sit down, shut up, and do their job. Keith doesn’t think he’s going to like it here._

_“If you will allow me to ask you some questions, we can get your new life started here as soon as possible. We welcome you to the Sanctuary and hope that yada yada ya.” He waves his hand in the air dismissively. There’s another shuffling of papers before he clicks his pen and starts. “Name?”_

_“Keith Kogane.”_

_“Birthday?”_

_“October 23rd.”_

_“Let me guess, twelve? Thirteen?”_

_“Fourteen.”_

_“Small for your age then. Won’t be much help on the walls,” he says, making a note. Keith bristles in indignation. He may be on the smaller side but he damn well knows how to use it to his advantage._

_“Do you have any family that you know of? Any that might be here?”_

_Keith tenses and shakes his head mutely. That information is not something he’s willing to share._

_“Figures... That just makes this harder. Now. Where to put you, where to put you,” he says absently as he taps his pen on his chin. Keith fidgets uncomfortably, the plastic exam table crinkling underneath him._

_“When can I see Shiro and the others?” Keith can’t help but ask suddenly. He doesn’t want to be put anywhere that isn’t with them and he doesn’t like how this man acts like he’s not really there._

_Montgomery doesn’t look up from his clipboard as he asks, “Those the kids you came in with?”_

_His hands squeeze into fists reflexively, dirty nails digging crescents into the palms of his hands. “We’re not kids. Kids wouldn’t have been able to travel as far as we did on our own.”_

_“Hmmm, yes of course,” he brushes off. Keith wants to punch him in the face. This man has no idea what the hell they’ve been through. “But under the definitions of the old laws, you’re underage.”_

_A niggling starts to dig into the back of his head, a dawning clarity that breaks over Keith. Montgomery looks up just in time to catch it, squinting and saying, “Come now, you didn’t think I could just turn you lose out there with no supervision right?”_

_He seems to be annoyed by the panic that overtakes Keith’s face at that because he huffs, putting his pen down and finally looking fully at Keith. “I’m sorry kid but we have ways to deal with children like you that come in with no family. You’ll have to stay there until I can find somewhere permanent. This isn’t just some tiny run community - this is a government sanctioned entity. There are rules to follow.”_

We have places to put children like you… places to put...

_Something icy drips down his spine to land low in his stomach where it spreads until he’s numb and all of a sudden he can’t breathe. He actually can’t believe it. After all this time, after everything that has happened, he’s going back into the system. He can’t believe there even is a system._

_Of all the fucking things to survive the end of the world and it’s the foster care system._

_“W-what about Shiro?”_

_“All three of the others who came in with you will be staying with Commander Holt. From my understanding, he offered to take the second boy in when he realized he knew him.”_

_Shiro… knew the Holt’s parents? It makes sense - he remembers Pidge telling him that the three of them went to school together. He just didn’t think he knew them well enough to live with them._

_Keith can be honest in saying that he never gave much thought to what would happen once they arrived at the Sanctuary, spending most of his time just trying to stay alive. In the off chance he’d allow his mind to wander, he’d assumed that if they found Matt and Pidge’s parents he’d at least have Shiro with him. Never did he think he’d be split up from the others._

_As much as it pains him, he’s glad that they will still be together if the alternative is Pidge and Matt having to go through the pain of losing their parents. Keith unfortunately knows all too well the damage that can cause._

_His mind turns unbidden to his time with the system before the zombies came. He shudders to think of what kind of place they put children in now when there’s even less resources, even less adults, even less food._

_At least… at least the others will be okay, Keith thinks to himself. He can still visit them if they want to see him. Who knows, maybe now that they’ve arrived at their destination they’ll want to find their own people here. If that doesn’t include Keith then he’s going to have to accept that. Might as well start preparing now than months down the road when it’ll hurt more._

_At that thought something in Keith just seems to… shut down. He’s fought so hard for so long, crossed miles of land, killed actual zombies, been handcuffed to a shelf in a grocery store and left to die. But no matter what he does or how hard he fights he is always going to be inconceivably, irrevocably, inconsolably alone._

_He’s never going to be worth the fight. If he wasn’t worth it before the apocalypse, what makes him think that anyone will care now?_

_Montgomery sighs again before he stands up. “Now come on. I can take you to get some new clothes before we go. Those things you’re wearing are filthy.”_

_Keith self consciously squeezes his arms across his chest before getting up to follow him out of the room._

_Following Montgomery feels like he’s being led to the gallows. The stark white walls close in on him and all Keith can think is that he’s lost his chance to get away. He’s never liked enclosed spaces, always preferring the wide open skies and vast expanses of land that surrounded his childhood home and the farther they get the more trapped Keith feels. His breathing picks up, his palms get sweaty, he can feel his heartbeat thudding in his chest like a cornered rabbit and -_

_“Keith!”_

_Shiro comes jogging from down the hall with a bright smile on his face. It fades when Keith won’t look at him and he turns his attention to the man standing over Keith’s shoulders, narrowing his eyes._

_“What’s going on buddy? Where are you going?”_

_Keith opens his mouth to respond when the man cuts in. “I’m sorry, but you’re not supposed to be out of your room. If you could just go back and wait someone will be along to talk to you momentarily.”_

_Shiro’s mouth hardens into a firm line as he steps forward to wrap his arm around Keith’s shoulder, tugging him into his side._

_“I’m afraid I can’t do that until somebody tells me what’s going on.” He draws himself up to his full height, his chest brushing against Keith in the process. If it was anyone else he would shrug them off. Instead he leans into it._

_“I am not at liberty to discuss -”_

_“That’s crap,” Shiro says bluntly. “We’ve been traveling with him and we came in with him. You can’t just try and sneak him off without telling the people he was with where he’s going.”_

_Montgomery comes up short, obviously not expecting the resistance. He looks Shiro up and down, assessing, before he shifts his weight as though gearing up for a fight. His face hardens._

_“I’m taking Keith to get some new clothes before he goes to the place he’ll be staying at.”_

_That gives Shiro pause, eyebrows scrunching low in confusion. “The place he’ll be staying? He’s staying with us. Where else would he be going?”_

_“I can’t ask Commander Holt to take in another until we’ve exhausted all other resources. He’s already gaining three new members to his household, it would be improper to demand more.”_

_Dawning comprehension breaks over Shiro’s face and whatever conclusion he’s come to he doesn’t look happy about. In fact, his face becomes so thunderous it would worry Keith if it was directed at him. Montgomery actually takes a step back._

_“So you were just going to cart him off without saying anything.” It’s not a question though Montgomery opens his mouth to treat it like one. Shiro ignores him. “He’d disappear into whatever half-assed system you have in place and you wouldn’t say a single damn thing to the people that care about him. Does Keith even want to go?”_

_“Does he - what?”_

_“Does Keith want to go? It’s a simple question,” Shiro says slowly, as though he’s talking to a particularly dumb child._

_“I don’t see why that matters when -”_

_“Keith,” Shiro addresses him, turning his head to meet his eyes and ignoring Montgomery completely. Keith can only blink at him in stunned silence. “Do you want to go with him?”_

_That pulls Keith up short. Does Keith want to go with him? His immediate answer is a resounding no, he does not. But what other option does he have? He can’t ask the Holt’s to take him in, doesn’t even know if they would want to, and he won’t put them in the position to awkwardly refuse. It would be best for everyone involved if Keith did go with Montgomery and hope that he wouldn’t be treated too poorly._

_Shiro’s eyes soften as he sees the indecision on Keith’s face. “Don’t think about anything else,” he says kindly, so kindly. “What do_ you _want?”_

_Keith tentatively shakes his head and Shiro takes a moment to scan his face and look deep into his eyes. Whatever he sees there seems to confirm something because he nods his head once and turns back to the other man watching the exchange. His arm tightens around Keith’s shoulders._

_“With all due respect_ sir, _if you separate him from us, we'll leave. We stay together or we don’t stay at all.”_

_Montgomery swells up like a bullfrog and sputters in indignation but Shiro just sets his jaw firmly. Keith can hardly believe the words that have just come out of his mouth, sure he has misunderstood somewhere. Shiro wants him around that much? Enough to actually leave the Sanctuary?_

_“Leave? You can’t leave! It’s way too dangerous out there. Your friend will be perfectly fine here, I’ll see to it that -”_

_“Excuse me. I think I can solve this problem,” comes a voice from behind them._

_Keith whips around to see Sam Holt squeeze his wife’s hand once before approaching from an open door down the hall. Twin bursts of sandy hair peak around the corner of the door to watch the proceedings with rapt attention but neither move to interfere. Between their presence and Shiro’s arm around him, Keith is strangely comforted._

_Sam moves forward to pull Montgomery to the side where they exchange heated words. Or heated words on Montgomery’s part - Sam radiates controlled calm as he talks. Montgomery’s hand gestures get wild for a moment before Sam says something that has him stopping cold, arms falling limp to his sides where he clutches anxiously at his clipboard._

_Finally Montgomery sighs and nods his head, jotting a note down before turning on his heel to continue down the hall. His eyes shift to glance at Keith as he passes but he quickly averts his own, not wanting to be caught staring._

_A voice clears their throat and Keith’s attention is drawn to the man approaching. He’s older, worn down with crows feet crinkling the corners of his eyes and hair turning grey. He looks like he had a good life, before._

_“Hey Keith,” Sam says as he kneels down in front of Keith and holds out a hand. “We didn’t really get long for introductions earlier. I heard you helped get my kids here. I even heard that you saved Katie’s life.” At Keith’s confused look he cups a hand by his mouth and stage whispers with a wink, “Pidge is her nickname. Don’t tell her I told you that.”_

_Keith looks up at Shiro uncertainly who gives him an encouraging smile and nod. It gives Keith the courage he needs to reach forward and shake Sam’s offered hand._

_“I know you don’t know me that well but my wife and I would like to offer you a place to stay with us. It would be a tight fit but something tells me you wouldn’t mind that.” He glances up at Shiro as he says it, something crossing between the two of them that Keith can’t follow. Shiro’s hand reflexively squeezes from where it rests around his shoulders._

_But Keith is too busy dealing with the ringing in his ears and the sudden thought that this must all be some kind of ruse. Because surely, surely he doesn’t really mean it when he offers for Keith to stay with them. Surely this is just Keith misunderstanding and any minute now the floor is going to be ripped out from underneath him, carted off to some obscure corner where he can be dumped and forgotten._

_“You of course don’t have to, if you don’t want to. That’s perfectly alright if not,” Sam says, misreading Keith’s silence entirely. Keith nearly bites his tongue off trying to respond._

_“_ Yes! _I mean,” he clears his throat. “Yes, I would really like that. Are - are you sure, sir?”_

_“Please, call me Sam! There’s no need to be so proper. As for if I’m sure,” he suddenly turns serious, his brows drawing together over eyes that reflect a fear of what could have been. “You saved my daughter’s life. Even if you hadn’t, they speak of you very highly. A friend of theirs is family.”_

_Friends. Family. A chance to stay with the people he’s come to rely on. Keith’s eyes get a little misty at the thought._

_He’s reminded of Shiro’s presence when he clears his throat and says, “We’ve been through too much together to let you go disappearing now. Guess you’re just stuck with us.”_

_The gear is barely on track, dirty and rusted along the edges. It may never get the treatment it needs to fully work again without issue. Yet for the first time, he thinks that someone may be there to help get it working again._

_For the first time, someone is fighting for him to stay with them. And he thinks that this time, they might accomplish it._

\------------

After the potential fiasco with Shiro and Matt’s old room they’ve determined that doing an entire sweep of the dorm rooms is a must. None of them are comfortable with the thought of more zombs hiding away and though the compound isn’t small by any means they all agree that it is worth the time spent investigating. They stop for the day and try to get some rest but Keith can’t sleep, tossing and turning under the thin blanket they tried to get the worst of the dirt off of. When he does sleep he dreams of zombs with white hair attacking him and his friends and wakes in a cold sweat.

The next day they start by clearing a path to the infirmary located in the administration building from where they’ve set up shop in the residency wing. They had made sure the day before that the ground floor of the residency wing was clear of zombs and all entrances were sealed and now Hunk, Lance, and Keith move on to clear out the upper floors. 

After some debate and under Pidge’s insistence, they leave her and Allura to take stock and see what medical supplies they will need to gather before the baby comes. Though Lance hesitates he relents under Allura’s reassuring look and Pidge’s impatiently tapping foot.

The three of them go room to room and check it over for any hidden undead, sweeping the rec rooms and other amenities as they go. It’s tedious work - one wrong move and they could doom all of them - but it’s something that needs to be done.

The hallway they’re in is at the beginning of the third floor, lined on both sides with doors that lead to bedrooms. Keith can see a rec room at the end where the hallway branches off in a T shape. Based on Pidge’s information and roughly drawn map, there is also a student kitchen and some bathrooms that will need to be checked over further along.

They’re not making much progress though, because Lance just won’t...

“...And I think we’re going to set up in one of the rooms with a jack-and-jill bathroom for when little Lance Jr. gets older. Or maybe we should move into one of the commanders apartments? This was a military school right? There must be some sweet units up in the administration building. Maybe we should move up there and -”

_...shut up._

“Lance,” Keith growls through gritted teeth. He doesn’t have the energy to deal with this. “Will you just be quiet already? You’re going to attract every last zomb in this place and I really don’t want to have to save your sorry ass today.”

“Well excuse me for trying to pass the time,” Lance responds, affronted. As though he’s offended that Keith isn’t hanging off his every word. “It’s not like we’ve run into any zombs today. I’m paying attention to what we’re doing.”

“That’s not the point.”

“Then what is the point? Because it seems to me that you’re just trying to be an asshole.”

Keith is ready to deck him. He’s so ready to deck him.

“The _point,_ ” Keith practically snarls as he whips around to poke Lance in the chest, “is that you’re going to get someone hurt because you can’t be quiet for more than five minutes. You’re being a loud mouth and it’s annoying as hell.”

“Hey now guys,” Hunk says, wringing his hands nervously. “There’s no need to fight. We’re supposed to be working together.”

Keith glances at Hunk who looks extremely uncomfortable with the argument taking place before him. Keith feels bad but not bad enough to drop it when Lance gestures with his crossbow and nearly hits Keith in the face.

“Watch it!”

“Tell that to Mr. Emo over here,” Lance says angrily, completely ignoring Keith. His tone is harsh and forceful as he continues, “He needs to stop taking everything out on us. We’ve done nothing but try to keep him alive while he goes off running around like he wants to get bit. Just because he’s upset about Shiro doesn’t mean he can be a jerk to us!”

Keith rears back as though slapped, but Lance takes a step forward to close the distance. His voice is quieter but more intense as he leans into Keith’s space. “Look man, I’m sorry about Shiro. I really am. But you’ve got to stop blaming us for it. Shiro made his decision and we’ve got to respect that.”

Keith’s mouth opens but nothing comes out. He suddenly feels icy cold, his face blanking out as his walls rear up. He’s not talking about this - not here, not now. His feelings on the matter are for him alone. Keith isn’t going to cut himself open and spill his guts to Lance of all people. There’s only one person Keith feels comfortable enough to do that with and he’s not here.

He hates that Lance brought it up at all. He hates even more that a part of him thinks that Lance is right.

All of a sudden he’s less frustrated and more furious. He feels like a volcano about to erupt and he has nowhere to direct it. 

One thing is for certain though - he isn’t going to stay here for this. He turns on his heel and stalks off down the hallway, away from Lance and his stupid face and stupid comments. 

“Keith,” he hears called after him. “Don’t walk away from us! Keith!”

“Oh man,” Hunk says faintly. “Oh man what do we do?”

“ _Ugh,_ never mind! We can keep going without him. C’mon Hunk.”

The door to the bathroom rebounds off the wall behind it as Keith pushes his way through.

Sunlight filters into the room from dusty windows set high in the back wall causing mites to dance in it’s beam. Urinals and bathroom stalls line up on the left while sinks line the right up until a half wall divides the bathroom into shower cubicles.

Keith doesn’t take in any of it though as he paces back and forth like an agitated cat, caged and collared. He’s angry. He’s so angry. He wants to tear his hair out. He wants to punch a wall as hard as he can. He wants to scream and yell until his voice gives out. He wants…. He wants….

He wants _Shiro_.

A great roar leaves his throat and he throws his machete as hard as he can. It hits the wall with a loud clang before falling to the floor, leaving him wholly unsatisfied.

Shiro knows how to make everything better, knows how to calm Keith down. He’s always been able to help Keith be more balanced. Without him Keith feels unmoored, like this feeling inside him is the sea come to drag him away and he can do nothing to fight the pull.

He braces his hands on one of the sinks and stares at his reflection, red ringing his wholly wild eyes. He looks as vulnerable as he feels and he just wants it to go away. He hasn’t felt this exposed since his foster family left him, since he was written off as a problem child, since his father died.

He hates that he feels so powerless, so - so _helpless_. There’s nothing he can do to fix this sinkhole where his heart used to be. It consumes him until he feels like there will be nothing left but a husk, dried out and dead inside. 

It all comes rushing back, what Keith’s life was like before. How he doesn’t deserve to have nice things and keep them too. How he messes up every good thing he has and that it’s on him. It builds and builds into one giant tangle until Keith feels like he’s going to burst apart at the seams.

Yet most of all he feels... abandoned. And it hurts to even think that because Shiro would never do that to him willingly. Still, this feeling is aching and raw inside him, a pulsing wound full of poison with no signs of healing.

He loves his friends. He does. But if he loves them so much, why isn’t it enough to fill this void inside him?

Rearing back he punches the face in the mirror with everything he has. A crack splinters down the glass but it doesn’t break, bloodshot eyes still staring back at him. 

So he punches it again. 

And again. 

And again. 

Blood streaks the glass as it cracks and cracks until it shatters, sending pieces raining down around him. The skin on his knuckles is torn, blood dripping in tiny rivulets down his hand as it throbs in time with his heartbeat.

Keith feels a lot like that mirror right about now, one good punch away from bursting apart.

He’s so lost in his own head that he’s not paying attention to his surroundings. He’s distracted. And that proves to be fatal.

Keith hears the shuffling milliseconds before he feels something grab him by the arm and yank him back. A rotten smell fills his nose and his heart immediately kicks up until it’s pounding in his chest.

Too much noise, he realizes too late. He’s made too much noise and he’s about to pay the consequences.

He reaches for his weapon but realizes quickly that it’s on the floor ten feet away. Then a sharp pain lances through his right shoulder and he can only shout in pain as he fights to pull away.

His gut plummets in fear but he has no time to think - he swoops up one of the bigger glass shards sitting in the sink in front of him and grips it tight. The glass digs into his palm as he takes it and stabs right through the eye socket of the zomb.

Black, tar like blood spills over him as it goes down, glass imbedded in it’s eye. His hand reaches up to cover the wound as he stumbles away from it and into the sink.

All is still as he squeezes his eyes shut tight and tells himself to breath through the pain that is coursing through his shoulder. He needs to assess the wound first, he tries to tell himself. Assess the wound and then freak out about it.

Peeling back his hand slowly, he stares at his shoulder in numb shock. The wound is deep, muscle and bone visible from the ring of teeth marks. Fresh blood pours down his ruined t-shirt to mix with the gore, the metallic scent filling his nostrils and making him flinch. It hurts, a deep throbbing pain that radiates down his arm and chest making it hard to breath. Or maybe that’s the panic that’s slowly starting to set in.

It’s too late, he thinks. It’s too late and he’s going to have to find a way to get out of here before he turns and hurts his friends in the process. He couldn’t stand it if he bit one of them, if he turned them and they had to live the rest of eternity as a flesh eating monster _oh god he’s going to have to live the rest of eternity as a flesh eating monster -_

The door bursts open, rebounding off the wall loudly as Hunk comes rushing in. 

“Keith, is everything okay? We heard yelling -” He freezes in his tracks and his eyes go wide. Lance tumbles in behind him and nearly runs him over, pulling up short just shy of smashing into him. He looks about two seconds away from going off on him before he too catches sight of Keith.

Lance gasps before he’s rushing forward to grab Keith by his uninjured shoulder and shake him. “Keith, what did you do? _What did you do?_ ”

“I’m sorry,” he gasps. “I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry.” Then his eyes roll back and he’s falling down down down.

Things get hazy after that. He’s vaguely aware of hands on him but in his mind they’re zomb hands reaching to tear him apart. He struggles, thrashing and kicking and screeching. Then he’s moving and a wave of vertigo hits him so hard he almost throws up. 

“No, no!” he shouts, snarling like a wolf. “Let go, let go of me, get off! Get _off!_ No no no no no!”

“Somebody... his legs, he’s moving…! Hold him...”

He hears vague voices but they sound like they’re coming to him underwater. Hands grab ahold of his ankles and wrists, pinning them down. He tries to wrench them free but whatever is holding them is too strong. Fire is licking up his spine and he feels like he’s melting, like he’s burning alive in a pool of lava, like he’s _dying_. He honest to god feels like he’s dying. 

His head turns and suddenly he’s frozen in shock, staring because surely it can’t be. It isn’t -

But hope is a terrible beast and it roars to life when he recognizes Shiro. He looks exactly like Keith remembers but there’s a glint in his eyes, one Keith hasn’t ever seen before and it scares him. He needs to go to him and see what’s wrong. Keith can help, he knows he can and before he can even think about it he’s opening his mouth and reaching desperately. 

“SHIRO.”

The hands freeze and it’s just enough for Keith to wrench an arm free and swing. It collides with something and he hears one of them cry out… in pain? His eyebrows scrunch. That’s not right, zombs don’t feel pain. 

His mind is too fuzzy to think about the implications of that though. He just knows he has to get up and move. Shiro’s right there and there’s nothing that’s going to keep him away. He can’t lose him again. There’s a burning in his lungs, his chest, his body and he’s struggling to pull in air. Everything is blurry and it hurts. 

But Shiro is just sitting there staring at him. Keith is hurting and Shiro isn’t doing anything to try and help. That’s… that’s not right. Shiro would never just watch as he lie there helpless.

Something grabs his arm and pulls it back down. His other limbs are pinned and he can’t break free but still he struggles and struggles and struggles. 

“Shiro, help me! Please, I need you! I need you!”

Then something he never thought would happen does - he’s lying there in pain, in fear, in misery and Shiro’s response is to get up and walk away. 

An inhuman sound rips out of his throat, a noise he never thought himself capable of making.

“Wait, Shiro!” he pleads, sobbing. “Shiro please don’t go, please don’t leave! I’m sorry, I’ll try harder. I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry -”

“Keith! _Keith!_ It’s okay! It’s going to be okay but you have to stop!”

But Keith can’t stop. Stopping would be letting go and he can’t do that to Shiro, can’t do that to himself. He has to keep fighting, has to keep moving, he can’t stop, he can’t -

It becomes apparent very quickly that he isn’t going to be able to break free. He’s going to die here, alone and in pain. He doesn’t know where his friends are, doesn’t know where he is, but he’s going to die here by himself.

A sharp prick to his arm makes him gasp and attempt to jerk back but he can’t move. He whimpers in confused pain, a cooling numbness starting to spread all over.

“Shhhh Keith, it’s okay. You can let go now,” a voice says, soft and soothing. He feels something run through his hair but it doesn’t hurt. Nothing hurts anymore.

It’s the last thing he feels for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> T/W: Keith gets frustrated in this chapter and punches a mirror until it breaks - he does cut his hand open. If you would like to skip, it starts at "Rearing back" and ends at "He's so lost in his own head".


	5. Chapter 5

_ “I just don’t see why I can’t go with you. I’m more than capable of going on a supply run. I  _ lived _ out there. For months!” _

_ Shiro sighs as he finishes shrugging on his leather jacket, an extra layer of protection despite the bitter heat blowing in. His gloves follow, a gift from Sam that he received when he passed the training to go back outside. _

_ Keith is sitting on his bed, the beginnings of a serious pout that he will deny ever exists threatening to take over his face. The ceiling fan turns slow circles over their heads, a luxury Keith didn’t think he’d ever see again but appreciates all the same. It blows cool air over the t-shirt stuck to his back by the sweat dripping down it. _

_ “You know I can’t fight them on this Keith,” Shiro responds as he bends down to check his bag for supplies. “As much as I want you out there with me, we’ve got to play by their rules if we want to stay here. And like it or not, it’s safer behind these walls than out.” _

_ He’s not wrong in saying that. As much as it pains Keith to sit back and follow the rules, he’s more than aware that if he’s not careful here there will be serious consequences and not just for him. He can’t afford to mess this one up and Shiro is the calm in the storm that reminds him of that when he starts to come adrift. _

_ Because it’s not as if Keith could forget that Shiro would rather leave the Sanctuary than be separated from him. Or as if Keith could bare to do anything to put his friends at risk - not just Shiro but Pidge and Matt, Sam and Colleen too. As if Keith would ever put them in a position that would require them to put their safety on the line because of Keith’s mistakes. _

_ If that means playing by the rules of some hotshot group of government workers who haven’t been outside the gates since the zombs first came than so be it. _

_ It shouldn’t have surprised him that Shiro was willing to put himself on the line like that even though he knew that Shiro had come to see him as a friend during their travels. It just wasn’t until they arrived and were meant to be separated that Keith realized how much Shiro meant to him. Since then their friendship has only seemed to grow and he thinks this is in no small part to the room they share.  _

_ The Holt house isn’t big, though not many of the assigned places within the Sanctuary walls are. A single story house barely large enough for the four member family let alone the two additional members squeezed in the back room together. Despite this, Shiro has never put up so much as a single objection to rooming with Keith. _

_ Sometimes Keith wonders why someone like Shiro would do so much for someone like Keith. People have never taken much of a chance on him before and those that have don’t tend to stick around. But whatever it is, whatever Shiro sees in him that nobody else has ever taken the chance to before, he wants to hold on to it. He wants to be what Shiro sees. _

_ But in the here and now Keith can only grumble in response, arms folded across his chest. “Yeah well, I still don’t like it. I’m not a kid, I can take care of myself.”  _

_ “I know you can. Believe me, you’ve more than proven that you’re capable of handling yourself. But something tells me it’s not just that, is it?”  _

_ Keith hesitates, biting his bottom lip in indecision. He doesn’t like to give too much of himself away but Shiro has an uncanny habit of seeing right through him and digging out the heart of the matter. He never tries to pressure Keith into answering but he doesn’t put up with Keith’s dodging either.  _

_ Finally he quietly relents, “I just don’t like being stuck here while you’re out there. What if something happens?”  _

_ “I won’t be alone, I’ll have Sam and Matt with me.” Shiro finally glances up and sees the look on Keith’s face because his own softens. “Hey. It’s going to be fine. You’ve been out there with me before, you know I’ll be careful.” _

_ Keith opens his mouth to point out that just being careful isn’t enough, that you can never predict what can happen out there. Shiro knows this though and he can already see the argument forming, holding his hand out to placate him. _

_ “I know I can’t promise nothing will happen. And it means a lot to me that you’re worried, it really does. But the Sanctuary needs supplies and if I’m able to get them then I need to do that.” _

_ And Keith… understands. He really does. Because if he was in the same place, if the people around him needed help and he was able to give it? He’d do it in a heartbeat. Hell, he will do it as soon as they’ll allow it. Keith isn’t stupid enough to sneak out and risk their place in the compound, risk the life they’re starting to build here where it’s relatively safe. _

_ But he also knows Shiro can’t be asked to do the same if he has the chance to change something. It’s why Keith admires him so much, his natural ability to step up and be what people need at any given moment. Shiro just spends so much time doing things for others that he forgets to take care of himself. _

_ So who is going to watch after him if Keith can’t? _

_ Keith hesitates but in the end there’s no real contest. He would give anything to make sure Shiro comes back safe.  _

_ “If you’re going to go, at least take this,” he says as he gets up and crosses the room to his own bed. Sticking his hand under his pillow, he pulls out his knife and holds it out to Shiro. It’s sheath is old and worn, stained with blood in the spots Keith couldn’t scrub it out of. It’s importance is an unspoken weight between them. _

_ “But Keith, that’s -” _

_ “I know,” he says more sharply than he means to. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath - he’s not mad at Shiro but at the stupid people in charge who think he’s too young, too dumb, too  _ helpless _ to do things on his own. “I know what it is. I want you to take it, at least while you’re out there without me. That way I know you’re coming back. You have to bring it back to me.” _

_ Something unspoken but strong passes over Shiro’s face, a blink and you’ll miss it kind of look. But Keith has learned to notice these things in Shiro and he sees it all the same.  _

_ “You’re really worried about this.” _

_ “Of course I am. And if I can’t be there to watch your back, you can at least take this with you.” _

_ Keith nudges the knife towards him and Shiro reaches forward slowly to grasp it. For a split second their eyes meet, both still clutching it between them. Then Shiro uses that to pull Keith forward and into his arms. Keith doesn’t hesitate to push his face into Shiro’s chest as his free arm comes around his back. _

_ It’s slightly gross with the sweat the heat causes but Keith would rather jump into a pit of zombs than let this moment pass. He holds on tight and closes his eyes, lets the moment wash over him. _

_ It ends quicker than he would like as Shiro takes the knife and clips it to his belt, reaching forward to rest his hand on Keith’s shoulder with one last squeeze before he turns towards the door. He reaches it in a few strides but pauses to look over his shoulder with a hand on the doorframe, a small smirk forming on his face. _

_ “I’ll be back in a couple of days. Why don’t you spend some time with Pidge and the others? You shouldn’t just stay shut in here until I get back.” _

_ Keith scoffs. “Yeah, and spend my time watching Lance get all moony eyed over Allura again? No thanks.” _

_ Shiro throws back his head and laughs, lighting up his face and making him look young. It’s a nice laugh, Keith can’t help but think helplessly. _

_ “I’ll be back before you know it, bud. Don’t worry so much.” Then he turns and disappears down the hall. _

_ Keith’s smile doesn’t reach his eyes as he watches him walk away. _

\------------

Awareness comes to him in stages, dragging him up slowly from the depths of unconsciousness. He feels the softness of sheets underneath him first, an actual bed that he’s very much unused to sleeping in. There’s an inconsistent rustling noise that filters into his ears and he slowly comes to enough to sense someone beside him. Whoever it is doesn’t move to attack him so he leaves it be for the moment.

His eyes are crusted shut and his head throbs dully, his mouth tasting like something crawled in there and died. His shoulder feels tight from dulled pain and he is scared to see what is wrong with it. Altogether he feels a little bit like death warmed over, comparison completely intended.

He has vague memories of shouting and being moved, of throwing up and gasping through the pain. He remembers seeing indistinct shapes moving around him and, more clearly, people long gone surrounding him. It sends a shudder through him and forces him to open his eyes in an attempt to not feel so... alone.

Allura sits at his bedside with a book in hand, gaze focused on the pages in front of her. Her hair sits messily atop her head but it’s a clean white, the cleanest he’s seen in awhile. Her clothes too look new. It’s so mundane that he allows himself a moment to bask in the calm feeling it brings as he takes his time glancing at his surroundings.

The room he’s in looks like a school nurse's office on steroids. The walls are a dirty white, paint peeling in places from neglect and age. A few hospital beds sit divided by thick, dust filled curtains that can be pulled back to give privacy. Keith can see a few medicine cabinets from where he lays though they’re covered in dirt and grime, so much so that he can’t even see their contents.

Keith is tucked into a bed in the corner of the room though it seems like someone has replaced the starch hospital blankets with fresh ones from an actual bed. The space he occupies is clean and free of the grime that covers the rest of the room and Keith suspects his friends cleared it out just enough to let him be comfortable and safe while he recovered from whatever happened.

Allura finally seems to sense he’s awake and glances up. Her face breaks out into a relieved smile as she sets the book aside, scooting forward in her chair.

“Ah, you’re awake! That’s wonderful, we were beginning to worry,” she says, smile in place. Keith can see the bags under her eyes and they make him feel unmistakably guilty.

“What happened?” Keith rasps, his voice sounding like he gargled nails. He tries to sit up on his elbows and immediately grunts in pain and collapses back down. His right shoulder throbs in absolute agony. His left hand comes up to feel it but he meets thick snowy bandages. Allura tsks.

“You were bit,” she says gravely helping him sit up enough to take a sip of water. “We do not know the events leading up to it. Hunk and Lance found you and brought you back to us. We did our best to keep you clean and comfortable but there is not much we could do, I am afraid.”

It all comes rushing back, the need to be alone, the anger he felt, the grief. The zomb.

How is he still here? He thought he was done for as soon as he saw the black rimmed teeth marks on his shoulder but he’s clearly still alive.

“It was an accident,” Keith says. “I - I was just trying to let off some steam when I ran into it. How..?”

“We’ve been asking ourselves that since they brought you in. Pidge has been going crazy trying to figure it out. As much as we can guess, you have some sort of immunity. It’s the only explanation we can come up with that makes sense.”

An… immunity? To zomb bites? His whole world is suddenly turned on it’s axis and he’s left floating in the void left behind. Nobody has ever been bitten by a zomb and survived. He should be grateful, he supposes, but his thoughts immediately go south. Why him and not his friends? Why is he so special that he’d be the only one to survive an attack if something happens, he questions bitterly.

Though he guesses he should be thankful he is still here, after all. He has another chance to do what he needs to for his friends. At the thought of them he’s struck suddenly with a cold dread that lands in the pit of his stomach.

“Did I hurt anyone?” he asks, fearing the answer. He doesn’t think he could forgive himself if he hurt one of the others, even if it was accidental.

“You punched Lance in the face,” she says lightly. “He ended up with a black eye. I’m sure you’ll hear plenty about it when you see him next.”

Keith winces but is thankful that that’s the worst that happened. He’ll have to apologize to him later and hope that he doesn’t drag it out too much. Lance has a tendency to hold a grudge but hopefully Keith can make it up to him. Somehow.

There’s something else though, something that causes him more alarm the longer he thinks about it. He swallows once before asking the most pressing question on his mind, “Why didn’t you kill me?”

Allura pauses and glances over him, meeting his gaze unflinchingly. 

“Your eyes,” she says simply. Keith just blinks at her.

“My… eyes?”

“Your eyes,” she confirms. She must see that Keith is still confused because she elaborates, “Normally when a zomb turns the first thing to go is their eyes. Yours didn’t change at all. We thought - hoped - that meant that there was still a chance you’d survive.”

“You risked the possibility of me turning and attacking you on the off chance that I would be the first ever not to turn... because of my eyes? Do you know how crazy that sounds,” he exclaims.

It’s not that he doesn’t appreciate the gesture - he does. He knows it wouldn’t be an easy decision for them let alone actually having to end his life. But the fact that the others were put in danger because of his mistake is not something he can accept. If he had hurt one of them or, god forbid, turned one of them he’d - he’d -

That’s just it isn’t it? He’d be dead. He would have no control over what he did and he wouldn’t regret it either. His friends would be hurt and it would’ve been all his fault but he wouldn’t have even felt an ounce of shame. All because he wasn’t careful in paying attention to his surroundings.

“Stop that,” she admonishes. “I can practically see you spiraling. We did what we felt was right at the time. We care about you Keith. If there was even a small chance that you would make it out to the other side, we would take it.”

That pulls him up short. They... really care that much? Keith knows he hasn’t treated them the best recently - he hates that he’s put them through so much the past couple of weeks. But even after all of that they’re willing to put everything on the line for him? Enough to put themselves at risk on the off chance that Keith would live?

The guilt that washes over him is bone deep, growing up through his throat like vines, ready to choke him. He’s all of a sudden more ashamed than he thinks he’s ever been before.

“I haven’t been fair to you guys,” he says, picking at the blanket underneath him. He can’t meet her eyes.

“It’s okay. It  _ is, _ ” she insists at the look he gives her. “We know you are hurting Keith. We’ve all lost people we loved. I would give almost anything for my father to be here for the birth of my child. My mother, my uncle - all of them. I know it’s not exactly the same as losing a lover but it is pain all the same.”

“That doesn’t give me the excuse to lash out the way I have,” Keith replies, repentant. “I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t,” she agrees. “But you recognize that you should have handled it differently and are going to take steps to fix it. Let us help you, Keith. That’s what family is for.”

Once upon a time all Keith wanted was a family to call his own. Now it’s being presented to him on a silver platter, a family that won’t leave him when things get hard and who would protect him no matter the cost. He’s known for a long time that he would do whatever it took to keep his friends safe but the confirmation that they were willing to do the same?

It fills Keith with a warmth he hasn’t experienced before, like a gentle blanket being rested over his shoulders on a cold night. He doesn’t know if he deserves it but he’ll keep trying regardless.

“Oh!” Allura says suddenly, hand flying down to her abdomen, face surprised. Keith struggles to sit up making a noise of alarm and reaching out a hand to do what he doesn’t know. Allura waves him away.

“No, no it’s okay. I just haven’t felt them kick that hard before,” she says fondly, eyes full of love. A contemplative look crosses her face. “Keith, may I see your hand for a moment?”

Keith nods and holds out his hand, confused. She gently takes it before guiding it forward to rest flat on her stomach, covering his hand with her own and pressing gently. He feels a soft thud and looks up at her with wide eyes full of wonder. She’s smiling softly.

“Lance has yet to feel them. Everytime they kick he tries but they always stop. I can tell he’s getting frustrated, even if he tries to play it off.”

Keith has a sudden thought of what this could have been like in another lifetime, another reality. He could be sitting here with Shiro, looking at each other in awe as they felt their future godchild moving. They’d lean into each other, smiling and squeezing the hands they have laced together. Later they’d share their desires for a family they would act upon if they lived in a safer world.

This is something that should be shared, the wonderment of new life. 

His eyes fill, tears that he has been holding back since that fateful day finally falling and Keith does nothing to stop them. His vision blurs and he sniffles, using his free hand to swipe at them.

“Keith,” Allura says tenderly. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” he replies roughly, rubbing his eyes again. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m crying, just ignore me.”

“Do not be sorry for feeling Keith,” Allura chides lightly, squeezing his hand. “What we feel, how we react, these are the things that separate us from them. Never be ashamed of how you feel.”

“I wish I knew what happened to him,” he says thickly. He doesn’t elaborate on who he’s talking about and Allura doesn’t need him to. There’s only one person he could be referring to and he thinks if he says his name out loud he’ll shatter into tiny pieces to be scattered into the wind. “Is he still out there? Is he okay? If… if he’s gone, did it hurt? I - I couldn’t live with myself if it hurt him Allura. I -”

He stops talking, his mouth opening and closing ineffectually. He thinks if he says any more nothing will come out except choked sobs.

“I know it’s not easy,” she begins. Keith snorts wetly and Allura gives him a look. “Believe me, I know. It’ll never be the same without him. And that  _ hurts. _ It hurts so much that you don’t know how to process it. But you know something?”

Keith shakes his head.

“We can all be forever thankful that we had a chance to know him and love him. And we know he loved us. He loved you,” she says, voice soft like a breeze. “More than anything.”

“I just don’t know how to do it Allura. How do I live with this?” He’s pleading with her, begging for her for answers he doesn’t know if she’ll be able to give.

“You find a way to keep moving,” she whispers. Keith can’t fight the sob that raises at that. “Even when we lose those who are completely irreplaceable.”

That’s the final straw that breaks the camel’s back, bowing under the weight of his grief. He breaks down, great heaving sobs that shudder out of him. Allura makes a soft sound before shifting to the bed and wrapping her arms around him. He allows it, welcomes it even, and buries his head in her shoulder.

It feels good to cry, like lancing a wound and watching the pus drain away. It leaves the wound gaping, raw, but gives it a chance to heal properly the way it needs to. He feels an awful lot like one giant, pulsing sore letting out all of the bad trapped inside.

“It’s okay Keith,” Allura says, brushing a hand through his hair. “We are here for you. It is okay to grieve.”

“I saw him,” he gasps suddenly. Allura’s hand pauses in his hair before resuming it’s gentle ministrations. “I saw him. He was w-watching me. Just watching, not h-helping. Shiro wouldn’t do that. Then he w-w-walked away and I can’t help but think th-that that will be the last time I - I -”

He dissolves into sobs again, unable to finish. Allura, bless her, seems to understand anyway. Her arms tighten around him. “Shhh Keith. That was the fever talking. Shiro would never turn away from you if he could help it. Look, look at me for a moment.”

Keith snuffles before he tilts his head up to look at her. He can see the pain shining in her eyes.

“I’ve known the two of you for many years now,” she says slowly, as though if she talks slower he will understand more. “I’ve seen you grow and fall in love. If there’s one thing I know for absolute certain, with no doubt in my mind, it’s that Shiro would never give up on you. He would fight for you with everything he has. Remember that, when you think of him. Not what your mind tricks you into seeing.”

It strikes home how right she is, and he finds himself nodding as he hangs onto her every word. If there is one thing Keith knows it’s that Shiro loved him. He can’t believe he ever thought… but grief has a funny way of doing that to a person, distorting what they remember. Keith relaxes, a weight he didn’t know he was carrying sloughing off to leave him sitting taller, breathing a little easier.

Slowly he calms, hiccuping his way through stuttering breaths. Allura is a tranquil presence beside him murmuring words of comfort as he gradually comes back to himself. She doesn’t rush him and he’s thankful - she also doesn’t seem to mind the wet patches he’s left on her shoulder. He winces when he sees it.

“Don’t mind that,” Allura says with a soft smile. “I’ll have to be used to worse soon anyway.”

It startles a snort out of him and Allura giggles in response. Keith has missed his friend’s laughter.

He feels wrung out but something in his chest has loosened. It doesn’t feel like he’s going to choke anymore. He’s not all the way there, not by a long shot. But he wants to work on it. For his friends, his family. For Shiro.

For himself.

Because they’ve lost Shiro. They’ve lost Matt and Sam and Colleen. They’ve lost friends and family, people they’ve loved with everything they have. But life begins anew, raising up from the ashes and blossoming into the sweetest flower.

And for the first time since losing Shiro, Keith thinks he wants to be there to see it grow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter but I thought this was a really good place to end it. This scene with Allura was one of my favorite to write <3


	6. Chapter 6

Recovery is a process he doesn’t have time for, he decides very quickly. There are still things that need to be done to make living at the Garrison safe and Keith doesn’t like that he’s not allowed to help. It’s not as if he will just dive headfirst into a zomb nest and hope for the best but the others don’t seem to believe him.

He thinks he deserves it after what he’s put them through.

And yet... a change has happened in him since his talk with Allura, a shift he can feel in his chest. He still aches hurts yearns for Shiro, something he thinks will never truly go away, but he knows what needs to be done now. He’s never going to give up hope that Shiro will make it to the Garrison but Shiro wouldn’t want him to put their friends in danger while waiting.

He takes the time to talk to each of them - he thinks they deserve that much at least. 

They say they understand. Pidge punches in the shoulder and calls him an idiot though he thinks she hits him a little harder than she normally would. Lance loudly proclaims that he’s a dumbass but he’s their dumbass and as such they have a responsibility to look out for him. He still complains about the black eye Keith gave him and somehow Keith thinks he won’t hear the end of that for a long time to come. Hunk tears up and sweeps him into the biggest bear hug he thinks he’s ever experienced. Allura watches the whole thing with a smile on her face.

He doesn’t deserve them, this mismatched family cobbled together by chance and circumstance. He doesn’t think he’ll ever deserve them. But he will do everything in his power to protect them.

There’s one last thing he needs to do to start moving on, something he’s been putting off for weeks now. It hasn’t felt right, hasn’t felt like the proper time, but he’s decided that it needs to be done or he will forever be stuck in a constant loop of pain and anger. 

It’s finally time.

He secludes himself in the room he’s claimed as his own because he knows he needs privacy for this. Shiro’s jacket rests on the bed and he pulls it on as he settles down and drags the backpack towards him. 

The thing he’s looking for is dirty and folded in half, slightly more crumpled now from where it’s still buried at the bottom of Shiro’s bag. Keith pulls out the envelope and settles against the head of the bed, tracing his hand over the curved handwriting on the front. 

It tears open easily, but he ignores the lump in it long enough to pull out the letter and unfold it. Like the envelope it’s dirty and folded over many times, ink stains dotting the page. The handwriting is messy and rushed; Keith suspects Shiro didn’t have much time to write it without him finding out. 

He knows it’s going to be even harder than he thought when he tears up at the sight of the familiar scrawl.

_Keith,_

_My darling, my life, my love. If you’re reading this you’ve either accidentally found it in my bag or something has happened for me to no longer be traveling with you. If it’s the former, you’ve probably already noticed what’s in the envelope and all I have to say is that I swear I have a plan and you should probably stop reading now. If it’s the latter… I don’t think saying sorry will even begin to cover it._

_If you’ve gotten this far, I’m going to assume that it’s because I’m not there to tell you to stop. And if that’s the case then there is something you need to know._

_It’s not your fault._

_No matter what happened, no matter why I’m not traveling with you anymore, I know you enough to know you’ve found some way to blame yourself. But I also know that whatever happened to me was not your fault. I would never blame you and I would never want you to blame yourself. I love you too much for that._

_Let our friends help you. They need you just as much as you need them. I know how you close yourself off but Keith, please. Don’t let it happen here. They need you to lead them, to keep them safe. Pidge has lost so much and Hunk needs someone to encourage him. Lance and Allura need you especially. Remember what we promised them._

_In another world, another lifetime, maybe we would be able to be together without fear or anger or nightmares or living every day like our last. But then I think that it is because of this that I met you in the first place. And I would take the fear and the anger and the nightmares and the living every day like our last over never having met you at all. You are my light in the dark, the love of my life, my soulmate and I would take a million more days living in this zomb infested world than a single day without having known you._

_I love you. I love you_ _so_ _much._

_Just keep moving, baby -_

_Shiro_

_P.S. Those belonged to my grandparents. They told me to give it to ‘the one that holds your heart’ before they passed. They would have loved you, Keith._

The tears start to fall as he reads the loopy signature. But it’s not the thing that causes him to break down.

No, the thing that finally breaks him, that pokes open the last big wound in his chest and allows the poison to bleed out, are the two rings nestled together in the envelope.

\--------------

_Waiting for the supply run to come back is the most anxiety inducing thing Keith has ever had to endure. It leaves him distracted and irritable, tired all the time yet unable to sleep. His room seems cavernous without the extra body, without the breath of another to lull him to sleep, and it makes him feel altogether more lonely and isolated than he’s felt in a long time._

_Keith thinks he might feel better if Matt and Sam hadn’t gone as well. Without them the house feels stifling, Pidge and Colleen also worried about the people they love returning safely._

_That thought causes him pause the first time he thinks it._ People they love _. It’s an altogether foreign concept to Keith. Sure, he loves his pops and the idea of his mother, can even say he was coming to love his last foster family. But other than that he hasn’t had a lot of love nor affection for the people in his life._

_Then Shiro came and turned that upside down, proving through time and effort that he wants to stay by Keith’s side. He finds himself thinking that had Shiro been in his life before all of this he would have been better off. The level of trust he has in him knows no bounds._

_Sometimes it scares Keith how much of it he has in Shiro._

_Because if Shiro asked him to do something he’d do it, even if it seems dangerous, no questions asked. The trick doesn’t come from what Shiro would ask him to do - it’s in what he_ wouldn’t _ask of Keith. He would never be requested to do something that would put him in harm's way. Not from Shiro. Shiro wouldn’t hurt him like that._

 _It’s not that Keith doesn’t know that his other friends are unique in that regard too. Keith does appreciate Matt and Pidge, can even admit to himself that he loves them like one would a sibling. He finds himself coming to love Sam and Colleen, connecting with them on a level he never could with his foster parents in the past. But with Shiro it feels somehow… more. Like he’d come apart at the seams without him. Like he needs him as much as he needs air to breath. Like he can’t, doesn’t want to,_ won’t _do this without him._

_The days pass and they don’t see any sign of the party that went on the supply run. It’s not unusual for a group to be delayed a few days if they get caught up in something but those few days grace period come and go without so much as a hint that they’re coming back anytime soon._

_The others try to distract him and Pidge, inviting them over for dinner and volunteering to take shifts with them but it’s always in the back of his mind, buzzing like a wasp with a sting just as bad. He knows Pidge feels the same every time they lock eyes and he sees the anxiety and worry shining there._

_Keith takes to signing up for any and every guard duty shift he can, spending long hours on the wall. He’s not allowed to be there by himself due to his age so he’s always supervised, people he doesn’t know and doesn’t care to know always breathing over his shoulder. It’s annoying but he sticks it out, determined to be there when the group comes back._

_And the group_ will _come back, of this Keith has no doubt._

_Admiral Sanda, the person in charge of gate access and who is allowed out of the Sanctuary gates, doesn’t like him very much. She organizes the guard schedule and she’s such a stickler for the rules he’d scream if he wasn’t so determined to be on the wall._

_In short, Keith doesn’t like her much either so he thinks it balances out._

_Time passes and the longer it’s been the more snappy Keith gets. He knows he’s not pleasant to be around but his heart aches, a vice in his chest twenty-four seven. Nothing makes it better and he starts spending his nights on the roof, staring up at the stars and wondering if Shiro is doing the same._

_A day comes where Pidge and him are on supply distribution duty together. Keith has been banned from guard duty for the rest of the week due to an… incident the day before. It’s not his fault that the regular guards are so shitty to him._

_They’re just handing off another box of food to a mother of two when someone comes barreling to the front of the line. People shout in anger as he nearly runs into them but he ignores them as he comes skidding to a halt._

_It’s Pidge’s friend Hunk, panting like he’s run a full marathon as he bends over and places his hands on his knees._

_“Hunk,” Pidge says, eyes going wide in surprise. “What’s wrong?”_

_“Allura… sent me… to find you,” he says in between heaving breaths. Sweat is dripping down his brow. “The gate! Go to… the gate!”_

_He doesn’t need to say anything more, the two of them already scrambling past him and in the direction of the outer wall. Keith’s legs are longer and Pidge falls behind but something is telling him that he needs to be there_ now _._

_They reach the wall and clamber up the ladder to reach the top, wondering what all the commotion is about. Sanda and Allura are there and Keith immediately tenses. Allura looks to be ready to fight Sanda, her face burning red in anger. Both look up as they arrive._

_“What’s going on?” he asks._

_Allura opens her mouth but Sanda beats her to it. “You’re not supposed to be here Kogane. You’re banned from wall duty.”_

_Allura whirls on her. “Don’t you think he deserves to be here? Don’t tell me you don’t know why he volunteers to work the walls so much,” she hisses, voice threateningly low._

_All of a sudden Keith feels like he can’t breath. He shoves past the people blocking his way and leans up against the wooden beams of the wall in front of him. Pidge follows, standing on her tiptoes to see over the ledge._

_There, in the distance, they see two figures. One is taller, broader, and limping heavily while practically dragging a second, smaller person along with them._

_Keith’s breath freezes in his lungs, icy shards stabbing through his chest. His nails digging into the wood in front of him._

_“Oh my god,” Pidge whispers._

_The upright figure stumbles and nearly falls. Pidge’s hand shoots out to grasp Keith’s arm, her other hand covering her mouth in shock._

_They all watch as Shiro regains his footing and hefts Matt up before trudging on doggidly. Keith can’t see much from here but it’s enough to tell him that they need to get out there and fast. Shiro looks to be on his last leg and he has a gut clenching feeling that they won’t make it on their own._

_“We have to help them,” Pidge whispers, voice horrified. Her eyes are wide behind her glasses, gaze zeroed in on her brother. Nobody moves. “We have to help them,” Pidge repeats loudly. She whirls around and starts for the ladder but Sanda takes a step forward to put herself in Pidge’s way._

_“I’m sorry but you are not authorized to go outside these gates. We have to wait here until they make it back.”_

_“What? That’s ridiculous! Send somebody else out then, I don’t care as long as they get help!” Pidge shouts. She looks ready to gouge someone’s eye out._

_“We can’t send_ anyone _out there,” Sanda says, arms crossed firmly in front of her. “We cannot risk the safety of the members of the Sanctuary. Either they come back by themselves or they don’t come back at all."_

 _“That’s absurd,” Allura exclaims, interjecting herself back into the conversation. “Those are members of the supply run, we can’t just leave them out there! They’re only out there in the first place because_ you _asked them to be!”_

_“Be that as it may,” Sanda replies, closing her eyes briefly before opening them to glare at the three of them, “we can’t allow it. They knew what they were signing up for. I’m sorry but that is my final answer.”_

_Keith meets Pidge’s eyes and an understanding seems to pass between them. They would both do whatever it takes to get Matt and Shiro back safely. Pidge puffs up her entire four foot nine self and puts her hands on her hips._

_“You can’t keep me here. That’s my brother out there, you have to let me go.”_

_“I do not_ have _to do anything!” Sanda exclaims, affronted. Like she’s insulted Pidge is still pushing it._

_“They’re not gonna make it! They need help and nobody is going to keep me from doing just that. I can make your life a living hell if you don’t let me out there,” Pidge threatens. Sanda swells in anger, attention entirely focused on Pidge. Keith takes a step back. Then another._

_“You cannot go out there Holt and that is final! Stand down before I have you detained. I just might for threatening a superior officer.”_

_Pidge makes a move forward again and the guards attention turns to her immediately. It’s just enough of a distraction for Keith to take the last two steps backwards and vault over the top of the fence to drop the distance to the ground below. Shrieks and surprised gasps follow him._

_“Kogane,” he hears Sanda shout from somewhere above him. “Get back here! You’re not authorized to leave!_ Kogane! _”_

_Keith is already long gone, sprinting towards the two stumbling forms as fast as he can. His heart is racing so fast he thinks it’s going to beat out of his chest. He’s just broken a whole slew of rules - he just hopes he has time to explain it to Shiro before the Sanctuary kicks him out for insubordination._

_When he’s finally close enough to see them, he nearly stumbles in shock before putting on a burst of speed. They look awful - Shiro’s hair is matted to his forehead, a great gash across his nose that looks like it’s a step away from spilling blood down his face. Matt is covered in mud and what looks like zomb guts. He doesn’t even look conscious from what he can see._

_“Shiro!” Keith cries as he comes within shouting distance. Shiro glances up and Keith watches in real time as his face goes through a variety of emotions before surprise settles in on every inch of his face._

_“Keith,” Shiro pants once he comes closer. “Keith, what are you doing out here? You’re going to get yourself hurt.”_

_“I couldn’t let you do this on your own,” Keith tells him, trying to catch his own breath back._

_He opens his mouth to continue when Matt glances up, his head swaying as he looks at him. “Oh,” he says, sounding dazed and slurring his words more than slightly. “Keith’s here.”_

_Then his eyes roll back and his knees give out._

_Keith lurches forward to catch him as his weight drags Shiro down. Shiro makes a noise of pain before Keith ducks under Matt’s free shoulder and heaves, taking as much weight off of Shiro as he can._

_“We’ve got to hurry,” Shiro groans, eyes watching his feet.. They take one stumbling step forward but Keith’s focus is entirely on Shiro. “We’ve been outrunning zombs for hours now and I’m sure they’ll catch up soon. We - who’s that?”_

_Keith whips around to see what Shiro is talking about and squints as he sees a boy running towards them from the direction of the Sanctuary. As he gets closer Keith recognizes him with a sinking heart._

_“What are you_ doing _here Lance?” Keith shouts. The stupid idiot didn’t need to go down with him for this._

_“Couldn’t let you take all the credit for such a daring rescue,” Lance snarks at him as he finally catches up. “Can you imagine the attention this’ll bring? I can see the headlines now. ‘Lance, the amazing hero that’s willing to go out into the world of zombs’,” he says, waving a hand in the air._

_Keith glares at him but Lance dismisses him completely to move towards Shiro. “Here Shiro, let me. You focus on not passing out.”_

_Shiro seems to be having some internal debate as he squeezes Matt to him. They can both see he’s exhausted though. The faster they make it back the sooner they can get help._

_“Shiro,” Keith says softly. “It’s okay. We’ve got him. Focus on getting yourself back.”_

_Shiro nods his head before allowing Lance to replace him, Matt’s weight nearly dragging him down to the ground before Lance can take over. Keith didn’t realize how much weight Shiro was carrying until he wasn’t._

_“Jeez Lance, are you even holding him up at all?” Keith growls, starting to move forward._

_“Yeah, yeah give me a second,” he snaps back, hefting Matt further up._

_Walking back seems to take ages. Matt is a deadweight between the two of them and he seems to get heavier the further they travel. A snarling, moaning noise behind them makes Shiro whirl around, his face paling even more than it already is. He stumbles and for just a second Keith fears he will fall over._

_“Don’t look now,” he says. “But those zombs I was talking about? Yeah, they’re catching up.”_

_“There were_ zombs _behind you?” Lance exclaims, horrified. “Nobody told me there were actual zombs following you!”_

_“What’s wrong Lance? I thought you were in it for the glory of outrunning them.”_

_“Keith,” Lance says, voice starting to sound slightly hysterical. “If you think that’s the real reason I came out here then you’re stupider than you look.”_

_“Guys,” Shiro interjects. He’s starting to flag even more, panting harshly. “Maybe now isn’t the time.”_

_They pick up the speed, staggering as fast as they can until they’re a few yards away. A groaning noise announces the opening of the small side door in the front gate, normally bolted shut and under lock and key. There are very few that have access to it due to the dangers of letting just anyone in or out and it’s separate from the main gate that allows cars through._

_Two more have joined Pidge in her attempt to hold off the guards, now standing by the cracked front gate. Allura has posted herself directly behind Pidge like some sort of bodyguard, arms crossed and expression stormy. Hunk seems to have finally caught up and though he’s the most gentlest person Keith has ever met he is using his height to his advantage as he stands next to Allura._

_Keith can here shouting but he ignores it as sweat drips down his temple. His only focus is getting the other three back safely. Nothing matters except the safety of his friends, of the people he cares about._

_When they get close Hunk looks over and his eyes widen when he sees what’s behind them._

_“Ummmm guys?” he calls, his voice nervous and edging towards panic. “You might want to hurry it up.”_

_Neither Lance nor Keith have been able to look behind them for fear of tripping but the temptation becomes too much for Lance. His quick intake of breath and increase in pace is all Keith needs to know he doesn’t want to know. It won’t matter in the end if there are five or five hundred zombs if they’re locked out with them._

_Shiro has kept pace with them the entire time, refusing to leave them behind even if he could. Keith makes sure to keep an eye on him the entire time but he seems determined, face and mouth set in a firm line. As long as he’s still moving, Keith is okay._

_They finally reach the door and have to turn to the side to slide through, Lance’s end first then Keith’s. Keith reaches forward to snag Shiro’s arm to firmly pull him the rest of the way in as the commotion on the other side swallows them whole._

_The door closes with a thud behind them and all four sink to the ground, two breathing heavily, one beyond exhausted and the last unconscious. Above them the guards start shooting the zombs with silencers in place. Pidge is there to meet them, sliding to her knees and pulling Matt’s head into her lap. Her bottom lip quivers as she brushes his hair back and tears threaten to fall as she looks up at Shiro._

_“Shiro, what happened? Where’s my dad?”_

_Shiro is still panting but he shudders before collapsing in on himself. He shakes his head but he can’t speak, mouth moving but no noise coming out. Keith’s heart drops into his stomach._

_He puts an arm around Shiro’s shoulders and tugs until the other boy is leaning his full weight into Keith’s side. Shiro sinks into him and turns his face away._

_“I’m sorry Pidge,” he whispers into the silence. “I’m so fucking sorry.”_

_The tears in Pidge’s eyes fall. She bites her lip and sniffles before squeezing her eyes shut tight and gripping Matt’s hand in her own. Keith feels like he’s been punched in the gut, all the wind knocked out of him and leaving him gasping in its wake._

_He knew it was a possibility but it always seemed distant. He hasn’t heard of any groups running into trouble before now and though he was nervous for them to go he chalked it up to his inability to go with them and ensure their safety himself. He never expected… Not Sam._

_Medics finally swoop in to check on Matt, gently nudging Pidge aside. She doesn’t allow herself to be moved far and Keith doesn’t blame her - if their roles were reversed and Shiro was the one that was hurt Keith would move heaven and earth to stay by his side._

_Keith can see Allura and Hunk hanging around the periphery of the commotion. Hunk is wringing his hands anxiously, eyes glued on the proceedings before him, but Allura catches his eye when he glances back. There’s a sort of fierce protectiveness there and as they lock eyes Keith can’t help but nod his thanks. Without them, they wouldn’t have been able to get Matt and Shiro back._

_Allura seems surprised for a moment before a genuine smile crosses her face. Keith glances to his left and sees Lance watching them, his face more open than he’s ever seen it. Keith clambers to his feet and helps Shiro up before turning his attention to Lance._

_“You’re crazy, you know,” Keith says, approaching him and holding out a hand. Lance stares at him for a moment before he slowly accepts. Keith hoists him up and takes a step back. “You shouldn’t have done it. I had it handled it.”_

_Lance’s brows furrow and he opens his mouth to no doubt boast about his capabilities but Keith interrupts that before it starts, “But thank you.”_

_His mouth snaps shut, his eyebrows going up in shock. He seems to take Keith seriously for once instead of just blurting out the first thing that comes to mind._

_“Yeah well. What are friends for? It’s not like I could leave you to struggle by yourself,” Lance says, arms coming up to cross in front of him. He shifts uncomfortably._

_It’s Keith’s turn to be shocked. He knew Lance and the others were friends with Pidge but Keith never would have thought they counted him as one too. He doesn’t know what to think - for his entire life he never had anyone to call a friend. Now, after the world has gone to shit, he finds himself with more than he knows what to do with._

_Keith is oddly touched. He finds himself not knowing how to respond so he just jerks his head in a nod and receives one in return._

_Lance is moving away, off to talk to Allura no doubt, when Keith feels something at his wrist. He turns his head to see Shiro standing beside him and giving him the softest look Keith has ever seen on his face. He doesn’t say anything but grasps Keith’s wrist in one of his own before using the other to press something into Keith’s palm._

_“I told you I’d bring it back,” is all he says and Keith glances down before his head shoots up to look at Shiro when he sees what’s resting there._

_It’s old and worn, stained with blood in the spots Keith couldn’t scrub it out of. Even dirtier than when he last saw it, covered in grime and new blood._

_Keith’s breath stutters in his lungs, his grip reflexively closing around the sheath of his knife. A balloon is growing in his chest and he feels untethered, like he’ll float away at the smallest gust of wind. It grows and expands until it bursts, filling him with such fierce affection he very nearly tears up._

_This boy. This impossible, unbelievable boy._

_The knife stays clutched in his hand as he pulls Shiro into a fierce hug. His arms go around his neck, dragging him down as Keith goes up on his toes. Shiro seems startled for a moment before he comes back to himself and brings his arms up to encircle Keith. It’s gentle at first before Shiro squeezes him hard and buries his head in Keith’s shoulder._

_A wet patch burns it’s way through Keith’s shirt but he can’t find it in himself to care. He doesn’t think he’ll ever care about something so trivial again, not when the people he loves are always just a hair’s breadth away from death._

_The people around him shout and shuffle, jostling them as they hold each other. Keith pays them no mind. Instead he just stands there and clings and clings and clings._

\--------------

  
Grief is a funny thing.

No matter what some may believe, it’s not a linear process. You don’t always travel in one direction but oscillate as you try to recover from the loss. Some days are good - you get out of bed and you do what you have to do and you feel like you’re starting to gain control back. You laugh and you joke and you accept that maybe you’ve started to recover, to move on.

Then the bad days sweep in on a stormcloud and they are ruthless. They make you feel like you can’t get up, like you have a ten pound weight on your shoulders at any given moment. You can’t eat, you can’t sleep, and all you can think about is what you’ve lost.

In his darkest moments he thinks that if Lance and Allura hadn’t decided to have a baby during the apocalypse, they wouldn’t be in this mess. The only reason they stopped at all was to look for vitamins for Allura and the baby, if they hadn’t needed to do that Shiro would be - Shiro would -

But no. It’s not their fault, Keith reminds himself. The only reason Allura was pregnant is because she and Lance thought they were safe enough to do so. They couldn’t have known that the community that they’d lived in for years would go up in flames like it did. They couldn’t have known that they’d be on the run, dodging zombs and less than friendly survivors and wild animals while also trying to safely carry a baby to term. And they couldn’t have known what would happen to Shiro. 

They love Shiro. And Shiro loves them. They miss him too. It’s not the same gut wrenching pain of a lost lover but it’s pain all the same. 

Keith experiences it all, the highs and the lows and everything in between. He still gets angry sometimes, still gets frustrated beyond measure. He tries not to take it out on the others but it’s not an easy task. 

When he feels like everything is too much he climbs up to the roof and just enjoys the view. A part of him likes to believe that Shiro did the same when he was a student there and that he might be out there somewhere right then looking up and wondering how Keith is. It makes him feel a little less alone.

The others do their best but there’s only so much Keith can take in terms of social interaction at any given moment. He’s always had a harder time being around people and though he knows they mean well there’s only one thing that will truly help him feel better. 

As time passes it slowly gets easier. He never gives up hope that Shiro will find his way to him. He has trust in his lover, after all, and he’s never led Keith astray before. He wears their rings on a chain around his neck and he doesn’t let go for anything. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t grieve for him, for the life they could be sharing right now. It doesn’t mean the worry for him doesn’t sit like a snake in his gut.

It doesn’t mean he gives up.

Allura was right. Shiro would never give up on him. The least he can do is show him that same dedication.

\------------

_Keith is startled awake one night by his door flying open and is reaching for his knife before he’s even processed what’s going on. He grabs it from underneath his pillow and points it towards the door, blinking rapidly to try and wake himself up. Rubs his eyes with the palm of his free hand and blinks again when that doesn’t work._

_There, standing in the moonlight shining through the single window, is Shiro._

_He looks awful, eyes red rimmed and underlined in dark smudges, hair lank and dull. Panicked breathing echoes in the small space as though he just ran a mile to get here and the sweat beading down the collarbone visible through his nightshirt adds to that illusion._

_“Shiro,” Keith says, surprised and more than a little caught off guard. It’s the middle of the night. “What’s wrong? Is everything okay?”_

_Shiro stumbles forward and before Keith can think, before he can ask again what happened, he’s slumping onto the bed and wrapping his arms around Keith in a fierce embrace. He buries his nose in the crook of Keith’s shoulder and clings, as though Keith will disappear if he doesn’t hold on with everything he has._

_Keith’s hands come up slowly so as not to startle and gently envelop him, one hand coming up to cradle the back of his head. He’s shaking, Keith notices, but it’s a distant thought to the immediate, intrinsic need to comfort._

_Shiro’s arms tighten around him and Keith is honestly struggling to breath but there’s nothing in the entire universe that would convince him to move away. He would stay here for the rest of eternity with no explanation if Shiro asked it of him - until his bones rotted and turned to stardust, returning back to the heavens it belongs to._

_It doesn’t take much for him to realize that they’re not in any immediate danger - no zombs or people breaking into their tiny apartment, no animals to tear them limb from limb. There’s no need for Keith to fight anything, nothing he can stab even if he wanted to._

_It strikes him all at once that Shiro’s had a nightmare._

_Seeing him like this he is suddenly, viscerally reminded of the first time it happened to him after he met Shiro. He remembers how Shiro held him, how he stroked his hair and whispered soothing words. Even further back than that, down into the deep parts of his mind that he doesn’t often allow himself to go to, he remembers humming and a gentle swaying as he’s cradled to a broad chest._

_Gathering his courage and burying down any lingering insecurity, he starts to pet Shiro’s hair and, reaching into a long forgotten memory, hum softly. His voice is rusty - this isn’t something he does often and his vocal cords are taking their sweet time in waking up - and he doesn’t really have a tune in mind, but he doesn’t think Shiro seems to care either way. In fact, his whole body seems to tense up before he lets out a great shuddering sigh and all but melts into Keith._

_Slowly his shaking subsides and his arms loosen their bone breaking hold, though he doesn’t move away and Keith doesn’t force him to. His breathing evens out and still Keith holds him._

_“Do you want to talk about it?” Keith asks softly after some time._

_It takes him so long to respond that at first he thinks Shiro has fallen asleep. Keith sighs and is about to shift them into a more comfortable sleep position when he finally responds in a hoarse whisper, “Tomorrow is your first day out of the compound.” Keith can tell he is trying to say it casually, like a passing comment about the weather._

_Trying and failing._

_Because now that he’s said it, it makes so much sense that Keith could hit himself for not guessing it sooner. They’ve been discussing this for weeks, training and preparing Keith to go out on scouting missions so that he can start giving back to the Sanctuary. It’s all he’s talked about since he was finally given the clearance, something he’s waited for since Shiro started going back outside the gates without him._

_Keith knows that Shiro is worried about him going out there. Though his friend tries to hide it, Keith knows that if he were to choose to stay in the Sanctuary, if he were to even hint at deciding to not go out on supply runs and look for another job within the compound instead, he would readily agree. Not just agree but encourage him._

_And he knows Shiro cares about him. Knows he considers him his best friend, has saved his ass in so many ways. Hell, the first thing Shiro ever did for him was save him. Keith would be dead without Shiro._

_He just didn’t think it’d eat at him like this._

_“I’m scared,” Shiro whispers, confesses to the dead of night as though it will keep his secrets and lock them up tight, never to be seen by the light of day. As if he can tie what he perceives as a weakness to the tail end of Halley’s comet and let it streak away, to disappear and not be seen again in his lifetime._

_But the thing about comets is they come back. You can’t hide from it, only use it to make you stronger. If only he knew that when Keith hears him say that he doesn’t see Shiro as weak. No, he sees Shiro as the strongest person he knows._

_“I’m scared,” he repeats. “But not for the reason you probably think. I had a nightmare and in it something… terrible happened. And I couldn’t help you.”_

_Keith hums in silent question but doesn’t stop his gentle ministrations, smoothing down damp strands of hair and meticulously combing out tangles. Shiro shifts in his arms but only to settle himself more firmly against him, cheek pressed into his shoulder._

_“I know you can handle yourself,” Shiro murmurs. “I know because I’ve been out there with you before. I’m not worried about that. But I can’t help but remember what happened with Sam and how I couldn’t stop it and I - I just… I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you, too.”_

_Keith’s breath hitches in surprise. It’s the closest either have come to acknowledging this something brewing between them and it lights a fire deep in him, a warmth that pulses with his heartbeat._

_“I know it’s hypocritical,” he continues, swiping a hand across his eyes. “I keep thinking that this must have been how it felt for you every time it was me going out there.”_

_“That doesn’t take away from what you’re feeling Shiro. These feelings aren’t just unique to any one person. If anything, it helps me understand better.”_

_“How did you do it?” Shiro asks, begs, as he looks up with imploring eyes. It’s as though he thinks Keith holds the key to all the secrets of the universe, something Keith desperately wishes he could give him. “It’s not great out there Keith. If anything it’s gotten worse since we’ve come here. How did you handle the thought of us out there?”_

_“When you went out the first time you told me something,” Keith begins slowly, recalling words from what seems like a lifetime ago. “You told me you couldn_ _’t promise nothing would happen, but that you would be careful. I had to trust that you would follow through.”_

_“That’s it?” He doesn’t even try to hide the surprise in his voice. “Do you really trust me that much?”_

_“You rescued me when I was completely hopeless and you didn’t give up on me when I was still trying to figure things out. How could I not?”_

_Shiro grumbles something unintelligible and Keith thumps him gently on the back of the head. The other man lets out a squawk of indignation and rubs the spot lightly._

_“Shiro. Give yourself some credit. You saved me. When we got here you could have handed me off to someone else but you didn’t, did you?”_

_“Of course not!” Shiro says, scandalized. As if Keith is crazy for even suggesting that he had the option to leave him. “I could never give up on you Keith.”_

_“See? I don’t think you realize that not many people would do that. Not many people_ have _done that. You’ve earned every bit of trust I have in you, Shiro. Don’t sell yourself short."_

_He still doesn’t look entirely convinced and all Keith wants to do is reassure him. He wishes that despite their relative safety they didn’t have to worry about things like supply runs and the undead. That they could live a normal life without the fear of dying every time they needed something._

_“The point is,” Keith continues after a few quiet moments, “you have to trust that I will do everything I can to come back. And that’s something I can promise.”_

_Maybe it’s the conviction in Keith’s voice or maybe it’s the way Keith still has his arms wrapped tight around him but something seems to settle in Shiro at that. He turns and pushes his face back into Keith’s chest and Keith allows him to. After a few moments he mumbles something into Keith’s collarbone that he doesn’t quite catch._

_“What was that?”_

_“Just… please. Don’t go somewhere I can’t follow.”_

_“Shiro -”_

_“Seriously Keith,” Shiro says as he finally pulls away to look Keith in the eye. Keith can see the turmoil there brewing like storm clouds, the need for reassurance begging to sweep through on a gentle breeze and blow them away. “I can’t lose you. I don’t want to do this without you.”_

_Keith’s entire body softens at the same time that flame in his chest flares up. He reaches forward slowly to brush the hair off of Shiro’s forehead._

_“I’ll be okay. I have you to watch out for me, right?”_

_He means it as lighthearted teasing, something to ease the heavy atmosphere around them. He doesn’t expect the look of seriousness that crosses Shiro’s face or the words that cause the breath to catch in Keith’s throat._

_“I promise to keep you safe. However I can. Whatever it takes.”_

_He shouldn’t, he knows he shouldn’t, he can’t promise that. But if there’s one thing he can guarantee, it’s that he’ll protect Shiro to his last breath._

_“Me too Shiro. I - I promise. You’re safe with me.”_

_The look Shiro gives him is full of such softness that Keith is transfixed. He seems to glow in the moonlight, years worth of stress and worry smoothing out until he looks younger than Keith has ever known him. The moment stretches taught like a rubber band ready to snap before Keith clears his throat and looks away, breaking it._

_“Come on, you can stay here tonight. It’s late anyway.”_

Shiro looks like he’s about to protest so Keith tacks on, “I know I don’t like to be by myself after a nightmare. You’ve done it for me countless times. Besides I… sleep better when you’re here anyway.” He hopes the room is dark enough to hide the blush that admission brings to his face.

_It does the trick though. Keith holds the blankets up and allows Shiro to slip in. The bed isn’t large and it forces them to curl up close together but Keith isn’t complaining. It’s not the first time they’ve shared a bed nor is it the first time they’ve shared this particular bed either._

_Shiro starts to get comfortable before he pauses and glances between the door and Keith in contemplation. Keith gets it instantly - he doesn’t like to sleep with his back to the door either. He settles on his side and reaches forward to tug at Shiro, pulling until he too is on his side facing the door. His arm settles lightly around Shiro’s waist as he snuggles up behind him, his chest flush to Shiro’s back._

_“Is this okay?”_

_“Yeah,” Shiro says, clearing his throat. “Yeah, it’s okay.”_

_“I’m right here. Get some rest, we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.”_

_Shiro picks up the hand Keith has wrapped around him to press a soft kiss to his wrist before lacing their fingers and settling back down. Keith’s breath hitches before he squeezes once, finding comfort in the returning clench of Shiro’s hand in his._

_“Goodnight Keith. Sleep well.”_

_“Yeah Shiro,” Keith breaths into the back of his head. “You too.”_


	7. Chapter 7

At the end of the second week, after Keith is finally allowed out of bed, they decide to tackle the school wing.   
  
So far they’ve avoided it because they didn’t need the space. It was much more important to secure the area they’d be living in rather than the entire compound. Now that they’ve finished clearing out the residency and administration buildings though, they’re ready to move on to the last leg.

They lay out a crudely drawn map and gather around it to discuss their approach. The ground floor of the school wing is the mess hall. It takes up about half of the entire floor while the kitchens and food storage areas take up the other half. They’ve been living off of supplies found in the student kitchens in the residential wing but Hunk has been dying to see what was left of the industrial sized kitchen since they got here and Keith thinks it’s high time they check it out.

Lance elects to stay behind with Allura when they began gearing up to go. He’s refused to leave her side for longer than a few moments and Keith knows it’s because she could have the baby any day now. If Keith were in his situation he wouldn’t want to leave either, just in case.

Pidge and Hunk spend most of the journey over talking about the different tech they want to get up and working, debating the merits of each and what would be the most beneficial to the group. Since the Garrison has solar panels, they want to try and set up a better communication system as well as a lockdown protocol should the need arise. It’s smart and efficient - he wouldn’t expect any less from them. Though Keith is quiet he can’t help but smile fondly as he watches them get more and more animated. 

The door to the school wing is locked and they can only see a darkened hallway beyond. Keith kneels down and picks the lock with the kit in his bag and in no time the door is swinging open. Muggy air blasts from the other side. 

It’s the smell that hits them first, something rotting and old permeating the air the farther they go. 

“Ugh,” Hunk says. “What is that? Smells worse than that house with the fridge we found before we got here.”

“Maybe it’s just food leftover in the kitchens? They’re bigger than the ones we’ve been using, they could just be full of rotten food,” Pidge tries to reason but Keith can tell she’s unsure. 

The doors to the cafeteria are large but blocked by an assortment of furniture - tables and chairs and desks piled so high they almost touch the ceiling. It’s shocking because it’s the first real sign that something went wrong here instead of everybody just up and leaving. A trickle of dread drips down his spine. 

“What’s going on here?” Pidge asks but neither he nor Hunk have an answer for her. 

“I don’t know but I don’t like it. We need to be quiet,” Keith whispers. Hunk nods his agreement vigorously and Keith can tell he’s nervous from the way he shifts his weight from foot to foot.

“There’s another door down this way. Come on, I’ll show you.”

Along the cafeteria wall and down aways is another door. This one is blocked as well, though Keith can see a window they should be able to reach. Pidge leads them over and before Keith can warn her to be careful she climbs on one of the chairs and peaks through the window at the top of the door.

She instantly gasps and stumbles backwards with a hand over her mouth, face a picture of horror. Keith rushes to steady her before she can fall and helps her down. She doesn’t even seem to notice, her movements shaky.

“What?” he asks in alarm. “What is it?”

Pidge can only stare forward in complete shock, eyes wide and unseeing. Hunk moves forward to look through the window and is tall enough to bypass the chair. His face pales in shock in a matter of seconds before he too is stumbling away.

“Oh god,” he says faintly.

Keith doesn’t know what’s going on but he’s going to find out. He makes sure Pidge is able to stand on her own before letting go of her. Then Keith looks through the window and finally sees what has them so horrified. 

He instantly wishes he can erase it from his memory.

Zombs, hundreds of them of all ages and sizes and all looking to be dormant, are in the room beyond. Most are not even fully intact - some have broken bones, some have skin that has fallen away, some are missing limbs entirely. It’s gruesome and horrible.

Not one of them looks freshly turned. 

All those people… 

“I guess we figured out what happened to everybody,” he says roughly. He thinks he may be sick and doesn’t fault Hunk when the sound of retching comes from behind him. The smell alone is enough to make someone sick, like rotting meat and sewage.

Keith turns away from the door, unable to look any more. Pidge is crouched against the wall, breathing ragged and hands fisted in her hair. Hunk swipes a sleeve against his mouth and meets Keith’s eyes. They share a look before Hunk gathers himself and approaches Pidge.

“Pidge?” he asks hesitantly. “Are you okay?”

He bends down to lay a gentle hand on her shoulder and a full body shudder goes through her.

“That could have been us,” Pidge says, quiet and horrified. “That could have been me and Matt and - and Shiro. That’s people I went to school with and _knew_. Any one of them could be people I sat in a classroom with.”

Just the thought of it makes dread pool in Keith’s stomach. He doesn’t know how they ended up like this but it couldn’t have been pretty. These people met a terrible fate and that is something he is certain of. He wouldn’t wish it on anyone - locked in a room forever in a state of stasis, their bodies unable to rest and attacking anyone who stumbles upon them. 

If that had been Pidge or Matt or Shiro, if they hadn’t left and had instead stayed at the Garrison…

No matter if they had survived or not, Keith wouldn’t have. He would be dead for sure, literally locked away until he either starved or was eaten himself. He wouldn’t have met people he considers family or been with the man he loves with his whole heart and soul. 

And he doesn’t want Pidge to go round and round in circles on what could have happened - it won’t help. Keith knows that now. You can’t get stuck on what may have been or you’ll drown in it.

Still… how awful would it be to find a zomb nest as large as this one and know without a shadow of a doubt that you knew many of the people in there?

“Pidge,” Keith says cautiously. He takes a step towards her but doesn’t touch her just yet. “You can’t think like that. Spiraling on the what ifs - it does more harm than good. Trust me, I know.”

“Keith, look at me!” Pidge nearly shouts. Hunk sends a nervous look to the door behind him and to her credit she lowers her voice. 

“I’m the only one left! There was so many people here and I thought…” She takes a deep, shuddering breath. “Sometimes while we were out there I - I wondered if staying here would have made a difference. I thought that maybe if we had stayed at the Garrison in the first place, Matt and Shiro would still be here.”

The ‘with me’ is silent but Keith hears it all the same. 

“I wouldn’t give up meeting you two and Lance and Allura for anything but it didn’t stop me from imagining. And then we got here and I see that even here wouldn’t have been safe, I would have lost them anyway! Are we ever going to find somewhere to live where we aren’t constantly looking over our shoulder?”

Pidge seems to meet her max because she slumps down and all but collapses into herself. It makes her look small, like she can just fold in on herself and make the bad go away. She looks like the twelve year old Keith met all those years ago. 

“Is anywhere safe?” she whispers tremulously. “Am I going to lose you guys too?”

Keith swallows his heartbreak down and finally kneels to pull her into a hug. She goes willingly but her tears are silent. Loss is not a stranger to any one of them but there’s something about her particular situation that strikes a chord in him. Keith knows with such aching clarity what it’s like to feel like you’ve been left behind over and over again and to fear being the last one standing.

“My mom used to tell me,” Hunk says into the silence, “that terrible things happen to good people. And we can’t let that hold us back from living our lives to the fullest.”

Keith meets his eyes over Pidge’s messy hair. There are silent tears making a path down his cheeks. Keith lifts an arm and Hunk doesn’t hesitate to join them.

“I know it doesn’t change things,” Hunk sniffles. “But you have us here with you. And we love you very much.”

He’s talking mainly to Pidge right then but he’s looking at Keith when he says it and he just knows it’s meant for him too. He squeezes Hunk’s arm in gratitude and the answering clench is firm and sure. 

“We have to get back to tell the others,” Pidge says after a few minutes. Keith and Hunk give her space and she takes the opportunity to rub her eyes with the palms of her hands before wiping her nose with the back of her wrist. Her face is blotchy but she’s steady on her feet when she stands.

The trip back is silent. Any positivity they felt about finally being done checking this place over is overshadowed with the weight of what they found. Keith doesn’t know what they’re going to do to get the zombs out of there but he does know they have to do something. 

They don’t take it well. Or rather, _Lance_ doesn’t take it well. Keith doesn’t think he’s ever seen Lance go this fast into fight or flight mode and he doesn’t know if he has the patience to calm him. He can feel a headache brewing behind his brow.

“There’s a _what?_ ”

Keith sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. He’s exhausted both emotionally and physically and he just wants to go sleep for a thousand years.

“There’s a nest of zombs holed up in the cafeteria. We need to figure out how we’re going to get them out of there.”

“Woah woah woah,” Lance pauses in his pacing, holding up a finger and waving it in Keith’s direction. Keith would be more offended if he had the energy to be. “We’re sitting next door to a zomb nest and you’re talking about how to get them out? Are you crazy?”

“Well we can’t just leave them there,” Keith tries to reason. He’s confused as to what Lance is getting at - they can’t just leave the zombs there permanently. Of course they’re going to have to get them out somehow.

“We can’t move a whole nest of zombs. That’s just asking to get torn apart.” He rolls his eyes as if to say ‘This guys is crazy’. Keith narrows his own eyes in return. 

“I don’t know what you want here Lance and frankly I’m too tired to try and figure it out. Just spit it out already so I can go get some rest before dealing with this.”

“How can you not be more concerned?” Lance cries, throwing his arm out to gesture in the general direction of the cafeteria. “There’s a literal _zomb nest_ in the same building as us!”

“We were perfectly fine before we found out about the nest!” Keith practically shouts. He’s getting more and more frustrated and as much as he doesn’t want to take it out on his friend he feels like he’s going to tear his hair out. “I don’t know why we can’t take necessary precautions until we can find a more permanent solution!”

“Our permanent solution is us getting out of here. How is that not your first response?”

“Very funny Lance,” Keith says sarcastically. “Sorry I forgot to laugh. For a second I thought you wanted us to leave the safest place we’ve found since the Sanctuary went down.”

Leave? Keith thinks to himself. He wants them to leave? So they found a zomb nest - yeah it’s not ideal but they can figure something out. They’re smart and now they have much more resources available to them. If they can’t figure out how to get rid of the hoard then they aren’t very good apocalypse survivors. They’ve faced much worse odds before.

Besides, where would they go? Allura is about two seconds away from giving birth and the last thing he would want is something to happen to her because they’re trying to hide from zombs. He would lay down his life to protect her and her child but why put themselves in that situation in the first place?

Not to mention how hard they’ve worked to start building a life here. Allura has proudly started pulling together a room for the baby with what little they have - Hunk and Pidge have been making plans to turn the Garrison into a Grade A Stronghold. Even Lance has put in time and effort into making this place the best it could be. The Garrison has real potential to _be_ something. 

And as much as he’s started to improve over these last few weeks leaving would mean giving up that last sliver of hope that Shiro is still out there. As much as he’s tried to grieve and move on, a small part will always hope for him to come back to Keith. Leaving would mean that if Shiro is still alive and making his way to him they could just miss each other. Or worse, Shiro would unknowingly be walking into a zomb nest. 

Even the thought makes him shudder. 

“I’m serious!” Lance yells. “It’s not safe here! We can’t stay here with those things just one loud noise away from busting out of there!”

“So you think being out on the road again will be any better? With a newborn baby? That’s even worse than staying here!”

“Ugh!” Lance exclaims, throwing his hands in the air. “Why do you have to be so stubborn? What about you guys? I can’t be the only one that thinks staying here is insane.”

Pidge glances up from where she is sitting on the couch in the study lounge. A blanket sits wrapped around her shoulders and she leans against Hunk who has an arm around her comfortingly. She’s been quiet ever since they got back and Keith is worried about her lack of input so far. 

It’s Allura, standing from where she is leaning against a table in the corner, that responds. She hasn’t had the same knee jerk reaction as Lance but Keith can tell she is just as concerned. He knows that her opinion will hold the most sway seeing as she’s the one who will be having a baby very soon. 

“I can’t deny that the zomb nest makes me quite uneasy,” she begins slowly. 

“See! I told you, we should just leave now.”

“But I just…” Allura hesitates. “I don’t know how I feel about having the baby on the road. I was really grateful to be somewhere with four walls and a bed.”

Lance pauses, studiously ignoring Keith to keep his eyes trained on Allura.  
  
“Allura, are you sure? If something happens and those zombs get out I don’t know if we’d be able to escape. We’d be trapped in here with them.”

“I’m sorry Lance.” She really does seem apologetic. “I just need to think about this for a little bit. I don’t want us to do anything rash and it would all do us some good to get some rest and reconvene.”

Lance seems to wilt but Keith is oddly touched by Allura’s support. He knows that Lance is worried and he doesn’t blame him for it. Keith just wishes he would take a second to consider all the possibilities available to them. 

Hunk, ever the peacekeeper, decides that they’re not getting anywhere with this. “Allura’s right. Let’s come back and talk about this some more when we’re not ready to attack each other. Nothing will happen in one night if we make sure everything is locked down and we’re not going to accomplish anything if we can’t talk about it.”

“Fine,” Lance says after a moment. He folds his arms in front of his chest and his stare is heated. “But we’re not done with this.”

Oh, Keith has no doubt that Lance will bring this back up again. Even he wants to try and figure out what to do about it. He knows they can’t leave it indefinitely, that it needs to be dealt with if they ever want a comfortable life here. 

Keith just has a feeling that whatever happens, nobody is going to win.

\------------

_The seasons come and go and with it, life._

_They lose Colleen to sickness during the coldest winter they’ve ever experienced. It sweeps through the camp and takes people like an angel of death with no mercy, leaving those that are left to pick up the pieces. It nearly breaks Pidge and Matt who cling to each other in the cold as they hold a small but respectable ceremony. Keith aches to see something of himself reflected in those tear filled eyes._

_They cope in different ways. Pidge swears she’ll never let illness take anyone from her again and spends late nights in the town library pouring over medical texts. There are many nights that Keith finds her after curfew passed out on top of heavy tomes with nothing but a flickering candle to light the way._

_Matt does his best to provide what she needs, bringing her gifts from the supply runs he throws himself into. He’s not alone as Shiro and Keith never let him stray far by himself, someone always watching his back even when he doesn’t want it. He may grow weary but he never loses the spark that gives his eyes their life._

_He makes friends in Lance, Allura, and Hunk. They vary as much in personality as they do in background but they defended them when they needed it and then they just… don’t leave. Keith would be more annoyed if he wasn’t oddly charmed when he sees them joking around with Shiro and how the laughter lights up Shiro’s face with a boyish charm that makes him feel warm deep inside._

_He finds himself wondering at times if they would have been anything to each other in different circumstances, or if the way of the world has forced them into relationships they wouldn’t have had otherwise. But what are relationships if not the circumstances of life? He doesn’t think Lance’s brashness or Allura’s boldness or Hunk’s sunny disposition would have attracted Keith to them when he was deep in his own head, but now he can’t imagine doing this without them._

_Slowly, they become irreplaceable fixtures in Keith’s life - friends he would very willingly die for if the need arose._

_But as much as they come to mean to him they are not as irreplaceable as Shiro, whose relationship with Keith becomes unique. They become inseparable and it would be a rare thing to find one without the other. Keith decides early on that he likes it that way - if Shiro is always nearby, what can hurt him? They’re teased relentlessly but Keith couldn’t care less what the others think of him._

_And after what seems like a lifetime of dancing around each other, after tears and near misses and laughter, Keith finally finds the courage to kiss Shiro under the same stars they met under - the ones that convinced Keith to follow Shiro in the first place._

_Keith doesn’t know what surprises him more: how much enthusiasm Shiro has in kissing him back or the Sanctuary’s equivalent of money that Matt hands a smug Pidge when they show up the next day holding hands._

_Without Colleen the house that the Holt family was assigned was considered too large and they are reassigned housing. After a long talk with the Holt siblings, Keith and Shiro decide they want to try living on their own, to build something together. They are sent off with twin blessings to “christen every inch of their own home and never let themselves be walked in on again”._

_Yet there is still a niggling doubt, something that sprouts up in Keith on occasion that tells him to run, go, flee. It was the biggest cities that were the first to fall, after all. He whispers this to Shiro on the hardest nights, the nights neither of them can sleep for fear of what they’ll see._

_He expects for Shiro to reassure him that they don’t need to worry about it. Instead he strokes a hand down Keith’s back and tells him they’ll come up with a backup plan, just in case._

_They do plan but the conversation falls into the past, time allowing them to grow and love and learn. They’re safe here within the walls of the Sanctuary._

_The seasons come and go and with it, life._

_Slowly, days turn into weeks turn into months turn into years and they settle in, get comfortable._

_They get complacent._

\------------

For the first few days after discovering the zomb nest they sit at a stalemate. If the argument that took place after they found the nest was a battle than the ensuing debates was a war that nobody escapes from. Two raising factions have cropped up - Lance, who is insistent they leave as soon as possible and Keith, who thinks they should try and find a way to get the zombs out of the Garrison.

The other three all fall into a sliding scale between the two of them. After much convincing, Hunk sides with Lance though with the caveat that they need time to collect supplies and prepare the vehicles. He wants to deck out the van and truck with materials from around the Garrison to not only make it more liveable but safer too. 

Pidge is still quiet but as Hunk’s idea starts to take hold she gains more enthusiasm for it. She wants to stay at the Garrison and thinks that given enough time they can come up with a way to get the zombs out but thinks they should have some sort of backup plan just in case. It’s what they did when they first got to the Sanctuary and Keith thinks that even if they stay here it’s a smart idea. 

I’m Allura is a proponent of staying at least for the time being. Whatever she decides, Lance will go along with her and she knows that. Keith knows she wants to side with him but she raises valid concerns - where would they go? How would they have room for all the supplies they need? What about the noise of a newborn baby? 

If they can figure these things out, she says, she will consider leaving.

After hours of debate that included raised voices and many barbed comments, they decide that if they can’t find a way to safely get the zombs out of the Garrison by the time Allura has her baby, they’ll leave and search for something safer as soon as they’re born. 

It’s not the best solution but it’s the best available to them with the resources they have. The Garrison has a medical wing and though the supplies are picked over they at least have equipment. None of them want to force Allura into giving birth in the back of their van so they can at least agree on that deadline.

Which means Keith, as the biggest proponent for staying and figuring out how to get rid of the zombs, somehow becomes the ringleader for making said plan.

It causes the anxiety Keith feels to spike exponentially and the pressure is on to come up with something, _anything_. He just doesn’t know what to do. There’s not enough weapons or ammo to fight them, there’s no way to take the building down without risking the rest of the Garrison, and they can’t just open the doors to the courtyard and hope they leave. Keith doesn’t even know how they’d get the doors open without someone getting overrun. 

The added deadline just makes everything worse - especially since there’s no specific time he has to have this figured out by. 

The waiting game is going to destroy him.

He constantly feels on edge. Keith doesn’t like the fact that there’s a zomb nest here just as much as the next guy, but Lance seems to think that Keith doesn’t care. He wants to keep the newly rekindled peace desperately but anger and frustration constantly boil white hot under his skin. 

He finds himself needing to let off steam and there’s only so much his rooftop escape will work before someone finds out about it. Not to mention that he feels like he needs to be doing something all the time or he’s wasting it. Sitting on a roof and staring into the distance as though it will make all his problems go away is not the way to handle this problem. It won’t work to quell the rising tide of unease in him.

Instead Keith takes the time out of every morning and afternoon to go check on the zomb nest. Hunk and Lance had bolted the door shut that very night with some impressively thick locks but he goes by just to make sure the lock is still in place and no zombs are wandering the hallway beyond. 

It’s dangerous to go off on his own despite his confidence that they’ve cleared the other two buildings. He knows if the others knew he was doing this they wouldn’t be happy, especially after what happened the last time he went off by himself. Which is why he decides to not tell them about this little tidbit.

It’s always nice to take a walk by himself but doubly so when he’s so pent up. Keith has always been a man of action - he’s moved to stay alive for as long as he can remember. Shiro was one of the only people that truly understood that about him.

Thoughts swirl through his mind and he’s having trouble focusing on the task at hand. There’s something he’s forgetting, something that he knows could help them - he just doesn’t know what. He knows it’s possible but how? 

A growl of frustration bubbles out of his throat. Keith pauses in his journey across the lobby of the reception area and takes a moment to breathe. They can do this. He can’t lose confidence in himself now - what would Shiro say?

He can practically hear him tell Keith, “Patience yields focus baby. You just have to keep moving forward.” It brings a small smile to his face though it’s tinged with a sad fondness. Remembering his time with Shiro is always hard but he was and still is such a big part of Keith’s life that cutting him out would cause Keith to lose something of himself. He wouldn’t be the same man he is today without Shiro.   
  
The lobby is warm with sunlight and Keith basks in it. He’s always felt better in natural light and Shiro used to tease him for his catlike tendencies. He’d give anything to hear a dumb joke about it right now if it meant Shiro was here with him. Keith would shove his shoulder and Shiro would laugh loudly and unashamedly before accepting the kiss Keith would give him.   
  
He wishes more than anything to see him if only one last time. To hug him and kiss him and tell him he loves him. 

Keith sighs. He will cling to hope until his dying day but it doesn’t help when his wishes go unanswered. He turns to leave and continue towards the cafeteria when a shadow falls through the front door. Keith squints at it before his eyes widen in shock and he scrambles to get back to the hallway behind him.

There’s a great bang as the front doors are blown open. The clatter of footsteps fill the entryway with a cacophony of noise and he peeks around the corner to see people with masks flooding the entrance. There’s easily half a dozen of them and they spread out with their military grade guns sweeping the room.

Where in the world did these people come from? There’s been no sign of anyone interested in this place since they got here. Hunk and Pidge had even started setting up cameras to keep track of the gates so they didn’t have to patrol them every day. He reaches up to tap his earpiece when he realizes he doesn’t have it. They’ve been lax about wearing the communicators since they finished clearing out the Garrison and Keith has never regretted a decision more.

One of the group starts giving directions and the rest of them splits up. This must be the leader, Keith thinks to himself. That’s a problem for later though because now there are people with guns invading the space his family has carved out for themselves.

He doesn’t have long to think before he’s swarmed by people. Glancing behind him shows the door to a storage room and he ducks through it with little thought. His back hits the wall by the door and he takes a moment to catch his breath. 

There are people here. People he doesn’t know. People he doesn’t know with advanced weapons and greater numbers than their measly group of five. If it comes down to a firefight they’re done for. He has to warn the others - who knows what will happen if he doesn’t get back to them first.

But even as he thinks that he hears footsteps approach his hiding spot. He sees the long shadow of a figure grow larger and larger as the footsteps get louder before they stop outside the cracked door. 

Keith closes his eyes and tries to center his breathing. He counts - in, two, three, four, out, two, three, four - before opening them and preparing himself for the coming confrontation. 

The door opens on rusty hinges, creaking into the silence. The room is small and Keith assumes that because no zombs have come forward at the noise the person is a little less cautious than they should be. It’s no matter - it works in Keith’s favor anyway. 

The gun makes it through the door followed swiftly by a person dressed all in black. They turn to the left first, away from Keith, and he doesn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. He wraps an arm around them from behind, hand clamping over their mouth just in time to muffle their shout of surprise. His machete comes to rest over their neck delicately. 

It’s not enough to draw blood but enough to show that the threat is there. The other person knows this just as well as Keith does because they freeze immediately. 

“Don’t make any noise,” Keith commands. “Drop the gun, _now._ Who are you and what are you doing here?”

Keith can feel the harsh breathes puffing out of the person in front of him but they drop the gun without hesitation. It hangs on a strap around their shoulder and it swings back and forth like a pendulum. 

“I’m going to take a step back now. I want you to turn around with your hands up.”

Keith takes first one then two steps back but keeps the machete trained on their neck. Then the person finally turns around to face Keith and he can’t help the gasp that leaves him as they reach up to pull down the mask covering their face.

“Keith?”

Because there, standing before him with a new scar on his face and hair long enough to pull back, is -

_“Matt?”_

Matt, one of his best friends. Matt, the person who is like a brother to him. Matt, one of the first people to truly accept him and love him like family. The one they were sure didn’t survive the collapse of the Sanctuary. He’s here. Alive. 

Pidge is going to absolutely lose her mind. 

“Oh my god,” Matt says, laughing. _“Oh my god.”_

He swoops forward to crush Keith in an enthusiastic hug and picks him up clean off his feet. Keith is stunned stupid for all of three seconds before he’s clinging back hard. 

His eyes well up instantly but the tears don’t fall - he hasn’t cried since his talk with Allura. He also hasn’t been hugged this hard, this desperately, in… a long time. Like the other person is afraid to let go lest he disappear. And maybe he will - maybe he’ll disintegrate into dust the minute Matt lets go.

Of all the people Keith expected to one day come back into his life, Matt was not at the top of the list. Though he knows who he’d wish more than anyone else to walk through that door, he can’t deny that he is unbelievably ecstatic to see his longtime friend.

“God, I had hoped you guys had come here!” Matt babbles. He puts Keith down and holds him at arm's length with hands resting on his shoulders, scanning him up and down as though to make sure it’s actually him. “I can’t believe you’re here! We didn’t know if you would have packed up and left or if this place was even livable and it takes so much longer to travel with bigger groups, you know? And - oh god, is Pidge with you? Is she okay?”

“Yeah,” Keith says with a relieved laugh. He feels lighter than he has in weeks - months even. “Yeah Pidge is here. She’s with the others in the dormitory. Fuck Matt, how are you _here?_ We thought you didn’t make it out of the Sanctuary!”

Matt sobers but the glow never leaves his face - his face looks as happy as Keith feels right then but his eyes are stormy with pain buried deep.

“That’s a story for later. I have to go give the all clear to the rest of the group before they think I’m missing.”

At the mention of the group something Matt said hits him like a ten ton weight, knocking the breath from his lungs and resting heavily on his chest. _We_ didn’t know if you would be here. And there’s only one person other than Matt who knew about their plans to come here if separated, one other person who would be hoping for them to be here when Matt’s group arrived. 

He tries to temper the sudden niggle of hope that blooms up. He doesn’t know if he’ll be able to take it if it’s not true.

But Matt seems to be coming to his own realization and he grins, eyes sparkling in a way that only the Holt’s have mastered - mischievous but confident as though he knows whatever is about to happen will change Keith’s life for the better.

“Oh have I got a surprise for you.”

He grabs Keith by the wrist with a grip like iron and pulls him along behind him. Keith doesn’t protest because suddenly there’s a blossoming feeling of hope in his head and his heart is thundering in his chest, pulsing like a jackrabbit’s as he’s lead back to the main group of people. That weight still rests on his chest and if he’s wrong about this he feels as though it may crush him beyond repair. 

As they turn the corner and approach the group one thing - and only one thing - stands out to him.

The person standing in the center of it all has a tuft of white hair.

Matt shouts something but all he hears is white noise and the wild thumping of his heart. The person turns in what seems like slow motion before they freeze where they’re standing. Though he can’t see them he can feel their eyes trained on his face and for a moment the earth itself seems to hold still.

A hand reaches up to remove the mask covering their face and suddenly the floor has fallen out from under him. He feels like a baby deer when he takes his first step, wobbling and unsteady, before his pace picks up and up and up until he’s flying towards the figure in front of him.

He collides with the force of a thousand shooting stars, heart crashing burning _exploding_ in his chest like a supernova. He smashes into them hard enough to nearly send them tumbling over but if there’s one thing he’s always trusted it’s the ability for them to catch him when he falls.

Keith fists his hands in the jacket, wrapping his legs around their waist like a koala and just _clinging_ like his world would end if he let go. And quite frankly it might - it feels like he’s hallucinating, like it’s a dream and he’s just waiting for the moment that he’s going to wake up. 

But there’s a hand cradling his head and a cold nose tucked into his throat and an arm snakes around his waist to hold him securely and if this is a dream he hopes he never wakes up.

“Keith,” Shiro gasps. “Keith, baby. _Baby._ ”

Keith sobs and the tears that were sitting in his eyes finally fall, streaming down his face in rivulets. That voice. That _voice._ That beautiful voice. Keith never thought he’d hear it say his name again.

Keith leans back just far enough to cradle Shiro’s face and kiss him. It’s messy, desperate and more perfect than any kiss they’ve shared before. Shiro returns it with a frenzy that Keith understands from the depth of his soul.

He vaguely hears wolf whistles behind him and Matt shouting something but it’s a distant thought to what is happening in the here and now. It’s like they’re in a bubble - completely separate from the world around them except for the distorted surroundings that trickle through.

Shiro pulls back just enough to press his forehead to Keith’s, one hand still threaded through his hair and the other still tight around his middle. Keith just cradles the whole world in his hand and stares into those eyes that swim with so much relief, so much heartache, so much _love._ So, so much love.

“You’re here,” he sniffles. “Wait, you’re really here right? I’m not dreaming?”

“You’re not dreaming baby. I told you we’d see each other again,” he says, soft and fond in a way Keith has missed dearly. Silent tears fall down Shiro’s face and Keith swipes them away with his thumbs. There’s wonderment in his eyes and tears sparkling on his lashes and Keith has never been more in awe.

This brave, wonderful, beautiful man. Keith loves him so much it hurts. 

He could say any number of things in response - I never gave up hope, I’m sorry, please don’t leave again - but all he can do is smile helplessly and say, “I love you. So much.”

Shiro’s answering grin is as bright as the sun when he replies, “I love you too.”

Then Shiro spins them around and Keith throws back his head and laughs. It’s a laugh that expels pain and worry and fear, casting it out and away from him to be offered to the heavens above. He never wants to feel like he has for the past few months ever again and somehow, with Shiro here with him, he thinks that may be possible.

Whatever happens now, everything will be okay because Shiro is by his side once more.


	8. Chapter 8

Shortly after their reunion Pidge and Lance came skidding to a halt in the entryway.

“What’s going on? Keith someone tripped the alarm and -“ 

Then Pidge caught sight of Matt and shrieked before launching herself forward like a tiny pin missile. Keith had watched her collide with her brother as he clutched Shiro’s hand tight in his own though Matt didn’t have the same luck as Shiro had, both of them tumbling to the floor in a tangle of limbs. 

From the pile that was the Holts, Matt bursted into tears. 

“Pidge,” he cried, clutching her tight. “Pidge you’re okay. I can’t believe it! Shiro told me you made it out but - god I’m just so glad you’re okay!”

“I never thought I’d see you again!” Pidge’s voice was muffled through Matt’s shirt but even he could hear how wet her voice sounded. 

It was a touching reunion and everything Pidge deserved. Keith hadn’t seen her that happy in… a long time. Like the weight of the world had been lifted from her shoulders. He hadn’t realized how long it had been since he’d seen her smile be genuine. 

In the chaos Lance approached Shiro and though he tried to hold strong Keith could tell he had been struggling. His smile wobbled on his face and there was a suspicious shine to his eyes when he reached out to pull Shiro into a firm hug.

“Shiro man, I’m… so sorry. So, _so_ sorry. If I had known what would have happened -“

“Lance, it’s not your fault,” Shiro interrupted him firmly. “You did the best you could with the information available to you. I don’t blame you or anyone else for what happened.”

Lance’s lip wobbled and he rubbed his eyes with a hand when he pulled back. Keith had… no idea that Lance had been carrying that guilt with him. Keith had slowly but surely come to his own terms about what happened but he never stopped to ask how the others had handled it.  
  
When they finally lead Shiro and Matt back to where they’d been staying Allura and Hunk gave them similarly tearful greetings. It was joyful and light, a moment in time that will stay with Keith forever. This mismatched family had been through so much, divided and kicked while they were down. But now they’re together again, ready to take on anything that comes at them. 

After things calmed down Matt and Shiro had introduced them to Olia - a kickass woman with two kids that Keith instantly took a liking to. She had a confident attitude without being cocky and Keith could see why she’d been elected leader of their group. 

Said group had dubbed themselves “The Rebels”, though what they were rebelling against Keith didn’t know. If Matt was to be believed it was, ‘the forces of evil and flesh eating monsters’. 

Keith kind of really wants that printed on a t-shirt. 

They gave Olia the rundown of what was happening and after her reaction of shock and concern settled down she agreed to help them clear out the school wing if it meant the Rebels got to stay in the Garrison after. They were more than willing to agree - a friend of Shiro and Matt is a friend of theirs, especially if they’ve traveled together and kept each other safe for months. 

Now that there are more people here Keith’s friends are more settled with the idea of trying to get the zombs out of the Garrison. He tried not to feel so offronted about it but even he was struggling to come up with ideas and he thinks hopes _prays_ that the good luck will continue over into their planning. 

They have a fighting chance now. And they’re ready to take it.

After that, it was a whirlwind of getting everyone assigned rooms and feeding them. The Rebels stood thirty members strong and though they had plenty of room they weren’t expecting the sudden addition to their routine. 

By the time they finished they were all exhausted. Keith led Shiro to his room and they had no energy left to even talk, instead falling into bed in a tangle and promptly passing out to the sweet noise of gentle breathing. 

He hadn’t slept that well in ages. 

Now they all sit in what Lance has named the ‘War Room’. Olia and her second in command N-7 are at the head of one side of the long table while Keith and Shiro take up the other. Pidge has commandeered a rolling dry erase board and has roughly sketched an aerial view of the Garrison. Hunk, Lance, and Allura crowd around the table opposite her, ready to go. 

So far they haven’t had much luck, hashing over the few details they have gathered. Even with the addition of numbers there are way too many zombs to fight them directly. Their only option is to somehow get them outside the gates with no loss of life in the process. 

Keith lets them talk it out, content to sit and think on his own. Something has been bothering him for awhile now, something he’s been forgetting. A little niggle of a plan sparks in the back of his head as something dawns on him. It could work if they have the right equipment. It would be dangerous yes, one wrong move could ruin everything but Keith thinks it’s possible. Because the last time they encountered these things...

“What if we had some other way to draw them out?” Keith asks absently. The room around him goes quiet as they focus in on him. 

“What?”

“Pidge do you still have that recording?”

She seems confused, blinking at the abrupt interruption before realization floods her face and she immediately lurches to her feet and sprints off shouting, “Just give me two seconds, I’ll be right back!”

They exchange looks but Keith doesn’t elaborate. It seems to dawn on Hunk though because he lets out a little, “Oh!” in surprise. Pidge comes hurtling back with a tape recorder clenched tightly in hand. 

“We got this way back when we ran into one on the way here,” she pants

“Ran into what?” N-7 asks, curious. She has yet to remove her mask and Keith doesn’t think he’s ever seen her without it. Olia gives the recorder a skeptical look. 

“There are these zombs that are… different.”

“Different? Different how?”

“I know it sounds crazy but they... Yell? Scream? They have a way of drawing all the other zombs in an area towards them. Like they’re calling out to them or something.”

“Oh, you mean the sirens,” Matt says. At their blank stares he shrugs. “You know, creatures that lure unsuspecting people to their doom with just the sound of their voice? Zombs can’t help but be drawn to them. We haven’t encountered many but they’re dangerous. One wrong move and you have a whole hoard bearing down on you.”

Silence settles over the room like a cloud. Most, like Keith, have had their own encounters with these things before. 

Shiro squeezes his hand in comfort and Keith draws strength from that. He’s here now and that’s all that matters.

“We could use this to lure them out. There are bound to be speakers we can use and the Garrison runs on solar power,” Keith finally says. 

“Okay,” Pidge says writing down ‘Use siren recording to lure them to the gates’ on the dry erase board. “So we know how we’re getting them from point A to point B. How are we going to get them out of the cafeteria? We don’t want anyone standing too close when those doors open.”

“I’ve been thinking about that,” Hunk says. “What if there was a way to open the door leading outside without anyone standing there?”

“What, like blowing it up? Good one Hunk,” Lance laughs. Then he catches sight of Hunk’s face. “Oh, you were serious.”

“It could work,” Shiro ponders. “I bet there are enough supplies here to set up a small explosion. Nothing too crazy but enough to bust down the doors and let them out. What do you guys think?”

“It’s certainly possible. I found some low grade explosives when we first got here. They’re in the labs.”

“Okay, say for just a moment we get the doors open,” Lance says. He doesn’t sound too keen on the idea, whether it be because they’re talking about using explosives or talking about letting the zombs free Keith doesn’t know. “How do we make sure they go out the gates instead of hanging around the courtyard? Even if we used the recording, there’s no guarantee they’d actually go outside instead of getting stuck inside the courtyard.”

“Zombs don’t have a mind of their own. It’s part of why they’re so dangerous. They’re really like wild animals,” Olia says thoughtfully. “What if we treat them like that?”

“What do you mean?”

“We herd them. They’ll follow the noise but we can block off everything but a path straight from the gates to the door.”

“So we send them through a bottleneck,” Pidge muses. “It could work.”

“Somebody is going to have to close the gates behind them,” Keith points out. “And if we’re not careful then we let them lose through the whole compound. We’d have to leave… if we could even get out.”

“It’s manual too,” says Pidge. “Whoever does it has to be strong enough to push it closed themselves. And do it fast.”

“I can do it.”

Keith whips his head around to stare, sure he has misheard. 

“I can do it,” Shiro says again but this time to Keith. “I’m strong enough and fast enough. It should be me.”

“No I - Shiro I just got you back,” Keith says weakly. 

Why does it always have to be Shiro? This stupid idiot with the purest heart of gold. He always does this to himself, puts himself in danger, throws himself into the path of a bullet to save someone else. Keith loves him for it but sometimes he wishes the man would look after himself more. 

He meets Shiro’s eyes and in that moment everything passes between them; reassurances and love and affection all pouring out. I’ll be careful, trust me, everything will be okay. It all passes to him from the depth of Shiro’s gaze, eyes shining at him. 

Someone clears their throat from the other side of the room. Keith blushes and turns to see everyone staring at the two of them. Shiro’s hand squeezes his under the table. 

“We’ll do it together,” says Keith. He squeezes Shiro’s hand back. 

So now they have a plan. Keith just prays they’re able to pull it off without anyone getting hurt. 

They’re back in Keith’s room later that night when Shiro draws him into the circle of his spread knees from where he sits on the bed. 

“I wanted to give you this,” he says softly. Keith doesn’t know what to expect but it’s not what is held out to him. 

It’s his knife. 

He flicks his eyes up to meet Shiro’s in shock and more than a little bit of awe. 

“When we were separated,” Shiro begins softly, “this is one of the only things that kept me going. It was like… physical proof I had someone waiting for me. I had to keep pushing forward because I had to come back to you.”

“Shiro,” Keith whispers. He reaches forward to rest his hand on the knife, holding it over Shiro’s own so they’re cradling it together. “I can’t believe you brought it back with you.”

“I told you I’d bring it back,” Shiro tells him, echoing words spoken what seems like a lifetime ago. “Just like I told you I’d see you again. Besides, it’s like you were with me. You were protecting me Keith, even if you weren’t there in person.”

Keith’s vision blurs just a bit before he’s leaning forward to capture his lips in a soft kiss. When they part, Keith rests his forehead against Shiro’s and stares into those eyes he loves so much. 

“Of course I was protecting you,” Keith murmurs. “And I always will.”

\------------

_Fall chill has begun to set in when Allura and Lance call everyone to their tiny house for an evening of what Lance refers to as, “the greatest celebration of the apocalyptic world”. Keith scoffs when he hears him declaring this to Pidge and Hunk until Shiro elbows him good naturedly and wraps an arm around his waist to tug him into his side. Keith thinks he can accept this in exchange for his silence._

_Lance doesn’t elaborate when asked what they’re supposed to be celebrating though the others poke and prod at him. Keith secretly thinks he just likes the attention and it’s all but confirmed when he catches Lance’s unmistakeably smug smirk._

_It isn’t until they’re all gathered in Lance and Allura’s living room that they get any hint as to why they’re there at all. Lance waits until they’ve all settled themselves on the assorted furniture - Keith, Shiro, and Matt on the couch and Pidge and Hunk squeezed into the armchair - before he stands and pulls Allura to her feet with him._

_“We have something we would like to tell everyone.” Allura announces. Lance comes up behind her, wraps his arms around her waist, and rests his hands on her abdomen._

_Pidge gets it almost instantly, before they even say anything. She gasps loudly before she shrieks, “Oh my god, you actually did it!” and launches herself at Allura._

_It takes the rest of them a few seconds to catch up but when it finally clicks there’s assorted gasps and noises of surprise followed by ecstatic congratulations. Lance doesn’t leave anything to chance when he declares, “We’re having a baby!”_

_“Oh man, I’m so happy for you guys!” Hunk says before he scoops Lance up in a bear hug and promptly bursts into tears._

_“There, there big guy. It’s okay, there’s no need to cry!” Lance tries to comfort soothingly as he pats Hunk’s back._

_“But there’s going to be a baby running around here! Oooooh I’ll have to gather supplies, we have to babyproof the house! I have to babyproof_ my _house! We’ll start on that right away, don’t you worry buddy!”_

_“Hunk, you do know we have a while before Allura has the baby right? Like months.”_

_“I know,” Hunk sniffs. “But we have to start preparing earlier so we’re all nice and ready when it’s time.” He squeezes tight enough to crack ribs and Lance squeaks as he squirms to get free._

_“Great, there’s going to be more of him.” Keith grumbles with his arms folded against his chest, watching the scene in front of him. It lacks the bite it would have once had - he truly is elated for them. He leans into Shiro’s side and relishes the warmth it brings._

_“Be nice,” Shiro chides without any real heat, automatically moving to drape an arm over Keith’s shoulder. “You and I both know you’re happy for them. Besides, there’s a fifty fifty chance they’ll end up more like Allura.” Matt snickers into his hand before rising to his feet and taking his turn to congratulate them._

_Lance eventually pulls Keith aside to the kitchen to help make drinks for everyone and though he puts up a token protest he helps anyway. He’s too excited, too happy for them. They’ve been meticulously planning this for months, gathering supplies and gaining permission. It’s not an easy process but if anyone deserves it it’s them._

_“So I see the Counsel gave the go ahead,” Keith comments. He pulls mismatched plastic cups from the cabinet, passing them along to Lance who snorts as he lines them up on the counter._

_“Sure took them long enough. We thought they were never going to say yes. I know it’s important not to overcrowd but seriously.”_

_“Hmm,” Keith hums noncommittally. He doesn’t really agree with the way the Counsel has a say in this aspect of their lives but he doesn’t want to open that can of worms right now - he feels that Lance is steeling himself to say something and he wants to give him that moment._

_“I know Allura wanted to wait a bit so we could talk to you both alone but I wanted to give you a heads up,” Lance starts slowly as he pours lemonade into plastic cups. Keith remembers when he found the mix to make that, loudly proclaiming that it was Allura’s favorite and that he was going to surprise her with it. When it wouldn’t fit in his bag he carried it the entire way back, refusing to put it down._

_Before Shiro, Keith didn’t understand the driving need to do little things for that one special person. He wanted to keep his friends safe sure, but he didn’t see something in passing when out collecting supplies and think to take up precious bag space carrying it with him. It was all about surviving and keeping each other safe. Shiro changed that for him, though it’s not on the level of Lance._

_Because where Keith works to keep them alive, Lance endeavors to keep them_ happy _. That’s not to say that Keith’s efforts are unimportant or wasted - you can’t make people happy if they’re not even alive to enjoy it. But Lance always tries to make life bearable and a lot of that is providing the small things, the things you wouldn’t normally think about. Like dinners with friends. Like lemonade._

_Lance will make a good father, Keith thinks to himself._

_“We’re still nervous, bringing a new life into this world,” he continues but his eyes are focused on his hands as they work. “But all reports say that the zombs aren’t as bad as they used to be. The Sanctuary has been safe for so many years and nobody has been turned inside these gates. We know that doesn’t mean something unexpected can’t happen though.”_

_He takes a deep breath and finally turns to look Keith in the eye. “If something happens to me and Allura, we want you and Shiro to take care of the baby. We want you to be the godparents.”_

_Keith’s inhalation freezes in his throat. Him? They want him to..?_

_Lance must see the look on Keith’s face and assume the worst because he backtracks almost immediately._

_“I mean, you don’t have to, we just thought - we don’t want to put that responsibility on you if you can’t or, or make you feel like you_ have _to or something we just -”_

 _“No!” Keith interrupts, finally regaining power over his mouth. His hand raises in a half aborted movement. “I’d really like that. And knowing Shiro he will too. But why us?”_ Why me?

_“Well, I can’t say it was my suggestion. Allura was the one who brought it up,” he reveals with a fond smile. “But the more I thought about it the more I agreed. You and Shiro work well together and you’ve always protected your friends. We know you’ll be there just as much for our baby as you are for us. I trust you with my life, I trust you with Allura’s life and you’ve never, not once, let me down. I know I can trust you with the baby’s life too.”_

_Lance, for all his loud and crass mannerisms, can be surprisingly straightforward when he wants to be. Keith is oddly touched in a way he never expected to be when it comes to Lance._

_“I know Pidge and Hunk and Matt will still be there for them,” he says quietly. “They’ll do whatever it takes and I can trust them to do that. But we want you and Shiro to raise them as your own, if it comes down to it.”_

_Keith feels the weight of this promise. He knows things are unpredictable, knows that you can never guarantee anything._

_He also knows that even if Lance had not asked this of him that he still would have done it anyway._

_“Yeah,” he tells him finally. “Of course I will. I can’t make that same promise for Shiro but as long as I’m around I won’t let anything happen to them. I promise.”_

_Lance’s eyes get glassy for a moment and Keith is half afraid he’s going to try and hug him before he nods and straightens, scooping up as many cups as he can carry in the process._

_“Thank you. Now come on mullet, I’m missing my own party!”_

_They stay up for hours, laughing and swapping stories late into the night. It’s been awhile since they’ve been able to all get together and just enjoy each other’s presence and it’s a nice change of pace. The news of Allura’s pregnancy has brought a liveliness to the group that they have not felt in ages, a breath of new life in their stagnant world._

_After awhile Matt makes a noise and interrupts Hunk and Pidge’s passionate reenactment of the first time Lance met Allura (“You would be amazed too if a white haired goddess saved you from a zomb with nothing more than brass knuckles!”). He clambers to his feet and moves towards the door and at their inquisitive looks explains, “It’s getting late and I have guard duty first thing in the morning.” Pidge swats at his arm halfheartedly when he ruffles her hair as he passes._

_“Do you want me to come with you?” she asks but they can all tell it’s perfunctory at best._

_“Nah,” Matt replies as he slings his jacket on. “You stay and have fun. I think I can handle walking back to our place on my own. Just remember curfew is in an hour and a half unless you plan on staying here.”_

_“Yes mom,” Pidge replies fondly, rolling her eyes. Matt just grins and gives a two finger salute in response._

_“Night all!”_

_There’s a chorus of goodbyes as he saunters out the door before Hunk pretends to swoon into Pidge declaring, “Oh Allura, thank you for rescuing me! Please marry me and have all my babies!” They go down in a tangle and everyone giggles as Lance squawks indignantly._

_“Aww, come on Hunk! I was much more manly than that!”_

_Curfew approaches and things are winding down when they hear noises coming from outside. They all give each other confused looks before Shiro, who sits closest to the window, draws the curtains back enough to peak outside. Keith sees Shiro’s face pale in the flickering light before he jerks the curtains shut and shoots to his feet. The others make alarmed noises but Keith gets to his feet too, driven by the look on Shiro’s face._

_Then Shiro opens his mouth and sends their world spiraling._

_“We have to go,_ now. _Allura, Lance do you have supplies? Backpacks, food, weapons?”_

_Keith meets Shiro’s eyes and a look of understanding passes between them. Keith nods once before heading for the door as Shiro starts to corral their friends._

_Keith implicitly trusts Shiro with everything he is. If Shiro says they need to go then they’re no longer safe there and that means he needs to get their supplies, fast._

_There’s pandemonium when he opens the door, covered by a stuttering light that bathes everything in a dangerous red. He wonders briefly where the light is coming from - there shouldn’t be any after curfew - before he realizes that it’s a_ fire _and it’s spreading fast. His eyes widen and a cold chill runs down his spine and suddenly he’s eight and watching his house burn before his very eyes, he’s eight and his father runs in, he’s eight and the roof collapses, he’s eight and someone picks him up and carries him but not far enough, never far enough -_

 _He sees people running, more people than should be out past curfew, and at first he thinks it’s because they’re trying to put out the fire but then he realizes that they’re running_ away _from the flames and he soon sees why._

_There are zombs in the compound._

_Seeing them is enough to bring him back into the present. There’s screaming and even as Keith watches a zomb tackles a girl to the ground and bites into her arm. Her shrieks get louder and Keith forces himself to turn away and move. There’s nothing he can do for her now._

_Crouching low he darts in between houses and takes a shortcut to his and Shiro’s place. The zombs don’t seem to have made it this far yet, the chaos concentrated closer to the opposite side of the compound. He bursts through the door and shuts it firmly behind him before he’s darting to their bedroom, not even bothering to flip a light on. He slides into their room and pulls the closet door open with so much force that it swings open and bounces off the wall loudly._

_There are two backpacks sitting in the back and he drags them out and onto the bed before he throws himself to the floor to pry up a loose floorboard. Inside are weapons - an ax and Keith’s knife along with a pistol and a few rounds of bullets. He scoops them up and straps the knife to his belt, slipping the pistol into the waistband of his jeans and hefting the ax in hand. He swings both bags onto his shoulders and then he’s running out of the room that they’ve shared for years._

_He doesn’t look back._

_It’s worse outside then it was when he first left Lance and Allura’s and it’s only been a few minutes. The zombs seem to have multiplied which is probably true - it doesn’t take that long to turn. The fire has spread and is slowly eating away at the houses a few streets over. Keith can see the smoke billowing into the sky from here, shrouding the stars behind murky gray._

_A zomb notices him almost immediately, freshly turned and dripping blood from a bite in it’s thigh. It’s eyes are the pure yellow that are distinct to all of the turned and it snaps it’s jaws as it advances on him. It’s moving fast but Keith is brandishing the ax and sinking it into the skull of the zomb before it has even taken a few steps. He only stays long enough to make sure it’s actually down before he’s off._

_There are a few more zomb’s on the way to Lance and Allura’s but he dispatches them easily. They’re fast but he’s faster, his ax a blur as he aims for heads and necks. He tries not to look at faces, fearing the moment he will run across someone he knows._

_He barges into Lance and Allura’s house to find what looks to be gearing up to be a spectacular fight and is quick to lock the door behind him. Keith swings one of the bags to the floor by his feet, confused by what’s happening._

_Shiro is standing in front of a very red faced Pidge who looks like she’s two seconds away from punching him in the face despite being nearly two feet shorter. Allura, Lance, and Hunk are watching frozen from the kitchen where they are shoving cans of food into duffle bags. They startle as the door shuts behind Keith._

_“We have to go,” Keith announces to the group. “Like, now.”_

_“I’m not leaving without my brother!” Pidge says, rounding on him. Keith goes cold with sudden clarity. He exchanges a pained look with Shiro but shakes his head softly. There’s no way they’re making it across alive. Pidge’s house is all the way across the compound currently swarming with zombs and on fire, no less. There’s no way._

_“I’m sorry Pidge but you don’t understand. It’s crawling with zombs out there, we have to go. Matt can get out, he knows to meet us at the car. But if we don’t leave now then we’re all dead. He wouldn’t want that.”_

_“No you don’t understand! Matt wouldn’t leave me behind, I won’t leave him.” She tries to push past Shiro but he doesn’t budge, just sets his hands on her shoulders. She tries to shrug him off angrily but he’s firm and unyielding. Keith steps in front of the door though it pains him to do so._

_She doesn’t even have any weapons. His heart hurts._

_“Allura, are you guys almost done with those bags?” Keith asks quietly, not taking his eyes off the scene in front of him. He gets a soft affirmative in reply._

_It’s just in time because there’s a sudden banging at the door behind Keith’s back. He jumps, startled. One glance out of the peephole shows that the zombs have arrived, clawing at the wood with faces twisted in a snarl. He doesn’t know what attracted them to this house specifically and he doesn’t care to find out._

_“Out the back door,” Keith says, already moving. Pidge tries to separate from Shiro but he doesn’t give her the chance - his hand wraps firmly around her wrist and he begins to guide her towards the back. She shoots him a look of pure venom but doesn’t fight it._

_Lance and Hunk both take a duffle each while Allura hands out kitchen knives and in Hunk’s case a meat tenderizer. She is calm and collected, her face masking any panic she may feel and Keith respects her for it. He can see the tears streaming down Hunk’s face but he moves as though they aren’t there, as though he can’t afford to feel the things that caused them. Lance’s hands are white knuckling the strap of the duffle over his shoulder. They all follow as Keith leads them to the back door._

_The alley behind Lance and Allura’s house is dirty and overgrown with weeds but blessedly empty. Keith doesn’t expect this to be the case for long so he stands alert and ready while the others file out of the house. They are prepared to head for the gates when Lance stumbles under the weight of his duffle and nearly falls over. He rights himself almost immediately but it’s enough of a distraction - Pidge manages to wriggle out of Shiro’s grasp, as quick and agile as a snake in the grass - and dart down the alley behind the house._

_“Pidge, no!”_

_Shiro takes off after her, his feet pounding on the cement as she rounds a corner and disappears._ Shit.

_Keith is moving before he thinks, before he even breathes. He reaches into the pocket of his bag and pulls out a set of keys before tossing them to Lance, already moving down the alley._

_“The car Lance! Outside the western gate, remember the car? We’ll meet you there but if you can’t wait, take it and_ go.“

_“Keith - wait, Keith!”_

_But Keith is already gone, running full tilt after Shiro. His backpack weighs him down but he pushes forward, practically flying across the ground. He won’t lose them, won’t lose Shiro. Not like this._

_He rounds the corner that Pidge and Shiro disappeared around just in time to see Shiro grab Pidge around the middle and heft her up in the air. She kicks and struggles but Shiro is firm, his arm an iron bar around her waist. Just beyond them is smoke so thick it’s impossible to see ahead._

_“No!” she shrieks. “We can’t leave yet, my brother is in there! Matt, Matt!”_

_“Pidge, we can’t! We have to go now. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!”_

_She doesn’t even seem to hear him as Keith comes to a halt next to them, out of breath and coughing in the smoke. There are tears streaming down Pidge’s face, glittering in the light of the flames that dance and sway. The chorus of screams and moans is a deafening cacophony that drowns out all thought._

_“Pidge. Pidge!_ Katie! _”_

_Pidge lets out a great shuddering sob and collapses into Shiro._

_“I promised him,” Shiro says roughly. “I promised him I would keep you safe if something like this happened.”_

_A growling noise is their only warming before two zombs stumble out of the smoke. Pidge makes a stuttering, gasping noise in surprise and fear as they lunge for her with hands that are clawed and shriveled, reaching and ready to pull her away. Shiro twists his body and yanks her back, putting himself in their path and Keith surges forward with a cry of anger. He buries his ax in the head of one and uses that momentum to throw it into the other when it sticks. The second one stumbles back and Keith unsheathes his knife from his belt and plunges it into it’s temple._

_He’s still breathing heavy when the bodies hit the floor. Scrunching his nose in disgust he plants a foot on the shoulder of the first and rips the ax out, blood and brain matter flying. Shiro gives him a grateful look when he hands it to him handle first and he swings Pidge into his arms easily. She’s limp and unresisting, hands clutched in his shirt and face buried in his shoulder._

_Which is about the time that more zombies spot them and start filling the space in between the house. The smell of them alone is enough to make Keith gag, the iron tang of blood thick in the air. There’s too many to dodge, too many to fight, and so they do the one thing they can always fall back on._

_They run._

\------------

They spend the next week preparing to get rid of the zombs. It’s back breaking work as Shiro and Keith both get roped into building the funnel to the gates. There isn’t any free wood - the Garrison has a sharp, military build to it - so they take apart old furniture from the overabundance of bedrooms not in use. 

Everyday they collapse exhausted into each other’s arms. After the brief conversation when Shiro gave Keith his knife back they’ve had no time to talk and catch up. He knows it needs to happen soon but how do you just unload months worth of hurt and fear when you barely have time to sleep?

They’ll have time to unload everything as soon as they’re secure here. It’s what he tells himself every night before he passes out. 

The morning they plan to get rid of the zomb nest dawns bright and clear. There’s a somber mood in the air as they eat breakfast and shuffle everyone to take their starting positions. They’ve spent the past week preparing and hopefully if all goes well, they will be free to start their new lives here. 

A truck sits idle in the center of the funnel, gas tank full and ready to go. Large speakers are set up in the truck bed ready to go. That had been Pidge and Matt’s project of the week and both sit in the cab - Matt driving and Pidge riding shotgun. 

Lance and Hunk are already over there looking antsy as they wait to get ready to start. Both of them were working on explosives and Keith prays that Hunk supervised enough to make sure it goes as smoothly as possible. 

“You guys ready?” Keith asks as he approaches the driver’s side door, Shiro trailing behind him. 

“Ready as we’ll ever be,” Matt says. His hands clench and unclench from where they rest on the window. “Though I don’t think our job is the hardest one here.” 

He sideyes Keith as he says it. 

“We _all_ have risky jobs today,” says Keith firmly. “But we _all_ need to come back in one piece, you hear?”

He gets a chorus of affirmative replies and feels Shiro’s hand land on his shoulder, giving him a soft squeeze. 

A whistle sounds, sharp and shrill through the air. The tension in the air snaps tight in response and Keith knows that the slightest breeze will shatter it. 

It’s time to begin. 

“Just be careful alright?” Keith tells Matt. “We need you guys here.”

“Same goes to you. That gate won’t be fun.”

He takes one more moment to look at all of them, Lance and Hunk, Matt and Pidge, before he pats the side of the truck to send it off. It starts with a rumble, driving forward to take up position. 

Keith and Shiro move to stand by the gate, behind the wall of the funnel but next to the door they’ll move through to shut the gate behind the zombs. If they’re lucky, all the zombs will move en masse and their job will be the easiest of them all. 

The entire courtyard is absolutely silent, so quiet you could hear a pin drop. It’s not long after that the telltale sign of something beeping sounds from a distance, speeding up and up and up until -

BOOM. 

An explosion rips through the air, not big but big enough. Keith knows that right now members of the Rebels are rushing forward with metal sheets forged into shields to block off the last stretch of land between doors and where the funnel starts. He prays that they’re strong enough to withstand the hoard that's about to come barreling through. 

Not a moment later the truck comes moving past where they’re crouched waiting. They have to move at a slow enough pace to let the zombs stay within reach but not slow enough to get overwhelmed. Pidge locks eyes with him as they pass and salutes him out of the passenger window. Keith sends her one in return. 

Shortly after wailing fills the air, a haunting, chilling cry that comes and goes. The zombs are instantly whipped into a frenzy. They had worried that a recording wouldn’t be real enough, that there was some innate thing about a live zomb cry that would mean they just doomed themselves. But in the end they decided it was a risk worth taking and it proved to be worth it - the zombs are turning to shamble towards the noise in droves, stumbling over each other as a chorus of moaning echoes in the air to mix with the siren cry. 

The majority of the zombs follow the truck but there are so many that they stretch out and out, some trailing so far behind they get separated from the main pack. Keith is starting to worry that they won’t all leave, that some will lag so far behind Keith and Shiro will be forced to confront them or risk the entire mob to start backtracking into the courtyard. 

He can see it’s a concern of Shiro’s too, especially the closer they get to when they are supposed to be closing the gates. Most have spilled through without issue but the sound of the siren cry is getting further and further away; they can barely hear it as it is. 

When the siren cry becomes no more, there are only a few zombs left surrounding the gate. Matt and Pidge already have a plan in place to wait for the mob to disperse before coming back; they have to act now before any of the zombs beat them to it. 

Keith meets Shiro’s eyes and receives a nod in return. 

They bust out of their hiding place like a tornado unleashed, ready to finally bring an end to this. Shiro twirls his ax, a whirlwind ready to take down anything that comes close. It’d be a mesmerizing sight if Keith wasn’t so preoccupied himself. 

The only zombs left now are the ones just outside the gate but the noise from behind has drawn their attention. They shuffle in a confused lump as they try to turn around but Keith and Shiro are already grasping one side of the gate each and pushing it closed. 

Shiro is faster though Keith isn’t far behind. He waits for him in the middle, gate held fast and ax out to take down any zombs that come close. 

It’s almost there, so close to being shut. Keith has to keep pushing for just a moment more and it will all be over, they’ll be safe and able to start building a new home for real -

A zomb looms out of nowhere and Keith is going to be too slow to dodge it. He doesn’t know if his immunity was a one time shot or not and though he hates to go through the sickness again he will if he can just close this damn gate -

Shiro rushes in and wrenches the zomb away bodily. They disappear behind him though Keith can hear the wet sound of an ax plunging into the zombs head. 

Keith forces gate closes with a resounding _clang_ and he bolts it shut as quickly as he can. He sighs in relief, something bone deep. A weight has been lifted off of him, a light feeling buoying him up and up and up until he feels like he could float away. 

They’re done. They’re _finally_ done. They survived with no one getting hurt. Well he says that; he’ll have to wait for the Holt’s to come back before he says that for sure but -

“Keith.”

Keith turns and the world drops out from under him. 

There’s a ring of red in the meat of Shiro’s forearm. Everything else fuzzes out, static ringing in his ears as Shiro takes one step forward and his knees buckle under him. 

Keith races forward to catch him before he can fall the rest of the way, lowering him down to lay on the hard ground below. He pulls Shiro’s head to rest on his lap before

“Heh,” Shiro says. “It doesn’t hurt as much as I thought it would.”  
  
“Why? Why would you do that?” Keith begs him. Staring at Shiro’s arm he can feel the tears coming. There’s no way around a bite like that and they don’t have long now. Even now he can feel shivers start to wrack Shiro’s body and he remembers what happened to him after he was bit with numbing clarity.

It causes the tears to well up and fall without his say - fat drops that roll down his cheeks and land on Shiro’s forehead. Shiro reaches up with a hand to wipe them away. 

“You idiot,” Keith sobs. “I’m immune. I’m _immune._ ”

It’s like the world has it out for them. Just when he finally finds Shiro, when he thinks they’ll be okay, something has to happen to prove that they can’t have it.

He should have learned by now that good things don’t last. Not in Keith’s life.   
  
Why didn’t he tell him? They had been meaning to talk ever since Shiro got here but they had been so busy preparing for today that Keith didn’t tell him one of the most important things that had happened to him in their time apart. He’s an idiot and this is _all his fault._

He feels a hand creep around his side and hears a slick _shhhck_ as the blade at his waist is drawn. His eyes close of their own accord because he can’t do it, he _can’t._ Looking would break him, would shatter something so deep inside of him it would never heal, the glass cutting and tearing and maiming every time he so much as breathed.

“Keith,” Shiro rasps and he feels a hand cup his face. “Keith look at me please.”

With a whimper, Keith opens his eyes to meet Shiro’s. When he tries to look down Shiro just uses his hand on Keith’s face to gently guide him forward until their foreheads are pressed together. Shiro looks sad but resigned, his smile wobbly as he searches Keith’s face as though committing it to memory.

“I love you.”

“I l-love you too. Please, _please_ don’t leave me again. I can’t, I c-can’t -” 

“Shhhh,” Shiro whispers. “It’s going to be okay, baby. I’m going to wait for you, in this lifetime and the next. You’re so strong, so beautiful. It’s going to be okay. I love you.”

Shiro keeps his forehead pressed to Keith’s as he grasps Keith’s hand and places the knife in his palm, folding his fingers over the wrapped handle and enclosing Keith’s hand with his own. Tears stream down Keith’s face and land on Shiro in a steady stream as his eyes squeeze tight and he shakes his head.

“It’s okay,” Shiro sighs. 

And then… a plan starts to form in his mind and he sniffles once before determination settles over him. It’s a long shot, it might not even work. If it does then Shiro might never forgive him. But it’s all he has and goddammit Keith is going to cling to it with every last fiber of his being.

“Do you trust me?”

“Always,” Shiro says with shining eyes. 

Keith takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly as he reaches for his belt. It comes loose with a gentle clinking and he wraps it around Shiro’s arm above where the bite rests. Realization enters Shiro’s eyes but it’s quickly overshadowed by understanding and acceptance.

He reaches forward to rest his palm against Shiro’s cheek, thumb stroking the face he loves so much. Shiro nuzzles into it and though his breath is turning ragged Keith leans forward to kiss him one more time - softly, slowly, as though it’s the last time he will be able to do so.

Shiro’s eyes stay clenched shut tight as Keith leans back and raises the knife high above his head. His breath catches in his throat but his hands are steady until -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry but... we’re almost there?


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An epilogue.

Spring blows in on a gentle breeze and with it comes a new beginning. 

If you would have told Keith months ago, hell even weeks ago, that this is where he’d be standing in the near future he would have told you you’re crazy. Even now it’s surreal, a dream Keith is sure he will wake up from at any given moment.

But the sunlight streaming through the large windows set along the hallway outside the medbay tells a different story, one of anticipation and life. This is something they’ve been preparing for for months, something that they’ve been anticipating and awaiting with a fervor. The fact that they’ve finally made it here is a miracle but Keith knows that after all the pain and the tears and the heartache that this is more than well earned. 

Glancing to his right shows a beautiful sight, one Keith will cherish for the rest of his life. 

Sunlight dapples the face of the person waiting beside him, giving them an ethereal glow Keith could stare at for hours. It’s dazzling, the way the sun dances on their skin and lends a warmth to the pale skin. Eyelashes fan in a soft sweep and Keith is mesmerized by them - or maybe he’s just mesmerized by their eyes, a deep gunmetal grey that Keith loves with all his heart. 

Shiro smiles at him from the wheelchair he sits in, exhausted but never anything less than genuine with him. Dark circles ring his eyes and his hair stands stark white on his head, different from the black and white combination he’s had for years. 

As drained as he is they managed to wheel him out in a wheelchair they found tucked away in a closet in the medbay. The sleeve of his right arm is rolled up and shows the bandaged stump of his arm. 

After Shiro was bit Keith spent days sitting next to his bedside wishing, hoping, praying he would wake up and come back to him. Then he spent just as much time hoping that Shiro would be able to forgive him for what he’s done. What he’s forced him to live with for the rest of his life. 

He needn’t worry. Shiro is a fighter and fight he had. Keith never should have doubted him for a moment because the second he woke up the first thing he did was pull Keith to him in a crushing hug, squeezing as much as he possibly could despite the pain. And there was a lot of pain - turns out there aren’t many options for painkillers after the apocalypse. 

The door to the medbay opens and Lance strides out. Keith shoots to his feet hopefully but Lance only shakes his head. 

Before Keith has time to panic, Lance says, “I was apparently stressing her out too much. Pidge kicked me out.” He shuts the doors behind him and flops on the hard plastic chairs waiting just outside. Keith and Shiro exchange a look. 

“I just can’t help it,” Lance whines, “I’m so worried. What if something goes wrong and nobody knows how to fix it? Pidge doesn’t know everything!”

“Lance it’s going to be okay,” Shiro reassures him. 

“I just don’t know what I’d do if anything happens to either of them,” Lance says, swinging to his feet and beginning to pace back and forth. 

“Nothing is going to happen. Allura is strong. Her and the baby will both be just fine.”

“What if I’m not ready for this? Oh god, I’m not ready. I just know I’m going to mess something up! I can’t even stay in the same room with her without stressing her out and if I can’t even handle myself how can I handle a baby? I - I still forget to turn off the stove when I’m done cooking and I leave the toilet seat up and sometimes I just get so tired I -“

“Lance,” Keith gently but firmly. “Everything is going to be fine. You’re stressing me out now.”

“I’m sorry,” Lance bemoans. “I’m just so worried I don’t know what to do!”

“Are you more worried about her actually having the baby or that you’ll mess up?”

“Both?” His lip wobbles dangerously. He looks like a kicked puppy. 

Keith sighs but Shiro reaches up to squeeze his arm. It’s a soothing balm to his nerves. 

“Lance, you’re going to make an amazing dad,” Shiro tells him. “You just have to trust in yourself and in your abilities. Besides, you have all of us here to help.”

“As for Allura, do you really think anything can keep her down?” Keith adds. 

Lance sniffs once and nods his head vigorously. “You’re right. I know you’re right. Sometimes I just,” he gestures at his head like that explains everything. Keith understands. 

“Well, that’s what we’re here for. To knock some sense into you when you need it.”

Lance’s laugh is strained but he sounds freer and his smile is genuine when he says, “Thanks guys.”

It’s not even half an hour later that a baby’s wail sounds through the corridor and all motion grinds to a halt. In a flurry Lance is hurtling through the door, not even waiting for it to swing shut behind him. 

Keith moves to follow when Shiro rests his hand on Keith’s arm. 

“Let’s give him a moment. He deserves to meet the baby first.”

Keith nods and reaches up to squeeze the hand on his arm before linking their fingers together and raising it to his lips for a soft kiss. 

“I was thinking -,” Keith starts softly. 

“Always a bad sign,” Shiro murmurs but the light dancing in his eyes encourages Keith onward. 

“Haha, very funny.” Keith can’t help but smile though. “After we say hi why don’t I take you back to my room. Not like that!” Keith laughs when Shiro wiggles his eyebrows. 

“I was thinking that you’re finally well enough to leave the med wing. Why don’t you come back and we can finally get you settled in?”

“Keith,” Shiro gasps, mock scandalized. If he had his other hand Keith is sure he’d be clasping it to his chest. “Are you asking me to move in with you?”

“You literally used to live with me. We were roommates. For years,” Keith points out. “Do you want to move into my room or not?”

“I do,” Shiro murmurs before tugging lightly on Keith’s hand. Keith takes the hint and leans down to kiss him, soft and slow like they have all the time in the world. 

And maybe they do now. They haven’t seen any zombs since they successfully kicked out the nest. Olia has gladly taken charge and started organizing their ragtag group into some semblance of order. She’s added Keith and the others into her group of advisors and they’ve started plans on getting the greenhouse running so they’ll have a fall harvest. 

It’s exciting and new and just what they needed. 

But there’s one other thing they haven’t gotten to talk about yet. 

Keith pulls back and reaches up with his free hand to cup Shiro’s cheek, thumb moving in slow strokes back and forth. He’s preparing to take a leap of faith and he just hopes Shiro will be there to catch him. 

Who is he kidding? Shiro has always been there to catch him. 

It’s this thought that bolsters him enough to ask, “Did you mean what you said? In your letter to me?”

Shiro understands what he’s saying immediately because of course he does - he’s always understood Keith. His eyes soften and he nuzzles into Keith’s palm, planting a kiss there before looking up at Keith through his lashes. 

“Keith. I love you more than anyone I’ve ever loved before. Time apart won’t change that. If you’ll have me, I -“

“Yes,” Keith interjects. “Yes of course I’ll have you. I’ll always have you, for as long as you want me.”

Shiro grins that boyish grin of his and pressed another kiss into Keith’s palm. 

“I don’t think that will be a problem. In this lifetime and the next, remember? Besides,” he says cheekily. “You’ve been wearing the rings. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

Keith’s hand finds the rings around his neck and he gives them a twirl with a look of mock surprise on his face. 

“Oh this? I was just keeping them safe for a friend. Something tells me he may want them back soon so -“

Keith laughs as Shiro tugs him down to shut him up with another kiss. 

“Marry me?” Shiro says against his lips. 

He grins, full of so much light and stardust he glows with it. It wouldn’t surprise him if it shone for all the world to see how happy he is in that very moment. “Yes. I’d love nothing more than to marry you.”

Keith reaches back to unclasp the chain and hold out the rings to Shiro before digging in his pocket to produce a similar silver chain. 

“You planned this.” He sounds surprised. 

“I found the chains in one of the drawers when I was going through my room the other day,” Keith says sheepishly. “Dog tags, you know? I was hoping we’d talk about this soon so I’ve been carrying the spare chain around.”

Keith helps Shiro put on the necklace and smiles softly when it rests on his chest. He turns and kneels to allow Shiro to help him put his own on as best he can. 

“I love you,” Keith says, turning back to him. “So much.”

“I love you too, baby,” Shiro replies, eyes like the stars. 

Keith leans down to kiss him again when the door swings open again to allow Pidge and Hunk to step out. Both look exhausted, the long labor sapping what energy they’ve managed to regain over the past few days. They’re both smiling though, happy with the results. It sends a bolt of calm through him - they wouldn’t look happy if there wasn’t reason to. 

“Man, that was an experience. I saw more of Allura than I was ever expecting to,” Hunk says, lacing his fingers together and stretching his arms above his head. “But I’ll be honest, I’m bushed. I think I’m ready to sleep for a thousand years.”

“How was it?” Keith asks. 

“It went well. Allura’s a fighter. It takes someone special to do that without any pain medication,” Hunk winces and both Keith and Shiro cringe in sympathy. 

“Well, don’t let us hold you here,” Shiro tells him. “Go get some rest. You guys deserve it.”

“I know I’m definitely planning on doing that after I go get Matt. I promised him I’d let him know as soon as the baby was here,” Pidge says through a yawn. “They both said they’re ready for you by the way. Lance looked like he was about three seconds from either passing out or bursting into tears.”

They bid Hunk and Pidge goodbye and push through the doors, smiling softly as they take in the scene before them. 

Allura, radiant and beaming, hair a mess and exhaustion in every line of her face, sits glowing with pride. In her arms rests a small bundle and as they get closer he can see a sprig of white hair curled on her forehead. She looks like a mini Allura but Keith can spot a bit of Lance in the curl of her nose. 

“Keith, Shiro,” Allura says, soft and fond. “Meet Juniper.”

“A healthy baby girl,” Lance adds. His eyes glisten with unshed tears. Keith is so happy for them. 

Keith wheels Shiro closer and kneels down to help him up. The transfer from the chair to the corner of the bed is smooth, Keith supporting Shiro with ease though he’s been steadily gaining his strength back. Shiro hates having to rely on anyone for anything but Keith thinks he secretly likes being spoiled. 

Just a little bit as long as it’s Keith. 

He rests his chin on Shiro’s head and wraps his arms around Shiro’s chest in a loose hug. Shiro’s hand comes to squeeze Keith’s and stays there. 

“She’s beautiful,” Shiro whispers. 

“Congrats you two,” Keith says warmly. “I’m really happy for you guys.”

Allura nudges Lance gently and he clears his throat. 

“Umm. Listen guys. I was wondering - I mean we were talking and - I know I already asked but a lot has happened since then and -“

“What Lance is trying to say is that we would still like for you two to be the godparents if you’re accepting.”

Keith’s eyes widen in shock before they swing to Lance. He’s blushed red up to the tips of his ears but he nods his head vigorously. 

“Yes! We want you to be the godparents if you’re okay with that. I - I know things have been hard lately but we trust you guys. Besides,” he smiles weakly, “if anyone can keep her safe if we weren’t there it would be you two.”

“Lance, I’d be honored,” Shiro says, smiling softly. It’s not quite the smile he holds in reserve for Keith but it’s the closest Keith has ever seen before. 

“Keith?” Lance actually sounds… nervous. Like Keith’s decision means that much to him. It’s a humbling experience, one Keith will treasure for years to come. 

“Yeah,” Keith says softly. “I’d love to.”

Lance grins but the tears don’t fall until Allura asks if he wants to hold her again. 

With permission Shiro reaches forward and touches the baby’s hand, marveling at the softness of her skin. Juniper gurgles, her tiny hand barely wrapping around one of his fingers.

Keith’s heart feels fit to burst with Shiro, the love of his life and future (present? Does he even have to wait if there’s no proper system in place?) husband sitting there cooing over the baby. If you would have told him weeks ago that this is where he’d be standing in the near future he’d tell you you’re crazy. Yet here he is, his lover playing with his new godchild with a soft light in his eyes. 

He looks up and meets Allura’s eyes. She’s smiling at him with so much joy in her face that Keith tears up. He sniffles before burying his head against Shiro’s and just breathes him in. 

The seasons change and life begins anew. 

All is well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s all she wrote.
> 
> Thank you to all that has read through this! It’s been such a long ride and I’m so happy of the finished product. I don’t know if this is the end of this series or not but who knows; maybe it’s not the end of the zomb au.
> 
> Please, let me know what you think in the comments! I’d love feedback and for you to visit me [here!](https://twitter.com/MidnightWatch11)


End file.
